Things according to Jill

HELLO AGAIN!!!!!

2011-04-21T15:09:00.002-06:00

So I've been thinking that it's time to start up the old blog again. I've been feeling this way for a long time, and I even went back and read some of my old posts. Some of them aren't too bad. And then the email came....

Yesterday while I was diligently working an email came in about a job posting for the company I work for. Part of the duties for this job were to monitor posts on FaceBook, Twitter, YouTube and blogs about the company I work for. And it got me thinking; I know that's almost always NOT a good thing for me, but oh well. It got me thinking about how much the internet and media has become part of life for the Average American.

Not only do most homes in America have at least 1 computer (I would bet that most have more than one) but almost everyone has a cell phone. For me I don't even shower without my phone being at least a few feet away. Greg carries his phone on his belt almost all the time. I literally have the internet within a few feet of me 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

As a parent access to the internet makes me nervous to say the least. I don't think its even possible to go 1 week without hearing about online predators. But the great thing about this technology is that I can reach my kids anytime of the day or night (when they decide to answer their phones).

The internet has changed everything about the world. The need for an actual book is quickly becoming a thing of the past. And that fact absolutely breaks my heart! There's nothing like curling up with a good book, or soakin in the tub for a few hours and reading. And no, curling up with the Kindle or a Nook is not the same thing!! And soaking in the tub while reading off a Kindle or a Nook could be down-right dangerous!!!

Homework time is always fight time at my house. There is always a huge fight over who can use the computer first. I'm begining to like the idea of laptops for all 5 of us, unfortunatley my bank account HATES the idea!! I really don't think that my kids can do their homework without the computer. They don't cheat, I watch every move they make. Katie for instance logs on to FaceBook and chats with her other "QUESTIES" (a school group she's in) about their homework assignments and upcoming projects.

I'm sure at this point your asking yourself what the point of this post is. So I'll tell you. The point is: I'm tired of hearing about all the bad things about internet and Social Media sites. There are just as many good things that come with the bad.

I have become a celebrity

2010-03-17T06:05:00.003-06:00

I have become a celebrity. Because of my children. This isn't a new thing for me, I've always been a very proud mom to all three of my kids. I hear things like "Chris is so smart, Katie is so beautiful, and Kolbie is so cute". Or I'll hear: "your kids are all so well mannered" (which makes me laugh, by the way). But now I have become a celebrity a real celebrity; but hopefully not in the same class as Lindsey Lohans parents, or like Jon and Kate.

And it all started with: Aladdin Jr.!!!

This year the Jr. High is putting on a production of Aladdin Jr. I wasn't suprised when Chris told me he wanted to try-out but I was down right shocked when Kate told me that she wanted to try out as well. Well, Kate is on the chorus in one cast and on the stage crew for the other, and Chris...well, Chris is the Genie. I think that Mrs. Johnson was type-casting a little bit when she cast him as Genie. He's tall, goofy, likes to tell stupid jokes, and loves to be the center of attention.

Auditions were 2 weeks before Christmas, and I will never forget the phone call we got from Chris telling us he got the part. We were off celebrating our anniversary doing what we always do...our christmas shopping (oh joy). I was so excited and happy for him I cried, it was definatley what you'd call a proud mom moment.

Well, rehersals started in Janurary and both of the kids have been going faithfully to all of their rehersals for three solid months. Sometimes they would leave for school at 5 or 6am and not get home until 5 or 6pm. Honestley, both of them have put their hearts and souls into this production.

Well, Monday was the big day. Their first performance. One of the local elementary schools walked over to see the play. I was amazed at how well the play was. It was obvious that all the hard work of all the teachers, and kids had paid off. Both of the kids were amazing. Katie hit her que right on time and opened the floor where Jafar falls into when he gets made a Genie. And Chris got the loudest cheer on the whole cast.

Tuesday Hunter Elementary came for a performance. Katie got to perform she's a harem girl (I don't really like the sound of that, but what do I know?) and she was amazing. She got loud cheers from her friends and former teachers and several told me that "she did such a great job. Tell her that I'm so proud of her." And Chris was a hit (as usual), the only difference was, this time we new so many of the audience. Greg and I got up to leave and we were swarmed by students and teachers saying? "Katie and Chris were amazing!!! Katie looked so pretty in her yellow costume and Chris was soooooooo funny."

The real fun started when some of the kids we didn't know figured out our son was "The Genie". I heard all kinds of things from those kids:

His jokes are sooooo funny!!!

Did he really shave his head?

How did you turn him blue?

Does it take a long time to put on all that make-up?

How long does it take to take it off?

I have to say that being a bit of a "celebrity" is sort of fun. It's pretty cool to hear things like: "Look, it's the Genies mom." I'm sure they were all thinking about how young and attractive I am. ;)

There is a downside to the life of a celebrity like:

I've had to listen to more than the usual amount of goofy jokes.

I know that play by heart.

I hear the music in my dreams.

All we've heart from Katie for the last week is how she "HAS TO HAVE" a flesh colored t-shirt, & tights.

And there was a HUGE contreversy yesterday morning that had something to do with blue eyeshadow.

My bathtub is tinted blue, (and so is my son) and I don't know if it will ever go away.

And today, it's been almost 20 hours since I've slept, but I had to come home from working an all night inventory shift and paint my son blue.

All that being said, I am having a week full of Proud Mom moments. I am so proud of Chris, Kate, and the cast because they've all worked so hard. I'm proud of the commitment that Chris and Kate have made, but I'm the most proud because they've done this together. They've made friends together, and most important, they've made some great memories. A couple of months ago Katie told me that she loves Chris because he's her best friend. There are sure benefits to being a celebrity Mom.

WE'D LOVE TO SEE YOU ALL AT THE PLAY THIS WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, AND FRIDAY. SHOWTIME IS AT 7PM!!!!!

I'm giving the production 2 BIG THUMBS UP!!!!!!

I'D LIKE AN EXPLAINATION PLEASE!!!!!!!

2010-02-04T19:47:00.002-07:00

Hello again. I had an interesting experience today at work. The Loss Prevention agent (his name is A.J. and he cusses like a sailor) got a "stop" today. He caught a woman who was with her teenage daughter and her baby trying to steal $327.00 dollars worth of swimsuits (that she should NEVER wear, just trust me on that). This was his 3rd stop for the month and this is the first week of our fiscal year, so he started the year ON FIRE! To be honest, I really like working with AJ, he makes me laugh and his attitude about work and life has changed my view about things. He's always smiling and he always makes me laugh.

Anyway, he stopped this woman from shoplifting. 327 dollars worth of merchandise!! I've worked in retail a long time, and I've seen a lot of shoplifters, but I just don't understand it. I love to get free stuff! Who doesn't? But I can't just take something that's not mine.

Well anyway, AJ brought the woman back to the office along with a Jordan Landing security guard and sat her down. At that point I got out of that office FAST! I felt very uncomfortable. Amanda was the lucky one to stay back there with them. I did hear a few things that AJ said to her. He told her to have a seat, and then just said simply: "...ok, talk to me." This surprised me, I don't know why, what do you say when you catch a thief? How about: "Hey stupid, what were you thinking?" He was very professional about the entire thing.

I've watched alot of LP agents over my "career" (if that's what you call it). And I've come to one conclusion: I COULD NEVER WORK IN LOSS PREVENTION!!!! I'm just way too trusting of people. I don't understand how or why people would take advantage of someone else. I admit I'm very naive.

I guess the thing that shocked me the most today was this woman was as cool as a cucumber. If I was every stupid enough to do something like that (I think the only way I could would be to feed my children) and got caught, I would have a major meltdown!!! I would cry, and cry, and cry. I would be so embarrassed!!! Dealing with the LP agent and the security guard would be bad enough, but then when the Cops show up I think I'd faint. They'd probably have to call the paramedics and have me sedated.

All joking aside, I really don't understand stuff like this. These are the same people that complain about prices being so high and the economy being bad. The people who complain about insurance premiums being so high are the ones who just pocket the insurance check and don't get their car fixed. Why do people think they deserve something for nothing? I JUST DON'T GET IT!!!

Wouldn't life be much more simply for everyone if we could all try to be honest all the time. I'm not perfect, but I try.

What do you think?

That's all for today.

"...SHUT-UP!!! I WAS TRYING TO HIT YOU STUPID!!!!"

2010-01-29T15:05:00.004-07:00

Sometimes the things that happen in my home make me laugh, and sometimes make me cry. Then there are things that happen that make me cry because I'm laughing. Luckily we had one of those experiences.

Chris and Katie are having some friends over tomorrow night to watch movies, eat, and "hang out" (whatever that means). I have SERIOUS ANXIETY when I have people over to my house. The house is never clean enough, the walls all need fresh paint, we need new carpet, I don't cook the way I should, my dishes don't match (when they are clean), and on and on and on. One of the biggest problems I have when it comes to my home is that I HATE to clean. I HATE IT!!!! I look for any excuse to not clean (which is kind of weird considering my biggest excuse to not have people over is because my house isn't clean enough). Here are some of my best excuses:

- I just don't want to.
- I sneezed a couple of hours ago and that means I must be coming down with
something therefore, I must rest.
- We don't have the right kind of cleaning supplies.
- I can't handle the fumes from the cleaning supplies, they always give me headaches.

AND MY FAVORITE:

- The house is just too dirty to clean.

Writing this down makes me realize how stupid it sounds. If I had a dollar for every time there was a fight around here about cleaning or doing the laundry, I'd be able to...hire a housekeeper.

Well, back to my story. Chris and Katie and I were in the kitchen making a shopping list and a to-do list so they could be prepared for their party. Kolbie came home from school and was making herself a snack. I don't remember exactly what Katie said to Kolbie, but I do remember it was snotty. I turned my head to see how Kolbie reacted to see her try to hit Kate with a dishtowel, she missed and hit me right in the face. Everything suddenly went very, very, quiet. Kolbie had a look of pure terror on her face. Chris and Kate we both holding their breath wondering if I was going to have a huge meltdown. The next thing I know I glance at Chris and HE'S CRYING!!! And then I look at Katie, and SHE'S CRYING. When I looked at Kolbie she was terrified!!! I looked at my children again, and there was an explosion of laughter from the older two. The next thing I know, Chris and Katie are literally on the floor in the dining room, laughing so hard they are crying. And this only mad Kolbie mad...no...this only made Kolbie REALLY, REALLY MAD!!

Kolbie has a flare for the dramatic (a trait she gets completely from her father, not from me), so the next thing I know she's screaming at Chris and Katie to "...SHUT-UP!!! I WAS TRYING TO HIT YOU STUPID!!!!!!!"

This was one of those wonderful situations in parenthood that you bite your lip so hard your bleeding so you won't laugh at your children. I honestly was not mad at Kolbie, I was irritated that she was trying to hit her sister, but I wasn't mad. But seeing the look on her face when she realized what she'd done was just hilarious.

The funniest thing about this story is that not 3 minutes before all this occurred I was instant messaging a friend of mine and asked her if she had an idea of something I could blog about. Her response was "No. If I had an idea, I would have blogged about it." I told her what was happening with the kids, and her response was "...see, at your house if you stand still for a minute something will always happen that you can blog about." She was, of course, right. If you just stand back and watch, you'll ALWAYS find something to write about, and you'll ALWAYS be entertained.

We have our ups and downs. And a lot of the time it feels like we have more downs than ups, but these 4 people (mainly the kids) are always entertaining. My kids give me more to think about, laugh about and cry about than anyone else on the planet.

Nights With No Sleep

2010-01-25T23:38:00.002-07:00

Hello to both of you who read this, it's been a while.

For those of you who know me I have trouble sleeping. Infact, right now it's almost midnight on a Monday night and I think its going to be a long night. I was thinking about why I have such a hard time sleeping last night while I was laying in bed trying to sleep. Smart, huh?

As I sit here at my computer blogging at all hours of the night I'm also sitting here listening to my ipod and wondering if any of my friends are awake so we could chat. The nights get that long and boring. If your awake, text me if I happen to be awake, I'll respond, or if by some miracle I'm asleep we can talk in the morning. My brother and I text and talk all night. I guess we're the lucky ones with the insomnia genes.

I have so much time being awake all night I've read countless books, taken more hot baths trying to relax, but finally I've given up.

Now I watch movies (or favorite TV shows on Netflix -- how did people survive without the internet?). Greg laughs and says that he's memorized Bridgette Jones Diary in his sleep literally. He also says that about: Pride and Predjudice, Bull Durham, You've Got Mail, Elizabeth, Sense and Sensibility, She's Having a Baby (one of my favorite movies of my youth), Love Actually (which I might watch tonight), West Side Story, Rent, and dozens of others. I feel that this should make Greg more well-rounded and happy individual being exposed to so many things and ideas than he normally wouldn't be. He doesn't really feel that way. We've had more than one heated conversation about watching movies at 3am. So what do I do?

I decided to start reading. And what happens? Greg kicks me out of our room! Why? Because I have been known to read some FUNNY books and they make me laugh. Recentley I've been really sad books. Books about King Henry VIII (that man was a dog) and he's always lying, cheating, or chopping the heads off of someone important. And reading Nicholas Sparks books. TOTAL DOWNERS!!! After the last 2 books I thought I might decide to go jump off a building. So I decided to read some of the funnies books I've ever read. They are the Princess Diaries Series by Meg Cabot. I know this is teen fiction, but hey? Who cares? Well...after being told that my movies are pretty much a pain in the ass, I start reading. And these books MAKE ME LAUGH!!!! And that's more annoying than listening to movies in your sleep.

Please help me understand this!!! A laughing wife is more difficult than a wife that's about ready to jump off a building because she's so depressed?

Maybe I should start reading the old testament to help me fall asleep.

Does anyone have any ideas? I'm going to buy some chocolate milk.

Sometimes your biggest blessing are staring you in the face, or are a phone call away

2009-09-02T23:59:00.003-06:00

Again, it's been a long time since I put anything on here. But I can't end my day without writing about it. It was one of those days that I just can't forget, so I need to write it down so I can remember it when I need to. Please ignore all misspelling and typos.

My day started as normal, I couldn't sleep so I woke up grumpy and yelled at my family about something stupid that really didn't matter in the long run. I think it was about not being able to take a shower when I wanted to. Like I said, something really stupid.

When I was able to take my shower I got ready and went to the doctors office, for yet another appointment, for yet more news I really didn't want to hear. I dealt with a receptionist that obivously didn't want to be there and I have never had a positive experience with. On the upside of my morning Greg did go with me to my appointment, so I was glad to spend more time with him. Although you wouldn't know it by my behavior. At that point we went to the pharmacy and spent a couple hundred dollars on medications that will hopefully more my "situation" easier to deal with until we (meaning me, Greg, and my doctor, who is a nice guy but is REALLY difficult to get an appointment with which can be frustrating).

Though I shouldn't have been happy about it Kolbie stayed home from school again today. She has a nagging cough, but nothing else is wrong with her but I didn't want her to share any germs with any innocent classmates. It was really nice to have somebody at home with me during the day the days can get long and depressing with notbody here to talk to. I am so thankful for this computer (that I spend too much time with but it's really great to be able to connect with somebody even online).

Once Kolbie and I got home from the doctors and the pharmacy we changed into our jammies and started to relax for the afternoon, and Greg was hurrying off to work upset that every took so long because he's really busy. But I had one huge problem once I got settled, WE HAD NOTHING TO EAT IN OUR HOUSE. And when I say nothing, I mean really nothing people! Kolbie tried to grate slice cheese because she wanted nachos. I don't care who you are, that's just gross!!! We have been so busy, and I've been "on the bench" poor Greg is just too busy to do any grocery shopping. Please understand that I am not being critical of Greg, he's working so hard, and you can only do so much.

To be completely honest about things, my heart is breaking for Greg and the kids. Unfortunatley they are dealing with the hardest part of this situation. I can't drive them anywhere, and I'm so emotional about things I cry all the time. Infact I just woke my husband up at midnight (which I'm sure he appreciated since he has to work early tomorrow) in tears. But I couldn't really tell you what I was upset about. I just worry like any parent and wife about problems that you can't fix and just don't seem to go away.

Seeing my worry for Greg and the kids I did take action. I called the Relief Socity President (that always helps me figure things out when things get tough though she would never admit to it). Thank you, you know who you are. And I realized that I just needed to "suck it up" and get myself to the grocery store. One huge difficulty we're having as a family is that I can't drive. Fortunatley, I am blessed with great friends and neighbors. I called around to see what everybody was doing. Most of my neighbors were doing their homeschool duty (which I'm finding more amazing and not as "unusual" as I once thought), but remembered a friend that mentioned that if I ever needed a ride anywhere (or anything else for that matter) to give her a call. So I did, and to her credit she was at my house within 15 minutes. We all say "give me a call" or "if you need anything", but do we really mean it? she was there when me (and my family) needed her. And to top it all off, she has 2 small children. Anyway, she came and picked me up and off to Walmart we went.

My friend let me do as much shopping as I needed ($200 dollars worth -- that just goes to show you how depleated my family was), when she only spent $30 bucks at the most. She never complained, or made me feel hurried. Infact, she got mad a me for buying her kids a Happy Meal from McDonalds and for me leaving a couple packages of chocolate-chip cookies in her car (I honestly think she was a little annoyed when I told her that I knew nothing about any cookies).

The entire point of all my rambeling tonight is to say thank you to a couple of friends that were as good as their word, and taught me a lot today. Sometimes we forget that our biggest blessing are staring us right in the face, or are literally a phone call away. It was hard for me to swallow my pride and call a few friends to ask for some very needed help, but they didn't question and were so respectful and giving it just amazes me. My friends understood that it's tough for me to ask for help, again.

I came home from Walmart absoutley exhausted and ready for a nap, but very greatful and happy. Chris put the grocerys away before football practice (which another friend came and drove him to I am blessed in so many ways it amazes me), and as I relaxed (I will save how amazing my children are for another post, but I think you all know how absolutely amazing they are) I thought about how much I learned today.

Thank you for all you do, arranging a few means, rides to practice and dance class, and a ride to the grocery store never meant so much.

The Miracle Of The Moment

2009-07-28T00:47:00.002-06:00

It's almost 1am and I'm sitting here at my computer trying not to cry.

In a few short hours Katie is going to girls camp for the first time. She is so excited, which makes me happy. She says no thanks everytime I tell her that she can stay home with me, which makes me happy and sad. For the record, I had a great time at girls camp. I loved every minute of it, with the exception of 1 day the first year that I went. But that's a story for another day.

When I write posts, I try to be funny and light-hearted, even if that's not how I'm feeling. It brightens my mood. But today, I just can't muster up the energy to be funny and light-hearted. The fact of the matter is: I'm dreading the next few days.

I know that I'm going to send my little girl to camp, and in some ways that little girl won't ever come back. She's going to comeback a young woman. She'll come back changed. I will still have the beautiful girl that she has always been. She'll still be goofy and silly. She'll be the most organized person I know and still have a messy room. She'll still be the picky eater of my family. But she will also come back completely different.

She'll comeback after spending a few day completely without me, and I really hate that fact. I hate that everyday she'll need me less and less. I hate the fact that she'll learn and grow and progress and I won't be there to see it. Katie is becoming such a wonderful young woman. She has purpose and substance. She has strength and stability. She has the power to make me laugh and cry. She has taught me how to really love someone.

The night Chris (Katie's older brother) was born, I was sitting in a hospital bed holding my beautiful new baby boy. I was so happy. I remember my dad leaning down and whispering in my ear: "...enjoy this moment sweetheart, because tomorrow your sending him on his mission." I remembering being so mad at my dad for this comment. I remember telling him to "...buzz off..." because I wanted to enjoy the moment. The reason I'm sharing this story, is that I do feel like I'm sending my kids off on a mission.

I know it's only girls camp, but I feel like my kids have grown up so fast. And I feel like I've missed it. I've been there, but I've been caught up in so many other things I haven't really enjoyed the journey. I have a close friend that I wish I was more like, because she truly enjoys every moment of being with her children. She enjoys listening to their funny stories and stupid jokes. She loves jumping on the trampoline and making fun birthday cakes. I'm not saying that she's perfect, or that she doesn't get frustrated, but I do wish I was more like her. Greg seems to have this ability as well. He is so content just sitting back and watching the miracle of the moment.

I walked out of my room last night and overheard Katie saying her prayers. That as a mother is a wonderful moment. She asked in her prayer that all my kidney stones will go away, so her mom can be healthy again. She also asked God to send her Papa a new liver so he can be healthy too, and we can all be happy. I stood there and listened and realized that my girl is growing up. The baby that was so small I was scared to hold is growing up to be an amazing woman. I must have done something right alone the way somewhere to have such an amazing young woman as my daughter.

She is not without her problems. She has a short fuse and yells at her sister and brother all the time. She has a messy room. She's not very good at math. She is very picky about what she's willing to eat. She watches too much TV. She is far from perfect. But I don't think I could love her any more than I do now.

I guess the point of this post is that I am blessed to have such a wonderful young woman as my daughter, but I'm sad that she's growing up so fast. She's leaving for girls camp in a few hours and I know that she's never going to be the same again. She's going to go away and she's going to have fun with her friends. She'll laugh and giggle and not sleep. She's going to learn from amazing leaders that love her and she will learn to love them. She is going to build relationships and memories that she'll have for the rest of her life. And I won't be a part of any of it. I know that some of this is my choice and I feel so guilty about that, but I also know that she has to do this. I know this is an experience that she wants and needs.

I know that I'm long-winded and am probably over-reactingto this as I do about so man things. I'm happy for Katie and I'm excited to hear about all her adventures that are coming. But I don't like the fact that everyday she needs me less and less. I know that as a parent the best thing I can do for my kids is to let go and watch them soar, but that is the hardest thing I will ever do.

Post Script: I don't have the energy to proof-read this post, so I apologize for all my spelling errors and typo's.

Hey June!!! Is that the mouth you pray with?

2009-05-24T00:56:00.003-06:00

I know that no one is reading this anymore since I haven't posted anything in almost 2 months, but I just haven't had anything much to say. Which never was a problem before, so I decided I need to start posting again. So:

WOW!!! WHAT A DAY!!!! Today was "Flip-Flip Day" (aka: Black Friday's uglier and MUST MORE UNPLEASANT sibling) at Old Navy, which is where I work. I've spent the last few days trying to get the store ready for an ultra-busy day, but this madness exceeded even my expectation. I expected the long lines, I expected the store to be a mess, I expected my team to be overwhelmed (which is why I brought in my homemade Rice Crispy Treats and 7-Layer Dip which you wouldn't normally eat together, but strangely kind of work when your blood sugar is low), and I expected our customers to be a little grumpy. But this was INSANE!

First, I made Greg drive me to work because I didn't want to worry about trying to find a parking spot, and I wanted him to take some pictures. For the record I would like it noted that Greg teased me all morning about this, but then the car became strangely quiet when he pulled our little car into the parking lot. The only thing said was: "...drop me off by the door please. Please help me bring the Rice Crispy Treats to the back room." I didn't see Greg again for almost a half an hour.

Working retail isn't for the faint of heart. Someone important and really smart said that once, I'm sure of it!

I got to the store at about 9:45. I don't know what the line looked like before we opened, but it stretched all the way to the back of the store, back up to the front and half way back again. I feel like I should get hazard pay for having to run from the front door all the way to the back while carrying my 7-layer dip (which was delicious by the way). When a crowd of slightly pudgy moms already upset because they can only get 5 pairs of flip-flops see 7-layer dip it's like a moth attracted to a flame. SO WATCH OUT!!!!

Aside from almost losing my life over my pot-luck donation, the worst part of today was by far GRUMPY CUSTOMERS!!!!! I experienced the single worst customer I HAVE EVER DEALT WITH IN MY LIFE today. She and her husband (let's call them Walt and June) were the highlight of my day. I won't go into detail, but let's just say that I was shaking with anger by the time Walt and June decided to leave my store. I had to go in the back and take some deep breaths!!!!!

I definitely learned a thing or two from this experience. Like: THE NEXT PERSON WHO CALLS ME OR MY ASSOCIATES NAMES WHILE WE ARE TRYING TO HELP THEM WILL BE GIVEN THE NUMBER TO CUSTOMER SERVICE, MY NAME AND STORE NUMBER, AND THEN WILL BE TOLD TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to ask Walt and June if that was the same mouth they pray with. :) Judging from their behavior, I'm thinking not.

I help run a clothing store. It's not glamorous or flashy. I don't read to the blind, I don't cure disease, I don't prevent hunger. I simply do not understand why people can get so mad at me for doing something as simple as selling jeans and t-shirts. I understand that lines were long, and they only got 5 pairs of flip-flops, but COME ON PEOPLE!

I have been known (in my deep dark past) to get upset at some poor customer service associate, but my view has changed over the years. I have tried to make it a policy that every time I am lucky enough to have a good experience somewhere, I ask for the manager and give a good report. As a manager, I hear so many negative things, and so few good things, but I know that my team does a good job. Every time I hear something good or positive I ALWAYS share this experience with my team, and we all have better days. Why are we so ready to tell someone that they did a bad job and so reluctant to tell someone they did a great job?

Please, someone explain!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boys are stupid, but girls can be stupider

2009-04-05T08:36:00.003-06:00

Last night at work 2 nice young men and a beautiful young woman happened to come through my line and bought a pair of mens jeans and 2 pairs of mens cargo shorts. No big deal. That happens every day. EXCEPT!!!!! One of the young men was wearing a hoodie that said something about Utah Valley State University Baseball. Since today is OPENING DAY I had to share this STUPID STORY.

After noticing the hoodie I said:
So, what pro-team to do follow?

Young man: I don't play pro, I play for Utah Valley.

I thought: WELL, DUH!!!!!! Opening day is tomorrow, if you played pro-ball you probably wouldn't be worrying about buying jeans in West Jordan Utah right now. But since I was giving great customer service, I didn't say that.

Instead I said: Your hoodie is for Utah Valley Baseball, do you follow a pro team?

Young man: No, I don't follow a specific pro-team. I follow pitchers. I love relief pitchers.

Obviously this kid is a pitcher. Bet you 20 bucks, he throws relief.

I said: That's great.

Young man: What team to do you follow?

I'm positive he was trying to make me feel stupid, so my reply was:

I love the Mets!!!! Always have. I think it's going to be a good year.

Young man: Well, yeah since you have my man K-Rod.

My reply: It's along way from Anaheim to New York, we'll see.

Young Man: Then why do you think it'll be such a good year?

I said: Well, lots of reasons. Carlos Delgado, we've been working on putting some depth in our bull-pen (K-Rod will help), we also signed Gary Shefield so he'll help get us some runs, and then there's always Mr. Wright.

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO NOTE THAT I WAS REFERRING TO DAVID WRIGHT AS MR. WRIGHT. GREG IS MR. RIGHT, DAVID WRIGHT IS MR. WRIGHT.

Young Man: Mr. Who?

Me: You know, Mr. Wright. David Wright my third baseman. Did you see his walk-off single to beat Puerto Rico in "The Classic"? It was amazing.

At this point, the young man turned to his friend and gave him the weirdest look. He then asked:

Why are you such a Mets Fan?

My reply: Oh, it started back when I was a kid. Darryl Strawberry was playing outfield for them, and I thought he was amazing. Old habits die hard.

Young man: Yeah, I like drugs too. HA-HA!

Me:That was a bad choice of words on my part. But his will be a great year. Tim Kirkjan has picked David Wright to be the NL MVP. I have faith.

At this point this young mans (I should say kid, he couldn't have been a day over 23) wife entered the conversation. She was standing there the entire time, she had heard every word of our conversation. She turned to him, grabbed his hand, leaned into him and asked: Do you have everything? Then she reached into his pocket and handed him his wallet.

I literally had to hold my breath so I wouldn't laugh. At that point, the kid paid his money and they left.

I went back to the fitting room and was laughing so hard I could hardly breath. A kid I work with saw me laughing and asked me what was so funny, so I told him the story.

His reply: Jill, boys are stupid, but girls are stupider.

Old married -- and loving it!!

2009-03-08T17:44:00.005-06:00

Saturday afternoon our usually loud and busy house was eerily quiet. Kolbie was at Annie's (her best buddy), and Chris and Kate went to the movies with Austin. Greg and I... literally sat our kitchen table and ate in complete silence. Finally, we did have a conversation. It went something like this:

ME: With the kids gone, the house is so quiet.

GREG: I know. (Greg, always a man of many words.)

ME: What do you want to do?

GREG: I don't know, what do you want to do?

ME: I don't know. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

GREG: Well, (he says while rubbing his chin the way he does this drives me crazy, but in a good way:), I think there's a game on ESPN.

ME: What kind of game?

GREG: Baseball.

ME: Ok, sounds good to me!!!

And off we went down into the pit of our basement and watched the World Baseball Classic, we also watched Forrest Gump during the commercials to the baseball game. Venezuela beat Italy 6-0.

OH, HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE HECK HAS HAPPENED TO US? There was a time that if Greg and I were alone we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other, now we're content watching baseball and Forrest Gump. Let me be completely clear:

WE WERE ALONE!!!

OUR KIDS WEREN'T EVEN GOING TO BE COMING HOME SOON!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE'RE NEVER ALONE!!!!!

I fear that Greg and I have "passed the point of no return": we are old and married. Everyone always says when they get married that they will never act like their parents, they will never reach that old and married stage. Just like everyone always say: I will never say "because I said so" to their children. Yeah, well, it happens to the best of us.

At least Greg and I can laugh about it. I mentioned it to him this afternoon and we had a good laugh. I told him that if I were to remarry I was going to marry for money, he said he would marry for looks. I know he has no money, and apparently I'm quite homely. Oh well.

Despite all this, there is something to be said about being with someone for a long time. I feel so comfortable with Greg. But that's not always a good thing, like when he holds my hair back when I throw-up, (I'm sorry but when I'm sick, I don't want anyone to touch me let alone look at me when I'm puking). I know that some people say that if a man will hold your hair back when you throw-up it true love. Um hello, have you ever seen someone throw-up? It's not pretty, and despite being homely (and being with Greg for 17 years) I would still like to THINK I'm pretty when I'm around him. Call me crazy.

I love being married, even though my husband can drive me nuts!!! I love him even though he is the weirdest person I know. These are some of the things that makes him weird:

1. He likes Nascar.

2. Not only does he like Nascar, he has a "Fantasy Nascar" team. What is that exactly?

3. He puts Velvetta Nacho cheese on his doritos. I find this completely weird and TOTALLY DISGUSTING!!!

4. He's a Dallas Cowboys fan. This does bring me some enjoyment since they haven't won a play-off game in years and this week when they cut T.O.!!!;)

5. He'll come up to me hold out his finger and say:

Feel this.

What's wrong with your finger? I ask.

Just feel. He says.

So I touch his finger and ask: what's that?

His reply: It's my finger.

6. He has James Family Jump Rope Competitions.

7. He snores like a buzz saw (which he completely denies).

8. He has started to worry about what he wears except when it comes to shoes.
(I tell him he's turning into a closet Metro, which he completely denies by the way).

9. He only yells when he's REALLY, REALLY, REALLY mad. When we fight (oh yeah, we fight) he just stops talking. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!! I think that (at times) it's healthy to get in a good old fashion fight. Yelling at your spouse can release frustration, but the best part is making up. ;)

10. He pays someone to cut his hair (since Jaylynn moved). Greg is almost completely bald so paying someone to cut his hair is hilarious. He just won't break down and buy hair clippers to buzz what's left of his hair (a $2 dollar Bic razor and some shaving cream would work).

11. He listens to completely weird and un-hip music! Which I have started listening to as well.

OH NO!!!!!

THE WEIRDNESS IS STARTING TO RUB-OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite all of these weird things about Greg, I'm still in love with him. What's even more amazing is that he seems to still be in love with me, for this I am grateful.

Going to the dentist

2009-03-05T16:47:00.004-07:00

Sorry, it's been a while since I posted anything. I haven't really had too much to say (for the first time in my life).

Tomorrow, I have to go to the dentist to have 2 cavitities filled (I have to go back in a few weeks to have 2 more filled). I HATE going to the dentist. I would rather have a baby (except for the being pregnant part, that's way worse than going to the dentist).

Anyway, I went to the dentist for the first time in a long time a couple of weeks ago, and I have 4 caviities. 4!!!!!!!!! The last time I'd been to the dentist was before Kolbie was born (she's almost 9). I truly, truly hate going to the dentist. So, I thought: "why am I paying for this stupid insurance when I know I have cavities?" So off to the dentist I went.

The dentist seemed like a nice enough guy, for a dentist. He saw how agitated I was about even being there, and he suggested that I get put under general anesthetic (sp) to get all of my teeth fixed at once. That sounded fine with me until he told me that it would cost me $300 per hour, and it wouldn't be covered by my insurance at all! What do I pay the stupid insurance company for anyway? So all my hopes and dreams of getting all my teeth fixed and clean at one time died!! Instead, I opted for taking a Valium an hour before I leave for my appointment. I hope it works, I'm about to have a heart attack just sitting here thinking about my appointment tomorrow.

So, here's my plan for tomorrow:
Step 1: Make sure that I plug my ipod in so it is charging on Thursday night.
Step 2: Pray.
Step 3: Brush me teeth really, really well every day, but especially on Friday morning.
Step 4: Pray.
Step 5: Be sure to take my ipod with me to the dentist.
Step 6: Pray.
Step 7: Take my medication 1 hour prior to my appointment.
Step 8: Pray.
Step 9: Listen to my ipod during my appointment so I don't have to listen to all that drilling.
Step 10: Pray.
Step 11: Try not to have a heart attack.
Step 12: PRAY!!!!!!

I don't think I've explained how much I hate going to the dentist. I hate everything about the dentist. The smell of the office, the smiling lady at the front desk, the smell of the office, the perky dental hygentist, the smell of the office, opening my mouth, the smell of the office, THE PAIN, and the smell of the office. I'm trying to not have a panic attack right now.

My addiction to Facebook

2009-02-24T01:14:00.002-07:00

I just realized something, it's been over a week since I put a post on here, but I've been on my computer constantly. Why is that? I am an addict. I am addicted to Facebook. And I don't really know why.

I like to have interaction with my friends and co-workers. I like to be proactive and talk with them when I chose to. I love writing my blog, but all I feel like I do is drone on and on about something that is usually unimportant and then wait for someone to comment. On most posts I only get 1 or 2 comments, and I get so disappointed. I really don't get how people can get so many people to comment on their blogs. One blog I read is call NormalMormonHusbands and his posts generate over 100 comments. Of course his blog is much more entertaining than mine, but I don't even think my mother reads my blog. Basically I'm saying: my audience is small and my interaction with them is very limited. I love facebook because I can go online and see what my friends are doing or saying about themselves, and then I can interact with them if I chose to. And I can see so many more people. I looked up my high school graduating class, and got to read about so many people from high school. I thought this was really cool, until I realized that so many people have accomplished so much, and I have really accomplished so little in comparison. I don't recommend look up old classmates, it can get rather depressing.

So, you ask what did I do tonight? I chatted with a good friend about everything under the sun, and wasn't limited by the telephone. I could get up and tuck Kolbie into bed, use the bathroom, and brush my teeth, and it didn't interrupt my conversation at all. It was great. And when I say I talked to her all night, I really mean it. We started chatting at about 6pm and I logged of after 10 because I had to go to bed (what a joke that turned out to be, it 1:25am and I'm still not asleep)!

Greg asked me Sunday afternoon if there was a 12-step program for people who are addicted to Facebook, and "could we find a meeting or something to go to". What a funny guy. Right now, I like my little addiction to Facebook. My experience has been great (other than looking up old classmates). So keep up with Facebook, I really enjoy it. And you may also comment here too, I really enjoy that. It lets me know that someone reads my ramblings.

I Dance Like Elaine

2009-02-15T19:43:00.003-07:00

So, last night for Valentines Day Greg and I...went to a church dance. I had a good time, but it was a little weird seeing a member of the Stake Presidency waltz to the Electric Slide.

We have some good friends from our ward that were at the dance, and it was fun. But it brought back a lot of unpleasant memories. I am not a social person, I stress out every time I'm put into a "social" setting. I ALWAYS say the first thing that pops into my head (see: I think I'll shut-up now post), and that has made for some interesting social "situations".

The biggest problem that I had on Saturday Night was: I DON'T DANCE!!!! Not around people anyway. I was the kid in dance class that was always on the back row half way off the stage for dance recitals, and I NEVER went to school dances. I do dance in my kitchen when I listening to my ipod, and I disco when my girls are dancing in the living room, but I only do that because of the reaction I get from them (Kolbie joins in, but Katie look at me like I've got lobsters crawling out my ears). The funniest thing about going to the dance last night was, Greg can't dance either. In fact, he stepped on my feet so much that they still hurt. Greg and I joked that we dance like Elaine. I don't remember what kind of party that Elaine, Jerry, Kramer, and George were at but Elaine was dancing.

George said: "Have you seen Elaine dance? It's like watching a full body dry heave."

That about sums up my dancing style. I'm too reserved and up-tight. I just can't relax in situations like that. I wish I was one of those people that could just relax and have fun, but I just can't. I'm just like my dad that way, my mom could let loose and have fun, but not my dad. I think my mom even won a dance contest she joined with my grandpa. I don't know what happened to me and my dad though, his mom (my Grandma Kate) used to tell me about when she and grandpa would put the kids to bed early then they would push all the furniture out of the way and they would dance all night. I think that sounds so fun, but Greg and I dance like Elaine, besides we would miss some sporting event on TV.

It was fun to watch our friends at the dance. I could just picture everyone as teenagers, and we still are the same people we were then. Here are some funny things I noticed:

Boys still pretend they can slam-dunk basketballs.

There is still the weird guy that dances wild-and-crazy and everyone watches, but he's having the most fun.

There is the couple that can dance really, really well. And everyone is jealous (or maybe it was just me).

There is the couple that hardly ever dances, but knows everyone and spends the entire time talking with friends.

A member of what I call "The Leadership Team" still walks around to make sure no one is making-out in the corner.

It takes about an hour before many will loosen up and go out and dance. Greg and I got there about 45 minutes late on purpose!

There's is still the person that can't dance, but tries. -- That's me. :)

One of the most interesting places to "people watch" is at a church dance. It's interesting to see who will fill what role.

I would go to dance lessons if the ward or stake had them, but yoga class would be safer for everyone involved. :)

I need some advice

2009-02-06T14:58:00.003-07:00

I know that I tend to be overly serious, but I need some help.

I'm a Mother. I have the three best kids in the world. They amaze me, and scare me. Last night Chris (he's 13) started asking questions. TOUGH QUESTIONS!!! Questions that don't have easy answers.

I don't think questions are bad. Accepting answers, that's hard. During our discussion with Chris yesterday, he cried. At first this bothered Greg, but it just makes me love Chris more. He is very genuine. He has a very tender heart.

How do I help Chris understand that everyone sins? How do I help him understand that because we all sin, we are all more alike than different? How do I help him understand that when God looks at his children, he doesn't see all our faults, but sees all our potential? How do I help a child understand principles that I don't really grasp myself?

I openly admit that I have had (and am currently experiencing) a trial of faith. I seem to have more questions than answers these days. I can tell that Greg is frustrated, and I fear that my stubbornness is hurting my children. Maybe my ignorance is what's really the problem. Why didn't I prepare for the day when my kids ask questions with impossible answers? I knew this day would come, and I feel so unprepared!

I think I'll shut-up now

2009-02-04T17:28:00.002-07:00

Anyone who has known me for any amount of time (like a second and a half) knows that I can be very outspoken and opinionated. I also have an amazing ability to stick my foot in my mouth. I have some stories that would curl your hair!

There was the time when Greg and I were eating dinner with his parents (about 2 weeks before our wedding) and I quoted a line from The Christmas Story. Ralphie's dad had just gotten his "major prize" and Ralphie was saying how much he loved that lamp. "It was electric sex glowing in the window." I will NEVER forget the look on Sharron's face. EVER!

Then today, I went to lunch with a friend from work. We were talking about the big Michael Phelps scandal.

Please keep in mind this simple equation: Jill + sports + opinion = DISASTER!!

JILL: Did you hear about Michael Phelps?

FRIEND: Yeah, I can't believe it.

JILL: It didn't surprise me.

SIDEBAR: Anyone, and I mean ANYONE that is continually told how wonderful they are will eventually fall on their face. HARD! That kid has been set up for disaster for years! Guess what? Michael Phelps made a bad choice. We all do. He just had the privilege to screw up in front of the whole world. I feel bad for him.

FRIEND: What do you mean?

JILL: Well, you know he was arrested for drunk driving when he was 19 right?

FRIEND: Yeah, I know that. But, I was arrested for drunk driving too. That doesn't make him a bad person.

CRAP!!!!

That is not what I meant, but looking back I can see where she's coming from. I am an idiot!

I also recently told a friend that I thought she was weird because she liked being pregnant. Then I told her that she shouldn't worry about what I think about her. Again, not what I meant. The problem is this friend doesn't really know me well enough to know that I tend to speak and then engage my brain. Sorry--you know who you are.

To be honest, more than one person has been offended beyond repair because of my big fat mouth, and I feel like I've suffered because I don't have these friends.

Greg has learned to deal with my "problem" very well over the years. He doesn't even act embarrassed anymore (most of the time), and frequently he doesn't even say anything to me. He already knows how crappy I feel because I usually figure out that I've screwed up on my own. After all this time, Greg usually just laughs, shakes his head and walks away. He's a very good sport about everything, unless I really out-do myself. The thing that amazes me about what a great sport he is, is the fact that I really don't try very hard to censor myself when I'm around family (his or mine). I think I like the shock factor.

This character trait is something that I think is funny or quirky in other people, but I HATE IT ABOUT MYSELF!!! I also thought that I would grow out of it as I got older. Boy, was I wrong!! The older I get the worse it is. If things don't change soon, I'm going to be a lonely old woman with a lot of cats. Maybe age = honesty?

STORY: At work, I was given the responsibility to improve our break room. I spent so much time measuring, and thinking and trying to come up with ideas to make things better. Finally, 2 days before I was scheduled to make all the changes I was talking to one of my bosses and said I needed to get Greg in to look at things to give me some ideas. In my defense: Greg is very good at that kind of thing and could help me figure things out. Well, I went on to say and I quote: "...I just need the brain of a boy to help me figure this out..." My boss, his name is Dave.

Like I said, I think I'll shut-up now.

Mom Jeans

2009-01-31T19:42:00.002-07:00

Today, Greg and I spent out day remodeling Katie's bedroom. Several years ago we had a flood and are now fixing up the room for Katie. I'll post pictures later.

Well, we got up this morning and I decided that I didn't want to wear my good jeans to do home improvements. So I pulled out my pair of retired jeans that I only wear when I when I do home improvements. I put them and one of Greg's famous Monster Truck T-Shirts, old shoes and was ready to go. I happen to glance in the mirror and was HORRIFIED!!! I was wearing "Mom Jeans"!!!

You know what Mom Jeans are. They're high-waisted (so high waisted that the waist band almost touches your bra strap), they have tapered legs, are a disgusting color, are baggy and loose (you buy jeans like this because you THINK they make you look thinner, but they only make it look like your wearing a denim tent), the back pockets are so high on the back, your butt looks just pain scary.

I was wearing "Mom Jeans", I also call them: My I Don't Care Anymore Jeans. I am not a fashion expert, but I am trying a lot harder than I used to. I wouldn't buy Mom jeans now if my life depended on it. I did go through a period of my adult life that I just didn't care what I wore. I blamed this stage on having small children (that was part of it) but I could have tried harder.

So, today I had my "Mom Jeans" on (I have to add that they are much looser than they used to be YIPPEE!!) but I was just going to do home improvements, I don't want to ruin my "good jeans", so off to work I went. I spent the day sawing, hammering, and do all kinds of fun things. Then Greg announces: "We have to go to Lowe's, grab your coat." So I did, and out the door I went. It might be useful to add that I hadn't really brushed my hair, I didn't have any make-up on, (I had brushed my teeth, it's just gross not to), and don't forget the jeans and monster truck t-shirt.

Greg and I got to Lowe's and as usual, I went wandering off to look at all the cool stuff when Greg got to figure out how to run a phone line down to Katies new room. I was back looking at sliding-glass doors and around the corner came a couple. The woman looked so beautiful! Her hair was done, her make-up on, she didn't have on mom jeans. Not one hair out of place! I was thinking how cute she looked, then she gave me the weirdest look. You know that look. The "you've spilled spaghetti sauce on your shirt and you don't even know it look". I glanced down, and remembered (much to my embarrassment) that I was wearing my Mom Jeans! I didn't know this woman, I'm just grateful that I didn't run into an old boyfriend or someone I knew in high-school (I usually do when I look that crappy). I decided that I don't really care enough about how I look. But I'm going to leave in a few minutes to take Kolbie to the movies, I have showered and washed my hair, I'm NOT wearing my Mom Jeans or a monster truck t-shirt, but I'm only wearing mascara. Maybe I'm just getting old!!!

P.S. My nice jeans are not from The Brittany Spears or Paris Hilton school of thought. A woman reaches a certain age when she shouldn't be wearing super low waisted jeans. I freely admit that I have reached that age. But, I don't look like I'm wearing a denim tent either!!

Gotta run, we're going to be late for Twilight!

So many of us forget...

2009-01-29T21:34:00.007-07:00

My friend Heather posted this video from YouTube on her Facebook account, and I had to share it. It makes me happy and makes me cry EVERY time I watch it. I'm too dumb to get the video to post on my blog from YouTube, but trust me, it's worth your time. Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZtU676jA_k

Anyone, and I mean ANYONE that knows me, knows that I love sports. There is nothing I love more in this world than watching my kids (or anybody else) play ball. I love a good ball game. Usually baseball and football.

But, the thing that I HATE about sports is that we easily forget what they can really mean. We always hear about someone signing a huge contract, or being recruited by the best college teams. The focus always on "getting" something. We forget so quickly what sports really can mean to someone.

99.9% of kids that play ball (in any sport) will never play professional ball. That's just a fact. A few are lucky enough to play in college. And some will even play on their local high school teams. But how many can say that they play because they truly love the game they play?

This kid, by most peoples definition, would never be successful at his sport. Even his parents and coach will admit that. But seeing pictures of him at those basketball games he really, really loves basketball. He was given the opportunity to play in that game because HE EARNED IT! He was dedicated and devoted. He earned his chance.

I remember when Katie played in her first season of baseball. She played with the boys. Our friend Dan was her coach. Heather was her biggest cheerleader. Katie learned a lot that season. But the biggest thing she learned is that she loved to play. Katie became a "special" project for that team. The goal of those coaches, (and her special cheerleader) was to get that kid a true hit, and get her on base. The team also because supportive. So many boys just wouldn't care, but this team did. When she would go up to bat you would see every member of her team crossing their fingers, their arms, their legs, their eyes, and anything else they could for luck. One of her coaches ever promised her that if she got a hit, he would wear a pink belt to their next game.

The rest of this story, I'm sad to say I didn't personally witness. I was running somebody to practice. But Katie got up to bat, against the best team in the division. And she got her hit. She got a HOMERUN!!! Her entire team ran out to home plate cheering. And coach Dan ran over and picked her up and swung her around. I think her special cheerleader might have cried. And her coach wore a pink belt, just like Katie did for every game she had.

A year later, Katie was playing in an older division. She was the only girl on the team (again). She didn't have coaches that were as dedicated, but she did have an umpire that would promise that he would buy her a corndog if she hit the ball. He would tell her: "You show these boys real girl-power! You show them what a girl can do!" Almost every time Umpire Colby said this to her, she would hit the ball. And everytime she did, he would buy her a corndog (even is she hit a foul ball).

Since then, Katie has fallen in love with softball. She sets goals, and does her best. She truly loves playing her sport. I love that about Katie.

Am I perfect at remembering what sports are really about. Absolutley not! I keep score, and follow stats, I have even been known to yell at umpires and a few coaches. How many of us really remember that sports are about having fun and spending time doing something you love? How many times do you see dedication like this kid has? How many times do you see an entire gym cheering and going crazy because something truly special has happened?

The kid in this video is special. But he's not special because of his disability. I think he's special because of his ability. His amazing ability (that so many of us forget) to find something that we are truly passionate about. Finding something we love.

My goal this season is to try and remember what sports can really be. Helping kids learn and grow and love the sport they play.

Change!

2009-01-23T15:30:00.004-07:00

I just noticed that it's been 2 weeks since I put anything on here. That's a really long time. Honestly, I just haven't had a lot to say. I know how shocking that sounds, I ALWAYS have something to say, but not too much lately.

The only really amazing thing that I have done lately is watch the Inauguration of Barak Obama. I thought that this event was truly amazing! I feel grateful that I am lucky enough to watch this amazing part of our history.

Truth: I did vote for Barak Obama.

Truth: I don't feel like he's "The Savior" of our country.

Truth: I didn't choose to vote for Obama because he wasn't Bush or McCain. My choice came from who he is, not who he isn't. Although, I really don't like Bush or McCain.

I feel like it's time for a huge change for our country. The attitude and mood of our country reminds me of when I was a kid. WAY BACK in the 80's. Personally, I'm sick of hearing about how crappy the economy is. I think if the STUPID media would stop talking about how crappy things are, they wouldn't seem so crappy. Maybe I'm wrong. It's time for attitudes to shift. It's time to see what we can do to make things better not just point the finger of blame.

Truth: I wouldn't want to be Barak Obama for all the money in the world!

Mr. Obama has just started the most stressful and difficult job in the world (other than being a parent, he was already one of those), being the leader of the free world. My friend Trish, who is from Ireland, and I were talking about the election, and she said that on election day, at a funeral in rural Ireland, they were praying about our election. This shocked me. I don't claim to be a world traveler, (I haven't even left Utah in several years, sad but true) but I think as Americans we don't realize how far reaching our country and influence really is. I mentioned this to Trish, and her exact words were: "You Americans have no idea how important you are, and how you effect EVERYTHING."

While I don't think that our new President should be looked at as "The Savior" of our country, I know that he will be blamed if things don't change. That's a ton of pressure! I have a very simple (and occasionally stupid) mind. The only thing that I can relate this to is my job, and yes, I know that being President of the United States is a lot different and much more important than running a retail outlet. But, Trish is the GM of our store. She can't do everything to make that store be what it's supposed to be, but if things aren't working, the buck stops with her. That's how I look at our new President. He CANNOT make all the changes that need to be made. It's impossible. But he can LEAD us to change. But there's that old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I wonder if this will be true with our country. Are we all going to be willing to let someone lead us? Are we going to be willing to help and follow and lead when we need to? My Dad always told me that part of being a good leader is knowing when to follow. Are we, as a country, humble enough to do that? I know that the buck will stop with the President, and I think he knows that. Is there a more stressful job (other than being a parent)? Talk about having the weight of the world on your shoulders! I know I couldn't handle it.

I guess my question to all of us is:

"Are we all going to complain for the next 4 years, or are we going to get our hands dirty and do something about all this?"

I want to make it clear, that I don't think that Mr. Obama is always right. I decided a long time ago that questions are good. We should ask questions and be informed. I'm just so sick of ignorant people complaining that everything is so bad, and then do nothing to help things get better! I've heard people on the news say things like: "Now that Obama has won the election, he's going to make it so that I won't have to pay my mortgage, and I won't have to work as much!" I know this isn't very lady-like, but WHAT AN IDIOT!!! Everyone talks about change, but who really wants it? Change comes from hard, hard, hard work. It doesn't matter if your trying to turn an economy around, or trying to stop drinking so much Coke. CHANGE IS HARD!

So:

Do we have what it takes? Do we have enough focus and determination?

I hope and pray that we (as a country) have enough strength, self-control and vision to bring about true change.

"We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people. Yes we can."

~Barack Obama

My sweet girl turns 12!!!!

2009-01-09T06:51:00.005-07:00

Yesterday, Katie (my sweet girl) turned 12. I can't believe it!

I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. Greg almost missed her birth because he was downstairs in the hospital cafeteria in search of a hamburger. Grandma was right outside the door. And she was the smallest baby I'd ever seen. She only weighed 5 lbs 6 oz at birth, and lost an entire pound when we took her home. I've never been so TERRIFIED of something so small before. Anyway, Katie has grown into a wonderful young woman. I am so proud of her. Here's why:

1-She is very smart. Her grades are important to her and she works hard.
2-She is very self-motivated. I'll never forget when Kate decided to make a New Years Resolution to have no missing assignment for the rest of the school year. AND SHE DID IT!!! She now has a goal to get straight A's and is only short by 2 B+'s! WAY TO GO KATIE!!!!
3-She has a very strong sense of right and wrong. A lot of things are black and white for Katie. Either it's right or it's not. Period.
4-She is VERY out spoken about her sense of right and wrong. If your doing something that she thinks is wrong, she'll either tell you or she'll stay away from you. That simple.
5-She has an AMAZING sense of humor. Once a kid was teasing her about her height (she's very tall and slim) apparently this kid that was teasing her was very, very short. She called him a Leprechaun! I know this isn't very P.C. but it's HILARIOUS!!! She does this kind of thing all the time, just says stuff that's off the wall and funny.
6-She loves animals. I wouldn't be surprised if someday Katie decided to join Greenpeace or something. She loves animals, and cares about how they're treated. She's not a vegetarian although, I wouldn't be surprised if she turned into one.
7-She has the MOST BIZARRE eating habits of anyone I know. As a small child, she would eat almost anything, until she turn about 4 and then EVERYTHING changed. For the last 8 years Katie has been sustained by: Mac and Cheese (the good kind, not the off-brand), PB&J, Spaghetti-O's, spaghetti (we're really getting sick of spaghetti), the occasional piece of meat, and chicken nuggets from Wendy's. She also won't eat a potato in ANY FORM! She refuses to eat french fries even when I offered to pay her 20 bucks! There have been times like Christmas and Thanksgiving that she's sweet-talked Grandma or her Papa into making her Mac and Cheese so she could have something to eat.
8-If your mean to her, she'll just stay away from you. Unless your her sister or brother. Her attitude is: Fine, if your not going to be nice to me, I'll just go somewhere that people are nice to me. This is trait that she gets from her father, if I had this attitude it would have saved me so much heartache and tears.
9-She has gotten a very distinct sense of fashion. I think we've reached the point that I can't buy anything for her to wear unless she's there. Her new favorite place to shop is Aeropostale. She looks like a walking ad for the place.
10-Her favorite color is green. She even made me make green frosting for her birthday cake.
11-She is very aware of her heritage. She's named after my Grandma Kate, and Katie loves her with all her heart. She feels the same way about all of her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brother, sister and her parents.
12-She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES her friends. If your a friend of Katie, then your her friend for LIFE!!!
13-She seeks out friends.
14-If she feels like someone isn't being treated the way they should, she'll tell you AND do something about it!

and finally:

15-KATE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!! I've told her a couple of times, if the Brain Surgeon thing doesn't work out for her she could always be a Super Model. She just rolls her eyes and says "whatever", but I'm serious! I think she's going to give the boys in the ward and school a real run for their money!

There are so many more things that I could say about my sweet girl, I could go on forever!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Excuse me, WHAT??!!!

2009-01-06T16:25:00.008-07:00

Today while I was hard at work doing markdowns in baby girl with my boss Lisa and friend Judy, I said:

I really can't wait till bowl season is over! Maybe then I could get something done at home.

Judy: What are you talking about Jill? What's bowl season?

Me: You know, bowl season. College football BOWL SEASON!!!

Judy: What's the big deal about college football "bowl season"?

Me: Well, I go home from work every night, and then switch on the TV for a few minutes and there's a bowl game on and I just sit and watch it all night long. I'm just ready for bowl season to be over!

Lisa: Jill, when football season is over, there will just be another sport starting.

Judy: What are you two talking about?

Lisa: Well, Jill loves sports. It's like she got the mind of a man!

EXCUSE ME? I DO NOT HAVE THE MIND OF A MAN!!!!!!!!! Just because I listen to ESPN Radio, watch Sports Center, understand the infield fly rule, can keep score of a baseball game, anxiously await my ESPN The Magazine, look forward to reading Rick Reilly, know what it means when they say FIRST AND TEN in a football game, and think that the BCS is a bunch of crap, DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE THE MIND OF A MAN!!!!!

Honestly, I was a little offended, and really shocked!! The mind of a man? Come on!! Is there any lower insult? First of all, boys are GROSS!!! It doesn't matter if they're 2, 22, or 102, BOYS ARE GROSS!!! If you don't believe me, go ahead and ask one, they usually admit it. Second, I love a GOOD romance novel (they're hard to find), most men wouldn't be caught dead with a romance novel! I also worry too much what people think of me (many of the men I know don't really care too much what other people think. At least Greg doesn't)! I worry about not doing enough for my friends, family and at work. I have also been known to cry. None of the men I know cry when they get over-tired (I do) and not understand why they're crying, it's not manly. Also, any man with this many curves would run back to the cave from which they came and hide forever! And finally, ALL men instinctivley know how to use jumper cables and change a tire (I don't)!

And as you can see from the above images, I clearly DO NOT have the mind of a man!

By the way: opening day for baseball is just 2 1/2 short (okay really, that's a long time) months away and spring training starts next month!!!!! Now, that's "the most wonderful time of the year"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST SHUT-UP!!!!!!!

2009-01-03T10:09:00.002-07:00

One of my favorite radio programs is Mike and Mike In The Morning on ESPN Radio. I try to listen everyday, and on the computer. Once a week they nominate and have listeners vote on their "JUST SHUT-UP" award. I would like to nominate Nick Saben, head-coach for the Alabama Crimson Tide.

Last night the University of Utah Runnin' Utes BEAT Alabama (he-he-he) 31-17. Personally, I missed the game because I was working, but had Greg call me with updates. Well, this morning I was reading the newspaper about the Big Game, and I think Nick Saban needs to JUST SHUT-UP!!!!!

Here's a quote from today (1-3-2009) Salt Lake Tribune:

"Some of the last of the Utes' motivation may have come from Alabama coach Nick Saban, who shortly after his team lost of Florida in the SEC title game mentioned his team was the only team from a "real BCS conference" to go undefeated. Saban said Friday his comment wasn't meant as a slight to the Utes, but also acknowledged the Utes played with more passion than his team did."

SIDEBAR: Not a slight to the Utes? Really? He was trying to give his team a "mental edge" (it didn't work). A bowl game is about winning a football game, they weren't going to sit around a campfire singing Koom-Bi-Ya.

The article continues (and this next quote really got me going):

"If that's what gave them their intensity, then I guess I'm responsible for the way they played and I'm responsible for the way we played," he said. "So I am responsible for the whole damn kit and caboodle," he said."

So, he's responsible for his team not playing well. I can buy that, he's the head coach. But thinking he's responsible for the winning team playing better than the losing team is going a bit far. He didn't prepare those kids for that game. A game, by the way, that had a very distinct home field feel for Alabama (go look at a map Mr. Saban).

I think Mr. Saben's comments might have helped the Utes focus and get mad enough to HELP THEM WIN, but is not solely responsible for their win. If your going to look at where the Utes intensity came from just go back and listen to what ALL the sports talking-heads have been saying for the last month and a half. That might have added to their intensity a little bit, don't you think?

I think the quote from the paper that says "The last of the Utes' motivation may have come from Alabama Coach Nick Saban..." is right on. Did you hear that Mr. Saban? The LAST of their motivation, not ALL of their motivation!!! What an idiot!!

Nick Saban needs to JUST SHUT-UP!!!!

FIRE!

2008-12-27T17:36:00.002-07:00

Sometimes at work we have so much to do that we have to work all night. (I've said before, there's A LOT more to running a clothing store than just folding clothes.) The night of December 23rd was one of those nights. The store was open until midnight, then a small group of us was scheduled to stay several more hours.

At about 10:30p.m. Andrea and I went back to one of the offices that sit side by side just off the backroom. Both office doors were open. The empty office can be used by the District Manager, but he is based out of Logan, so we use that office to store our marketing. The other office is used by the management team to run the store. Andrea and I went back to the office to print some signs for some markdowns that we were working on. I gave Andrea what she needed and I was going to stay in the office to print some things. Andrea walked away and then started yelling: "FIRE!! FIRE!!! THERE'S A FIRE!!!" I jumped up and ran out of the office, and sure enough the chair in the District Managers office was on fire! It was really on fire! The flames were over a foot tall!!! I yelled into the walkie-talkies that we wear for Trish to get back to the backroom RIGHT NOW! Then, I grabbed the fire extingisher and put the fire out!! Using a fire extingisher is just like it seems in the movies. At this point Trish comes running into the backroom and asked: "What the heck is going on back here?!" Then she smells the fire, sees the smoke, hears me and Andrea coughing, and is: speechless. Sometimes there is just nothing to say. We spent the next 45 minutes trying to air out the back room, cleaning up the mess from the fire extinguisher, filing incident reports, and just trying to keep things under control. A little while later I was sitting at one of the two computers in the office (the office that didn't catch on fire) and Trish came in and sat down. She asked me if I was okay and all I could do was laugh. I laughed until I cried, the kind of laugh that makes your belly hurt. She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. When I got myself under control again all I could tell her was that sometimes you have to laugh so you don't cry.

What a day! I'm so disappointed!!

2008-12-18T15:00:00.005-07:00

Look how cute he is!!!

So after years of begging and pleading, I finally got Greg to take a day off work to spend with me for our anniversary. The fact that he took a day off at all is AMAZING, I've seen that guy go to work with the stomach flu.

Anyway, Greg took the day off and had some fun things planned for us. I woke up feeling fine, a little groggy, I have been getting to bed late the last couple of nights, but I felt okay. So, Greg took me out to breakfast. And as I was looking at the menu of yummy pancakes, waffles, and french toast, I started to not feel so good. You should have seen the look I got from Greg when all I could order was a fruit bowl. After we ordered, I just sat there, and Greg kept asking me if I was okay. By the time our food got to our table, I knew I wasn't okay. I ate one grape and had to go running for the bathroom. That's right folks, I got sick in an IHOP bathroom. DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!

The plan after going to breakfast was to go and see the BODY WORLDS exhibit at the Leonardo. I've been wanting to go to see it since it came to Salt Lake. Greg, bless his heart, was going to take me. We drove up to Salt Lake, me feeling worse and worse, but I wasn't going to ruin my day with Greg. So, we went to the exhibit. Cost 44 bucks. Well, I got sick there too. Fortunately, I didn't embarrass myself too much because I made it to the bathroom. Barely! The exhibit was amazing, but NOT the kind of thing you should go to if you feel sick to your stomach.

Greg's plan after Body Worlds was to go shopping at Gateway and finish up our Christmas shopping. But I just couldn't do it. I felt so bad when I asked Greg if he could just take me home. He was great about it (like he always is about this kind of thing) and took me home after a quick stop to Walmart. He bought me some Cherry Coke to settle my stomach, and the James Bond movie Casino Royale to watch. He's so sweet.

I've always had huge issues with guilt. ALWAYS! And I'm having tons of guilt today. He never takes the day off work, and he did just after a couple of big snow storms, so work is really busy. I was so excited to spend the day with him with no kids, no cell phones, no work, and I got sick! I know that it wasn't my fault, I didn't mean to get sick, but geez!!! I was hoping that this would be the beginning of a new tradition for our anniversary, but I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to take another day off to spend with me for a long, long time.

So, this is how Greg spent the rest of his afternoon:

That's not so bad, is it? I just wish today could have gone so much different. I ruin everything. I'm sure this is something I'll laugh about, someday!!!

16 Years!!!!!

2008-12-17T16:57:00.003-07:00

Look at what I got at work today:

Today Greg and I are celebrating our 16th anniversary!!! WOW!!!! We have officially doubled the length of an average marriage in the United States. I mentioned this to my Dad and he told me: "Well, don't worry about being AVERAGE!!!!!" AMEN!!!!!

I am so happy. Not just today, but with life in general. Work is crazy, home is crazier, and I'm still in alot of pain, but I'm happier than I've been in a long time. It's refreshing!

I was looking at our wedding picture and we look SO YOUNG!!!!! I was only 18 when we got married (a child bride), but I'm happy.

I must have done something right sometime in my existence to deserve such an AMAZING husband. Heaven knows that I've given him reasons to not like me very much, (he has also given me reasons to not like him either) but he's stuck with me. Even when I turned stupid for a couple of years. I really don't know what he sees in me.

These are some of my favorite things about Greg:

1. He's HOT!
2. He's funny!
3. He makes me smile!
4. He's an amazing father!
5. He's an amazing son!
6. He's a great provider!
7. He taught me how to keep score to a baseball game.
8. He listens to me (or pretends to) when I need to vent.
9. He always expects my best.
10. He sees the best in me and everyone around him.
11. He has amazing faith!
12. He tends to sees the big picture!
13. He takes me to the movies and dinner when he doesn't want to.
14. He talks sports and politics with me.
15. He's my best friend!
16. He loves me!!!

I really think I've got the most amazing husband on earth. When I look back at the last 16 years, I think we've had more happy times than sad, and there is really no one on earth I'd rather be with. We were talking to a friend at church who is a widower and just got engaged. We were congratulating him, and he said: "It's so nice to have a companion again. You two are so blessed." This reminded me how fortunate I am to have Greg to lean on when I need to. Sometimes I think I lean on him too much, but now I feel like he's helping me stand on my own. Does that make sense?

Some things he does DRIVE ME CRAZY!!! Like:

1. He's a Cowboys fan.
2. He's a Dodgers fan.
3. He likes David Locke.
4. He and I don't agree on politics, most of the time.
5. He puts spicy Velveeta Cheese on his Doritos. GROSS!!!!
6. He eats said Doritos and then ties to kiss me!! I HATE the smell of Doritos! He also does this with black licorice. NASTY!!

As much as anniversaries make us look back, this year I'm looking forward. I am looking forward to the years to come! I know that things can change, but I'm going to do my best to keep them from changing.

Being with Greg makes me happy!!!

I love you!

Thanks for the flowers!

Sweet Revenge!!!!

2008-12-14T12:51:00.003-07:00

Today, I got my revenge on Kolbie for being such a stinker at church last week (see: Kolbie what am I going to do with you post).

Before we came home from church today, Chris came over and announced that he was going to be set apart as the Secretary of the Deacon Quorum. Well, okay. Greg and I thought that they would ask a kids parents if it was okay if they were called to a calling, but whatever.

So, Kolbie comes up and says: "What's taking so long? Can we leave now? I'm hungry!!!"

Greg turns to her and says: "No, the Bishop wants to talk to you."

Kolbie: "About what?"

Me: "About your behavior last Sunday!"

Kolbies eyes got as big as dinner plates, she folded her arms and marched herself right out of the church. Greg and I thought that she was going to start walking home, but it was just too cold. She decided to stand outside and stare us down for a minute. So, the Bishop called us all into his office. The Bankheads were there, Brother Gustafson, Derrick Jensen, the Bishop and Brother White.

The Bishop walks right up to Kolbie and says: "I understand that you upset your mother last week."

Kolbie: "Um." At this point she glances over at Greg and I and sighs.

SIDEBAR: Greg and I are trying to control fits of glee.

Bishop: "You know you shouldn't act like that at church, right?"

Kolbie: "Well, yeah I guess."

Bishop: "Don't upset your Mom like that again. Okay?"

Kolbie: "Okay."

Fortunately for me, Kolbie didn't know that I told the Bishop the entire gruesome truth about why I got so mad and left last week. He actually though it was pretty funny.

We have all been home from church for about 30 minutes and Greg and I are soooooo happy!!! I hope Kolbie learned a lesson from this!!! I'm just glad that Greg was smart enough to tell Kolbie that the Bishop wanted to talk to her in the first place. CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY HUSBAND IS A GENIUS!!!!

Now I'm just DISGUSTED!!!!

2008-12-10T13:49:00.003-07:00

As you all know, I'm a huge baseball fan!!! I can't wait for opening day. But today, I've just had it with baseball!!!

The Yankees just signed C.C. Sabaitha (sp) to a 7 year 164 MILLION dollar deal. Excuse me but, WHAT THE HELL?

In the last few months Wall Street had to be bailed out by the government and now The Big 3 are begging for money, but the Yankees can afford 164 MILLION DOLLARS? For a pitcher that chokes in the post-season? Come on, really?!

I know that the Yankees and my beloved Mets have the most money to spend on "talent" but this is ridiculous!!

SIDEBAR: Greg, the Dodgers have one of the biggest markets in baseball, so I don't want to hear one word from you about my Mets! I bet the Dodgers spend big money this winter? For example: How much did they offer Manny?

It seems to me, that in an environment when people don't know if they're going to have a job in the next 7 months (let alone the next 7 years) that money could be better spent.

I get that sports are entertainment. I REALLY GET IT!! One of the reasons that I love baseball so much is that I can forget so many other things for a couple of hours. But 164 MILLION DOLLARS TO THROW A BALL? Also, how much money is Tom Cruise going to make on his new movie? Unfortunately, some of his paycheck will be my money, that movie looks really good!

The picture of entertainment is starting to make me gag!!! Brad and Angelina are living in (un)wedded bliss and NEVER look like they've been up all night with infants or sick kids. Jennifer Aniston is the perfect wife or girlfriend. Heidi Klum has never had plastic surgery (that woman has had like 3 babies, yeah right! She's just genetically superior! Some things genetics can't prevent. LIKE STRETCH MARKS!!) Nicole Kidman has always been the loving supportive (never angry or hurt) wife of an alcoholic. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have overcome anorexia. Roger Clemens really wasn't on "the juice". Stephanie Meyers has never had writers block!!! And A-Rod and Madonna are "just friends". GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

Another thing I understand is that many of these people do some very good things. There are tons of foundations and organizations to help the less fortunate, but this is turning into a joke.

But guess what? Sometimes we just need to escape!!! Sometimes we need to sit in a movie theatre, baseball stadium, basketball arena, turn on the TV, or read a good book. Sometimes life gets so crazy and nuts, that you just need to turn your brain off for a few minutes. At least I do. What I can't understand is how we worship and throw money at these people. I know that these people can do things that I could never do (watching a big league pitcher is amazing if you really think about it). I could never throw a ball, hit a ball, make a basket, sink a putt, write a book, and I feel like an idiot anytime a camera comes within 20 feet of me.

But what about the "average joe"? I know that things are tight at my house. We're cutting back on so much (we needed to do that anyway), and so are most of my friends. I have friends that have lost jobs and don't know how they're going to survive. I'm worried about my own job. Today, hearing about 164 million dollar deal, is just too much for me to handle!

All that being said, if I had to opportunity to play a game and get paid money like that I wouldn't say no. Would you?

Memories and Questions

2008-12-09T20:57:00.004-07:00

Some experiences in life can really take you back and make you think. I've had a couple of those today.

Today I had to opportunity to look back to a time in my life I'd rather forget, but I'm kind of glad that I don't. One thing I've learned over the years is that God forgives and forgets, but we aren't supposed to. Meaning that some lessons aren't meant to be forgotten. Sometimes we need to remember how miserable we were, so we can say: I chose to not do that again.

Forgiving myself is my greatest sin. I can seem to give most people a break but I can never seem to forgive myself. As my mothers says: I am my own worst critic. My best never seems good enough, and when I fall I fall further and harder than anyone else. I also can be a bit dramatic (can you tell?).

Another thing I've learned is that we are not only our worst decisions. I'm a an addict, but that's not all that I am. I will not be defined by my worst moments. I am more than just my bad decisions. My bad decisions will always be a part of who I am, but they are not all that I am. I am better than my worst moments.

I was reading in ESPN The Magazine about Josh Hamilton (one of my personal hero's). He's a drug addict that was banned from baseball, was reinstated and has made all kinds of history (see: Homerun Derby 2008).

"And then he was interviewed by ESPN's Erin Andrews, and as he spoke with her -- about God, being saved, about the heights that can be reached even from life's lowest watermarks..."

After reading this quote, I couldn't get it out of my mind. Can heights be reached from life's lowest watermarks? What does that mean? It means that we need to learn. I learn most of my lessons the hard way, but I'm trying to catch on as fast as I can.

Another thing I've learned is that the more we think we're different, the more we're all the same. I have a problem with addiction, what's your problem? We all have one. No one should sit in judgement of others because we all struggle.

Tonight I went to Relief Society Enrichment Night and we talked about the Parable of the 10 Virgins. The Bishop made a comment at the end that it's hard to believe that Christ would leave some of us behind, but that's what will happen if we're not prepared. At first this upset me, then depressed me, but now has gotten me thinking (I don't know if that's a good thing). I'd hate to think that I would be left behind, but what are my choices bringing me? Where exactly am I going? Am I headed in the right direction? Am I going to have enough oil in my lamp? It seems I have more questions than answers these days but I keep looking. I don't think that these questions are bad, they just take time to answer. I've been "in the church" my whole life, you would think I'd have some of this figured out by now, but like I said, I tend to learn things the hard way.

Kolbie!!! What am I going to do with you?

2008-12-07T09:54:00.004-07:00

Well, Sacrament Meeting is almost over, and here I sit at my computer blogging. I am so FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!

Last night we went and saw The Forgotten Carols, and it got me thinking. I'm not doing enough. I've written in the past that I've been having a hard time with "the church" but not with "the gospel". I don't really know if that's true anymore. How can I not be struggling with the gospel when I can't even stand to be at church for 3 hours a week? That just doesn't make sense to me anymore. I've also decided that I'm be very, very, very selfish. My family, really wants and needs me to be with them at church. Katie is the only one who has come out and said anything, but I can see the look in Greg's eyes when he asks me if I'm going to church and I tell him no. I ask myself all the time: Why is something so simple so difficult? And to be honest, I don't really know. No, that's not really true either. I am so self-conscience of my past. I feel judged because of my past, but mostly I feel embarrassed. I've made such an ass of myself. I also feel now, that I've been too judgemental of the people around me. I've been so quick to say that people don't know my pain, or where I'm coming from. Maybe they don't, but maybe they try. That should be enough for me. I really don't know where they're coming from either, so why should I judge?

I remember a time that I felt the spirit so strongly, frequently. I miss those days. Life sure was more simple then. I ask myself why I don't feel the spirit much anymore, and I have to be honest, I haven't been trying. I've become lazy, and selfish. The qualities that I'm so quick to point out in other people. This just feels so complicated.

Anyway, after last night, I decided to make a real effort to become better. The thing that really got me was when one character told another that sometimes the veil can be very, very thin. The first thing I thought was: I'm sure doing all I can to make the veil a brick wall. So I decided to become better, to make a better effort. So, I got up this morning in plenty of time to get myself ready for church. In fact, Greg didn't have to "remind" me once what time it was, and I tried not to complain about how I looked (an excuse I've used in the past is that I don't look very good, I'm not going to go), the kids were up and showered. I even went to church with a sore throat and feel achey. We were even early.

Sidebar: I think the bishop about had a heart attack when he saw me walk into the Chapel early. But that's neither here nor there.

So, you may ask: Why am I home from church early? Why, if I've turned over a new leaf am I sitting at home blogging instead of sitting at church trying to learn? Well, my youngest child is why. God knows I love this child, but she can defiantly be a trial. We were out late last night, and had to be up early for church today. That's a lethal mixture for my youngest. She decided to start fighting and causing a ruckus during Fast and Testimony meeting. So I took her out. Made her sit in the foyer with her arms folded and wouldn't let her say a word.

Sidebar: My Mother always taught me that it was best to make life more difficult for an unruly child while out in the foyer. It teaches them that it's better to be in Sacrament Meeting. Well Mom, that easier said than done!!!

Well, I'm sitting with Kolbie in the foyer trying to look stern and mean, and the next thing I know, Kolbie has gotten up and bolted. She opened the door and started running from the building yelling: "IT'S MY LIFE!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" I have to admit, this did make me laugh a bit, but I couldn't let her see that! I couldn't run after her, that would only be what she wanted and I was wearing my high heal black boots, I didn't want to break my ankle. That would really leave an impression with everyone at church. Well, Kolbie finally decides to stop running and sit down. I catch up to her and she starts running the other direction. I catch up to her again, and this time she knew she was in trouble with a capital T!!! So I grabbed her by the wrist and wouldn't let go. She started really freaking out at this point.

So what did I do? Unfortunately, I went in and got my things and the car keys from Greg and came home. Kolbie is now in her room and she won't watch TV, listen to the radio or ipod, or play on the computer today. And she's not going to go out to play for at least week!!! I love this child with all my heart and soul, but she really try my patience!!!!!!! I have to say of all my children, she has come with the most drama (beginning before she was even born--that's a long story that I won't bore you with now) but I KNOW that Kolbie was sent to our family to cement us together. She may bring drama, but she also brings hugs, kisses, smiles, and lots and lots of love.

One good thing about the gospel (and the church) is you can always try again tomorrow. That's what I'm going to do!!!

I've Lost My Freakin' Mind!!!

2008-12-03T19:13:00.004-07:00

This year Chris started Jr. High. I know, I know, I'm much too young to have a child in Jr. High, but sadly it's true. Anyway, when Chris started school this year we told him to be involved in as many things as he could. And he has. First, was cross-country track, and now wrestling.

I have to admit that when I gave Chris this advice I didn't really think to much about it, just be involved, but now I'm going to wrestling meets! If you've never been to one, your really missing out. First of all, you get to sit in a stinky Jr. High gymnasium. Next the "outfits" they make the wrestlers can be disturbing (to say the least -- my sister saw Chris in his and about had a fit). Watching these boys get "warmed up" is about the funniest thing I've ever scene. No where else in the world can you see boys doing back bends and jerking around like they're having some kind of fit. And finally, you get to watch two boys try to rip each other apart. I can't believe how many people have told me that wrestling isn't really fighting and that it doesn't hurt. Ahhh... It is to fighting (where else can I see a nice guy that I go to church with every Sunday on his hands and knees screaming: "Throw him to the floor!!!! Throw him to the floor!!!! Pull his arms back, use your weight and smash him into the ground!!!!" Yeah, right, it's not a fight. And don't tell me it doesn't hurt, I've scene all the bruises that Chris has. The highlight of my wrestling experience was when one boys squeezed another boy so much that he threw-up. FOUR TIMES!!!!!! Gross!!!!!!

I have to say that despite all of these negative (and disgusting) points I found myself enjoying myself at this weeks wrestling meet. I even found myself cheering for the boys that I knew (many I've known for years) even though most of the time I was just peeking through my fingers because I was trying to cover my eyes.

Chris lost his match in 3 rounds on points 5-2, but I'm so proud of him. He has been faithfully going to practice every morning, I usually see him stumbling into the bathroom before I leave for work, and I go to work REALLY, REALLY early. I'm more of a baseball girl (that's a surprise if you really know me :). I can explain the infield fly rule, but I don't know one thing about wrestling rules. I can admit my ignorance, I try not to, but I can admit it.

So, you may ask, what's the point of this blog? And the answer is: I think I've lost my mind!!! Normally, you can find me lounging in the warm sun, drinking a lemonade, listening to my ipod, keeping score of a baseball game. You can even find me yelling stupid things like: "Swing all the way through" (like there's really another way to swing) "See the ball and drive it" (What's the point of that?) Or "Keep your eye on the ball", (what exactly does that mean?) Anyway, the point is, I'm normally a nice mellow baseball fan, but today I found myself saying:

"Come on Chris be aggressive!!!"
"Use your weight to keep him down!!"
"Come on now, don't let him move!!"
"Your not hurt!!"

and:

"Come on, THROW HIM TO THE GROUND!!!!!

Like I've said: I've lost my freakin' mind!!!

I SURVIVED!!

2008-11-28T19:19:00.001-07:00

As you all know, I work retail. And the day after Thanksgiving is "Black Friday" (the busiest shopping day of the year), and I survived.

My shift was from 8-5 (which was perfect), and we were busy THE ENTIRE DAY!!! In fact, when I got there the line was all the way to the back of the store, and it stayed that way for most of the day. It did slow down from 1-2 (presumably because people were eating lunch), but then it picked right back up again and we had a line again.

One good thing about Black Friday is that (for the most part) people don't really fight with you about prices and such. They know what's on sale, and what's not. They also know that they have to wait in line longer if they make a big fuss about things. The other great part of Black Friday is that the day just flies by. Things seem to go really, really fast. Of course, we're so busy that you don't really have time to stop and think about anything, there's just too much to do.

One thing that I really didn't understand today was that we had some "Big Wigs" come into the store today. That wasn't so surprising, but what did shock me was that they came in at 10am and told us that the store was messy, and we needed to be better "recovered". Well, OF COURSE THE STORE IS A LITTLE MESSY!!!! IT'S 10AM ON THE BUSIEST SHOPPING DAY OF THE YEAR!!! DUH!!! I have to say, that considering how many people were in the store, and our sales, the store looked pretty good. I've seen the store a lot more torn up and a lot less busy. Oh well, we can always do better!! I was just shocked that they said that.

I have to work tomorrow at 6am, which isn't so bad (once you get used to getting up that early) and I have a huge list of things that I have to do. That's the great thing about working retail: there's ALWAYS a million things to do (but that's one of the worst things about retail too. You're NEVER finished!)

I've been a little nervous about things this year, with everything I've heard about the economy. But, I have a theory. We should all stop watching the news. All they ever tell you is bad news. Maybe if everyone stopped listening and thinking about all these scary things, things wouldn't seem so bad. I know this probably sounds weird coming from me (I am naturally a negative person) but, I'm really working on being more positive. I have noticed that things tend to go better when I'm really trying to be positive. This is one of the things I've learned from my boss Lisa. She is always positive. We could have 200 boxes in the back room and the store could be all torn apart, but she always says: "We'll get things done. We always do." Then she'll smile and go back to work. I'm trying to be more like her, and it makes a difference.

A Thankful Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T08:36:00.003-07:00

Today is Thanksgiving and I'm happy. Tired but happy. I worked yesterday to get ready for "Black Friday" and didn't get home until after 1 this morning. Remember my request this holiday season: Please be nice to retail workers, please don't make a huge mess of the stores that shop in (especially mine), and please, please, please don't let your kids run wild when you go shopping.

Anyway, our turkey has been in the oven for about half an hour and I find myself with some extra time on my hands (I guess I could/should be cleaning my house, but I want to relax for a few minutes), so I thought I do a Top 10 List!!!

Top 10 Things Jill Is Thankful For This Year:

10. I'm Thankful for my health. For those of you who know me this has been a tough year when it comes to my health. I've experienced kidney stones (many), infections, and several surgeries.

9. I'm Thankful for technology. This ties into being thankful for my health. Due to all my many kidney stones I experience a great deal of nerve pain from all of my procedures. Well, I have a pain control implant now. It's in my hip and connects directly for the nerves in my spinal cord. I have to force myself to not think about it too much, it kind of freaks me out. Long story short: when I'm in pain, I can turn on my implant and it helps so much with controling my pain.

8. I'm thankful for the country that I live in. I'm thankful for all the opportunities that are available to me and my family because we live in the United States. I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to vote. My Grandma Kate made me promise that I would always vote. She told me that as a woman, I personally have a responsibility to let my voice be heard.

7. I'm thankful for my family. My parents, brothers, sister, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins and the rest of my family. Trish, my boss is from Ireland and Cleber, my friend is from Brazil, their families all live "back home". My family can be a royal pain in the butt and there is always some kind of family drama going on and we're all insane. But they are here, and I can see them whenever I want to, or need to. I also know that they love me, and I love them.

6. I'm thankful for my home. It's not perfect, and it needs some love to make it what I really want, but I'm grateful that we have it. I'm grateful that I have some place to go to after work. I'm grateful that my family has a place to be together.

5. I'm thankful for my job. I know this won't make sense to many of you, but in a lot of ways my job saved me. Having to get up in the morning, and be accountable for something is a good thing for me. I love my job. I love that I can measure my progress, I'm thankful that I have a job that lets me creative (somehwhat).

4. I'm thankful for my friends. I've always said that I don't have many friends, but the few that I do have are very special. They all listen when I need to vent, and don't put up with much of my crap. I learn so much from them. This week, a friend told me something bad about their health. This made me sad. I love my friends so much I hurt when they hurt, but I'm happy when they're happy. I hope that I can help, love and support my friend through this trial.

3. I'm thankful for my AMAZING children. When I'm with them, I just think that I must have done something right sometime to blessed with such amazing spirits. They can be obnoxious, they fight, and their rooms are always a mess, but they are amazing. I love them all so much, I feel like I didn't really have a heart until my children were born, they teach me how to love. Chris is so smart, funny and isn't afraid to try new things. Kate is quiet strength (like her dad), she has a very strong sense of right and wrong and is turning into a beatiful young lady. Kolbie keeps me young (but makes me feel very old sometimes). She loves and accepts people unconditionally. She always has smile and hug for anyone. I love my children so much.

2. I'm thankful for Greg. I love Greg. Our 16th anniversary is next month, and I never thought it was possible that I could love him more than I did the day we got married, but I do. I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel better (more relaxed and happier) when we're together. Hearing his voice and being around him makes me feel like things are going to be okay, even when sometimes, they aren't. Greg has never given up on me and expects me to do my best. He always tells me: Do your best, that's always enough. He takes his responsiblity as a husband and father seriously. He always does his best to provide for us all (that's a huge responsibilty) and I don't mean just financially. He always tries to do better when he's wrong. I think that Greg is about the most wonderful person on the planet, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to share his life with him.

1. I'm thankful for God and the Gospel. I've written in the past that I'm having a hard time with The Church right now, but I've never ignored that fact that my Heavenly Father loves me and has blessed more than I deserve. I know that faith ebbs and flows, and right now I'm struggling, but I know that Heavenly Father loves and and is supporting me through this. I'm grateful for all the wonderful examples of great faith that are all around me.

There are so many other things that I'm thankful for, but I thought I'd just do my Top 10. Katie just told me that I have to put Harley as something I'm thankful for. So: I'm thankful for my dog. He may not be in the top 10, but he's definatley in the top 20.

I hope and pray that everyone can have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I hope that this season is everything that you've ever hoped for. Hug your kids, kiss your husband (or wife), and tell your friends and family how much you love them. Have a great day! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!

Wonderful Weekend

2008-11-23T15:38:00.002-07:00

I have been working, and working, and working. My schedule varies week to week, which I like (there are definate advantages) but I haven't had a true weekend in a long time.

Weekends at work can be very difficult. Saturday's are crazy busy, and Sunday's the store is full of what Cleber calls: "Godless people" (someone is ALWAYS difficult on Sundays). I really enjoy my work, but like I said, weekends are difficult.

Trish (bless her soul) gave me this weekend off. And it's been lovely. I got to sleep in yesterday till 9am (I'm usually up by 4:30am). Then I just hung around the house until Katie and I went to see Twilight yesterday afternoon. I really enjoyed the movie. It stayed much truer to the book than I expected, and I liked the casting. Nobody really looked like I pictured them in my head, but I thought they did a good job.

Then Katie and I rushed home and I watched THE BEST FOOTBALL GAME EVER!!!!!! I loved that game!!! It was perfect!!! Greg and Chris and I had a great time watching the game together.

This weekend has been so nice, I've even been able to see and talk to Greg. It feels like we never see each other now that I'm working again. I think Trish knew that I'd need a weekend to relax before Christmas. It was wonderful!!!! It's been a wonderful weekend.

My Best

2008-11-10T15:09:00.002-07:00

With the Holiday Season upon us, I had to blog about my job.

I work retail. I'm the Logistics Supervisor (I'm a glorified dock worker, but I like it) for a major retail outlet. Every week I have to work Customer Service shifts as well.

SIDEBAR: Please be nice to all those who work retail this year! AND DON'T MAKE A HUGE MESS!!!!! Remember that somebody has to clean up after you. Also, DON'T LET YOUR KIDS RUN WILD WHILE YOU SHOP!!! I AM NOT A BABYSITTER!!!

Anyway, as I may have mentioned before, I have a boss that expects NOTHING but every ones best. That's not really a problem for me, I expect that of people on my shipment team. The only problem is that to my boss, every ones best is 150%, all the time. Everything has to be done, and done right, the way she sees things, and the way she wants things. That's not such a big deal, but it can be very stressful. Working retail and preparing for Black Friday is a daunting task. I have about a million things to do. Fluff Christmas trees, finish visual displays, decorate end caps, put up marketing, the list goes on and on and on!!!!!!!! I could work a 80 hour this week and not get everything done.

Yesterday was amazingly stressful. The store was a mess, and we had to get things put back together. I came home from work and yelled at my husband and kids (and they didn't deserve it) and cried. But I've decided something: I need to relax. (I know that comes as a shock to everyone who knows me.) I just need to work my hardest, and if things don't get done, oh well. My boss won't see it that way. But if I can look her in the eye and tell her I did my absolute best what else can I do?

Sidebar: My current boss, is the best boss I've ever had. Maybe having her expect so much isn't a bad thing, it's just incredibly stressful.

GO VOTE!!!!

2008-11-03T16:33:00.000-07:00

This past Friday Chris and I both had the day off, so I made him go with me to run some errands (I couldn't let him sit on his butt and watch TV all day). Well, I decided to vote early. We stood in line and waited for over an hour, but I'm so glad that I took him with me, despite the fact that he can be REALLY ANNOYING when he stands in long lines. Must be the age. I just turned on my IPOD and tried to ignore him and not be embarrassed.

We talk politics all the time at our house. We talk about issues that are important to us, from presidential politics to trying to get a stop sign put on our corner. One thing is certain: Greg and I disagree more than we agree. But I think it's important that our kids hear us discuss things, especially when we don't agree. It shows them that you can disagree and still love and respect each other. I have to admit though, the words "idiot" and "fool" have been said from time to time.

Anyway, I took Chris with me to vote (he's 13). I would STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you to take your children with you to vote when they reach an appropriate age. I really didn't want to take Chris with me to vote, but I'm so glad that I did. Because he started asking me questions. Important, thoughtful, intelligent questions. Questions that he would NEVER have asked if he hadn't seen the process in action. I guess it made it seem more real to him.

Since we've talked about voting, it's plain to see that he does tend to be more "Conservative" than I am. But, he felt like it was okay to tell me how he felt and what he thought. I will NEVER tell my children who or what to vote for, I will however strongly encourage that they vote.

I am really looking forward to the election. I have significant worries about our country; economy, education, health care, retirement, the housing market, crime, the war. I will say that I don't agree 100% with either candidate, but my views are closer to one than the other.

I can get so upset with people when it comes to politics (even though I try not to). Today I read a blog written by a friend of Greg's. She said that she has been told by some people that she basically needs to rethink her vote. I don't even know this woman, but this MADE ME MAD!!!! I've been told this before myself, I'm too "liberal" (for the record, I don't think I would have been told this if I were a man). One thing I know for sure is that MY VOTE IS MY BUSINESS, I can tell you what I think, but DON'T EVER TELL ME that I need to rethink things. You can however tell me that you don't agree and why.

Well, that's my soap box for today. GO VOTE!!!!

Favorite Time Of The Year!

2008-10-23T15:39:00.000-06:00

This is one of my favorite times of year. Late October. Because of the "Fall Classic" -- The World Series! The only thing that has disappointed me with the Series this far, is how little the people around me know about it.

For instance:

Today I asked our truck driver Steve if he caught the game last night. His response: "There was a football game last night? Who played? There usually aren't games one Wednesday nights!!"

While talking to my friends at work, I mentioned that I watched the game last night and enjoyed every minute of it, up until the Rays lost. Carrie and Brooke stared at me blankly and asked: "Who's playing?" I told them the Phillies and the Rays. Brooke then asks: "What's a Ray? Isn't that a big fish?" I had to walk away because it was at that moment that I knew -- I was the strange one.

Am I really that different for loving sports as much as I do, particularly baseball? Is it really that weird that I read books about baseball and watch games any chance I can get. I have "my" Mets website on my favorites and check it everyday -- even during the off season. And I ask my husband to take me to a pro-game for my birthday. I don't make fun of my friends that Scrapbook or do any of those other "crafty" things (even though I have been known to do crafts in my deep dark past).

I'm sad that the season is almost over "officially". But I'm anxiously awaiting April 6th -- the Mets season opener and April 13th -- the Mets Home Opener. I'm not as bad a Greg at least I don't have my cell phone counting down the days and minutes to the first pitch for my favorite team, but who know maybe I will go that far during the dark, dreary winter.

Note To Greg: I'm already looking forward to my Mets kicking the Dodgers butts in May!:) I love you!

Why Argue?

2008-10-21T16:32:00.000-06:00

Today at work I made a comment to my friend Brooke that I wanted to buy my kids each a "VOTE NOW!" t-shirt (they are only $5 each--don't worry Greg I didn't buy them!) She gave me a funny look and asked: "Are you going to vote?" I replied immediately with: "OF COURSE I'M GOING TO VOTE, BROOKE! I always do!" She smiled at me and asked: "Who are you going to vote for?" I could tell that the minute she asked me this question she regretted it. But I honestly replied and told her that: "I'm going to vote for Obama." She looked relieved and smiled and said: "Good! Me too!" Then we started talking about politics a bit.

Anyway, the point of my little story is this: Why do we get so worked up about politics? I know that the reason why Brooke looked so uneasy when she asked me who I was going to vote for is because she didn't want to start a political debate. There are people that I don't mind talking politics with, like my friend Chuck. He and I rarely agree on anything political, but it's fun telling him that he's wrong. I HATE to talk politics with Greg, however. Greg and I don't see eye to eye politically and sometimes it makes me angry! I don't know why I can't just let things go when I talk to Greg about stuff like this. Now, I just don't bring it up. And if he asks me something political I just shrug my shoulders and try to ignore him. I've finally decided that when we talk politics we argue, we don't debate. And no matter what he says he's not going to change my mind about anything, and I'm not going to change his mind, so why argue?

I was wondering if you could help me with a little "project" that I'm working on. I've been reading a book called: "Beyond Belief" by Josh Hamilton a baseball player that play outfield for the Texas Rangers. I'm trying to talk Greg into taking me to see the Rangers play for my birthday coming up this spring. So if you could, would you all please tell Greg what a LUCKY guy he is for having a wife that asks to go to a baseball game for her birthday and that he should just fork out the money and take me to Texas this spring? I know I've stooped pretty low to ask for you to put pressure on Greg like this, but I REALLY WANT TO GO!!!! And I could use all the help I can get. I'll post more about the book later. Thanks!

Grateful

2008-10-16T18:38:00.000-06:00

I was talking to my friend Erin the other day and she had run into a mutual friend of our. Erin told me that our friend had just left her husband because he started beating her. This started a conversation about husbands and boyfriends. Erin made the comment that she was really glad that she hadn't had to deal with that kind of drama. This conversation got me thinking about my husband.

I'm so grateful that I married Greg, he's amazing! I don't think he's wired to hurt me that way. Sure we argue and we've been in some BIG fights over the years (we've been together for 16 years -- WOW THAT'S A LONG TIME) but I just don't think that Greg could ever hit me or our kids.

Working where I do, I have a lot of friends that are younger than I am and aren't married. I am so glad that I'm not on the dating scene. Anyway, I'm surprised by how many women that I know that have to deal with their boyfriends being violent. It's a lot more common than I thought. I can't imagine having to add that to my list of worries.

Upsetting Public Service Announcement

2008-10-15T13:08:00.000-06:00

Today is my day off work. I stayed up last night to watch Letterman with Greg, and slept late this morning. It was great! I got up and took a quick shower, turned on the TV while I was getting cleaned up and saw a Public Service Announcement that really upset me.

It starts with a mother and daughter just leaving the mall after a day of shopping and the daughter comments on how she loves the dress they just bought. At this point I should explain that the daughter is a young looking teenager I'd say maybe 14years old. The daughter then asks her mother if she can wear her new dress to a party a friend of hers is having this weekend, I think the friends name was David. The mother asks the daughter is there will be adults there? The daughter says no. The mother then asks if there will be alcohol there. The daughter says she doesn't know for sure but probably. The mom then tells her daughter that she can't go to the party. The daughter then gets upset and asks her mom what the big deal is "...it's not like I've never had a beer before mom." The mom then falls down a flight of stairs in shock. The thing that really upset me about this commercial was that at the very end you hear a voice that tells you to: "Set firm drinking limits for kids that are 10 or younger." The end.

Excuse me but, WHAT THE HELL!!!??? Set firm drinking limits if your kids are 10 or younger? Am I the only person on earth that has a problem with that? 10 years old? How about setting firm drinking limits period, regardless of age?

Drinking and substance is something that we talk about a lot with our kids because it's something that our family has had to deal with. I am ashamed to say that I have had problems with substance abuse. It's not something that I'm proud of and it's very embarrassing. It's also something that I would do just about anything to keep my children from having to deal with. Seeing this PSA really shocked me, aren't setting drinking limits for a 10 year old kind of a given? I still control how much caffeine my kids consume when they're 10, but maybe I'm just a little over protective and am a bit in the dark about reality.

When Chris started Jr. High this year drinking and drug abuse was (and still is) something that I really worry about. Teenage years are so hard and there are so many changes sometimes you just want to forget about things for a while, and substance abuse can help with that for a little while. Unfortunately, things just get worse when you start to remember again.

We have some very close friends who have struggled with a son that has huge issues with drinking and drug abuse. In fact, this kid has spent time in jail because of his addictions. This kid is an amazing good kid. He's handsome, smart, funny, very social he's just made some really bad choices. His family is amazing: they're active members of the church, they go to the temple, have family prayer and scripture study, family home evenings, they spend time together and with their friends. They're amazing people, the kind of people that makes you feel better about yourself when your with them, and they have this huge struggle with one of their children. When I talk to my friend about her son, she says that you just can't talk to your kids enough about how real temptation is. She tells me all the time: talk to your kids about temptation, get them as prepared as you can, and be sure they know that you love them.

I was told by another friend that you can't just tell your kids to stay away from temptation anymore like I was when I was younger. You can't just tell your kids to stay away from drugs, alcohol, pornography, and all the other things that we're all faced with everyday. He said that those days are gone! He told me that we have to teach our children what to do when they are faced with these temptations because they will be tempted.

My feelings about the church have cooled somewhat over the last couple of years. I can't put my finger on exactly what my problem is. Do I believe in the gospel? Absolutely. But I'm tired. I know that sounds lame, but I just don't have that pull to the "church" that I used to have. I wish I did. I started reading the Book of Mormon every night with Kolbie for her nightly reading, and I chose this book for completely selfish reasons. I want that pull back, and I hope that by reading from the scriptures every night with Kolbie that would help light that fire again. The guilt that I have about this situation is huge, but I just can't seem to get things going. The thing is, is that I want that feeling back, but I just can't seem to find it.

Anyway, back to that commercial. I'm not stupid enough to think that my children will always make the right choices. I just pray that they will make more right choices than wrong ones. I pray that I can figure out where I fit in the church and that I can feel that "pull" back to the church. I also think it's time that we had a talk about drugs and drinking. The kids need to know not only that it's bad for their bodies and spirits, but they need to know exactly what Greg and I expect of them. I think it's a good thing that I saw that commercial today.

Re-Inventing The Wheel

2008-10-13T17:00:00.000-06:00

So today at work we had a shipment that was just under 5,000 units. Nothing was new and we had plenty of people to finish the shipment, but we didn't get finished. When I left there were 3 carts of shipment left to do (we use big shopping-type carts to get shipment from the backroom to the sales floor). It's depressing.

Trish came into the store for about 45 minutes today and will be out of town until Thursday, which take some of the pressure off. But Lisa, my direct supervisor, wasn't happy that we didn't get finished. On my way out, she asked me why things didn't get done. I really didn't have an answer for her. We got through most of the shipment, but then things seemed to come to a screeching halt when everyone was in the boys department. We have a really good team, but they do tend to be a bit chatty. I hate having to be the one to tell everyone to just shut-up and get back to work. I try to be nicer about saying it of course.

On the drive home, I was trying to come up with some grand idea of how to make shipments go easier and the only thing I came up with was to not re-invent the wheel. The company has set up shipments a certain way, and I feel that if we just do things the way the company has them set up, things will just fall into place. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to be the bad guy when it comes to talking and being sure that everything gets done on time. So what if nobody likes me, it's my butt that will get chewed-out if things don't get done.

I'm feeling a lot of pressure to get things done now, when things aren't so busy. We have to get things done now and be super-efficient before all the huge pre-Christmas shipments start showing up. If I don't get things under control now, it's going to be a very, very long Holiday Season.

Pathetic

2008-10-10T09:30:00.000-06:00

For about as long as I can remember, Greg has always done a league of weekly football picks. And I almost always participate. But, I'm considering not participating anymore and here's why:

Last year Hayley (Greg's secretary's daughter) won. This year Tina and Hayley are currently number 2 and 3. The only problem? THEY CHEAT!!!!!! They go online and copy some "expert" picks. This drives me nuts! There are people who actually try to do well, and Tina and Hayley just copy.

Tina and Hayley will say: What's the big deal? It's only football picks, it's not like they matter. But they are ruining the fun for everyone else! And they're starting to tick me off!! I've participated for years, and Greg HAS NEVER told me which team to pick.

I know that I sound whiny, but KNOCK IT OFF TINA AND HAYLEY!!! If you can't handle just doing the picks on your own, then just don't participate!!! The idea of cheating is so un-original it makes me sick! This is supposed to be fun! And cheating only makes you look ridiculous! I know there are other people that participate that don't really care, like Louie. But at least he doesn't cheat, he does look pretty silly as he's flipping a coin to pick winners, but he doesn't cheat. On top of everything else, I was just informed that the over-all year end winner is given a prize.

There are about 75 people in this league and I know I'm not the only one that is irritated with the situation. I need to be clear about something: I don't lose sleep about this situation, it just makes me mad. I'm currently in 24th place (which is an all-time high for me), so it's not like Tina and Hayley are narrowly beating me out of first place. I just can't stand people that cheat, I think it's slimy. I don't understand why people think they are so special that the rules don't apply to them. Cheating at something like football picks is so unimaginative and pointless, in fact I think it's really pathetic.

NOTE TO TINA AND HAYLEY: The weekly football picks are supposed to be fun, but you guys aren't making it very fun because you chose to cheat. KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!

IT'S A ......BOY!!!

2008-10-07T16:08:00.000-06:00

It's official, I'm the proud parent of a TEENAGER! I know I risk sounding old when I say this but: WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE??!!! I can't believe that he's 13 today! Happy Birthday, Buddy!!

I can't believe that Chris was born 13 years ago. I keep thinking of all the changes he's made, and all the milestones he's passed.

Being a parent is something that I don't think anyone is ever really ready for, at least I wasn't. But being a parent is the most important thing about me. I love being a Mom, I don't think I really had a heart until Chris was born. He opened my eyes to so many things around me, and has taught me so much about myself.

I remember when I was pregnant with Chris, and Greg and I were having dinner with some good friends that were expecting their first baby just a few months before we were. The subject about being a working Mom came up, and I remember tell them that I didn't want to be a stay-at-home Mom. I remember my friends husband just staring at me and saying: "I bet things will change when you have that baby." Well, he right! Everything changed when I had Chris.

I'm not a perfect mom, and I don't have perfect kids, but to me my children are the most amazing creations! I love watching them learn and grow and they make me laugh! One thing about my kids is that they don't put up with all my crap, they keep me real. I love spending time with them. In fact, the one thing I HATE about being back at work is I miss my kids.

Anyway, 13 years ago today I became a mom to the most wonderful boy in the world. Since he was born, my life has changed so much and I'm so glad. I got the son I always wanted, I've been so blessed.

Saturday At The Mall

2008-10-04T15:15:00.000-06:00

Well, today my friend Erin and I went to the mall and I had to endure one of life's biggest indignities. Bra shopping. I don't know about you but shopping for a bra is almost as bad as shopping for a swimsuit or getting a root canal.

I remember the first time I had a bra fitting. I was shopping for a wedding dress as ZCMI (now Macy's). I was wearing a beautiful dress standing on a pedestal looking at myself in the mirrors feeling absolutely beautiful. My Mom was even a little teary, when a lady walked by my mom stopped her and asked: "Isn't she just beautiful?" The response: "She looks nice, I guess. But she'd look so much better if she was wearing a decent bra." I was shocked and a little hurt. Who did this woman think she was? Of course your supposed to say that any woman in a wedding dress looks beautiful. Didn't she know that?

Well, the lady then said: "Go back to your dressing room, I'll be right in and we'll get you fitted with the right kind of bra for your body type."

Well, that sounded innocent enough, so off I went back to my fitting room. The lady came back and measured me and disappeared. She came back a few minutes later with her arms full of bras that "would fit me correctly". The next thing I know she's telling me to take off my old bra. I was 18, my mother and my little sister were there with me in the fitting room and some strange woman (who wasn't even smart enough to say that I looked pretty in a $600 dollar wedding dress) and I'm supposed to take my bra off? Excuse me, but ARE YOU KIDDING? I remember just standing there thinking that I must have heard wrong, until my mother said: "Come on Jill, I don't have all day. Do what the lady says." I have to tell you that at that point of my life I was very, very shy about my body (still am, by the way). I didn't know who this woman was, but I'm supposed to take my bra off for her? After a few minutes and her telling me, "Think of my like I'm your doctor" (that didn't help at tell), I finally took off my bra, and the fitting began. I remember her telling me how to "put my bra on correctly" (apparently there's a right and wrong way and of course I had been doing it wrong).

I was mortified. Looking back, this was a very traumatizing experience for me. My mom still thinks it was about the funniest thing she ever saw. This was a terrible experience. After that experience, I promised myself that I would never have another bra fitting again. Unfortunately, being bigger chested and hearing on Oprah that 8 out of 10 women are wearing the wrong type of bra I decided that I need to have another fitting.

Like most things what I pictured in my head was a lot worse than the reality of what really happened. Why do we do that, imagine things to be so much worse than they really are?

Well, my mission was successful. I bought 2 bras that I think will work very well. When I got home and told Greg that I'd spent $130.00 on bras he about had a heart attack. I told him that it's an investment, he didn't believe me.

Having a big chest is something that I've hated about my body for as long as I can remember. I HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! My family and even some of my friends tease me and I'm so self-conscience about it. I guess everyone has something about their bodies that they don't like, and that's at the top of my list. I would even have a reduction if I could.

Well, all in all, I had a very successful morning at the mall. On top of everything else I got to spend most of my day with one of my closest friends. It was really nice, I haven't gotten to go shopping like that for a long time. Erin and I spent the day wandering around and talking. We talked about Greg, Jake (her boyfriend), work, family and stuff. It was great. I don't feel like I've got very many really close girl friends, and I never do things like this with the short list of friends that I do have. Everyone is just so busy. Being able to spend time with Erin like I did today makes me happy and relaxed.

The Post-Season Starts On A Down Note

2008-10-01T18:40:00.000-06:00

Okay, those of you who know me know that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE baseball. But this post season has started on a particularly bad note.

I am a Mets fan, my husband is not.

My husband is a Dodgers fan, I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who don't know the Mets blew a 3 game lead, and missed making the post season in the wild card spot by one stinking game!!!! The Dodgers won their division. I HATE THE DODGERS!!!!

So today on my lunch break I went and got a hamburger and sat in my car and listened to the Phillies-Brewers game. And to all my girlfriends who think I'm crazy, I don't tease you because you scrapbook! Anyway, I sat there eating my burger (that really hit the spot, by the way) listening to this ballgame, and got really upset. Not crying upset, just upset. All I could think about was how my team blew it AGAIN (we blew a 13 game lead last year). I honestly couldn't force myself to be happy for either team, my Mets should have been playing that game!! Instead, they just have to clean out their lockers. Greg loves it that my team didn't make the post-season.

Well, today the Cubs and the %$@(%&! Dodgers started their series. I got in my car after work and of course was listening to the game, just as some idiot on the Dodgers decides to hit a Grand-Slam!!! Greg will be insufferable tonight! I can just hear his glee and happiness. I think I'm going to be sick.

I can deal with my team not making the post-season. I really can, you can't make it every year -- it impossible. But the thing that I really can't handle is that not only did my team not make the post-season, but Greg's team did. This is bad, very, very bad.

GO CUBS!!!!!

Hug Your Kids

2008-09-25T09:23:00.000-06:00

Today, I've been online looking at the obituary page of the Salt Lake Tribune. I'm sure many of you heard about the double murder in Salt Lake this past Monday. Well, I'm sad to say that I know the family of one of the murder victims.

I don't know that family well, but my heart is breaking for them. I knew them from the ward I grew up in. Nice family. Michael was adopted, and I remember when they got him. I thought he was the cutest baby I'd ever seen.

Thinking about this tragedy makes me very grateful that my kids were safe in their beds last night. The only thing that I can think of that would be worse than having your child murdered is having them taken and not knowing if they're okay. I keep thinking of Michael's parents and how difficult this must be for them. I can't imagine getting that phone call.

So today do me a favor, hug your kids twice as long, and tell them how much you love them. Also, in your prayers tonight please ask that this family will be okay, they need all the love and support they can get right now. Also, thank God for your children.

Time To Lead

2008-09-22T18:30:00.000-06:00

Today at work, my boss Trish sat down and talked to me about what I need to do with the Logistics team. She talked to me about what I need to do to show the team that I'm in charge, and I'm the one they will have to answer to. The entire conversation made me feel uncomfortable. I worked at the Jordan Landing store before I got promoted, now I'm back and there are members of the team that were my friends (and some that weren't) I haven't talked to these people in almost a year, but I'm very nervous about being "in charge". There is one woman that I did not get along with before my promotion, and I'm a little nervous that she's going to give me a lot of grief.

As I think back to my conversation with Trish, I think she felt that she needed to give me permission to be in charge. Her exact words were: "You need to be large and in charge." She said that being a leader is part skill, part knowledge, and putting on the "jacket" and just being a leader. I'd never heard of being a leader put like that. I guess it's just time I quit worrying about people liking me and just went to work. I know that I can do this job, I just need to stop thinking so much and get to work.

Side note: Trish did ask me how my pain was. I told her that it's still there, but I'm doing okay. She told me that she supported me, but she has high expectations for what I can do. I told her that I didn't want to be defined by my health issues. She said she understood, but didn't want me to over do it either. I really like Trish, she's the best boss I've ever had. She's really smart, funny, and has great style. She also makes me laugh. I wish I was more like her.

I Am So Tired!!!!!

2008-09-19T18:58:00.001-06:00

I know that I sound like a baby, but I am so tired! I've gone back to work this week -- I only worked 20 hours -- but I'm totally exhausted. I've forgotten how much work it takes to make one of those stores run.

Yesterday, I worked with the shipment team for the first time and I had a good time. There are some new faces, but some old friends too. My main job is going to be supervizing the shipment team with my friend Cleber. He's an intresting guy, and keeps me laughing most of the time. Anyway, it's going to be my job to make sure that we get everything done on time, and that the store looks like it's supposed to look. I know that sounds pretty simple, but corporate has very high expectations of what each store should look like.

I've said before that my job isn't very glamours or meaningful, but I have fun when I'm there. Old Navy has also given me a chance to set goals and achieve things I never thought I'd be able to do. I never thought that I would "be" much of anything away from my family, I didn't really think I had what it takes to achieve much in the workforce so I never really set my sights very high. I know that this must sound really stupid to most people, but I really enjoy what I do.

I am having a hard time right now. The first few weeks in a new store is always hard. Every store is a little different, you have to learn how things work and get to know new people. My General Manager, Trish is someone I respect a lot and I want to show her that I can be successful. I think right now my biggest problem is confidence and feeling overwhelmed. I know that I can do this job, but I just haven't gotten into the groove yet.

Believe it or not I think my family is happier (most of the time) when I'm working. I know that it takes a ton of pressure off of Greg financially. And the kids seem to really like me working. I think they like to have me home too, but I just tend to be a happier person if I can get out of my house for a little while. And the kids love the clothes. Kate and Kolbie even ask to go and see "my store" and meet my "work friends". Part of me feels bad that I'm not the "happy homemaker" that so many of us women strive to be, but Im happier when I work and so is my family. Things aren't perfect, working does make life more complicated. Trying to get everyone where they need to be when they need to be there is a challenge. Greg is so great about helping with as much as he can. When Greg finally realized how much I enjoy my job, I haven't felt like he thinks his job is more important than mine. He's even had to call in once or twice when we had sick kids. Greg's support means so much to me.

I have to weekend off but I'm planning of going and helping my parents get ready to move so it will be a tiring weekend, but I plan to relax on Sunday. Monday is going to be difficult there is so much to do. We're re-training the entire shipment team (to prepare for the holiday season), we have a decent sized shipment, we have to move half of the store around, and finish about a million other things. I'm only working 4 days next week, so hopefully I won't be too tired.

I've Been Tagged (AGAIN)

2008-09-18T14:24:00.000-06:00

8 Things I'm Passionate About:

1. The Gospel
2. Greg
3. Chris
4. Kate
5. Kolbie
6. Spending time with my family!
7. Cross-Stitch
8. Work

8 Phrases or Words I Always Use:

1. Stop fighting!
2. Turn off the lights!
3. I love you!
4. Apologize like you mean it.
5. I need a hug!
6. We're going to be late!
7. No, I'm not buying fast food for dinner!
8. Time for bed!

8 Things I want to do before I die:

1. Be with Greg and all my kids in the Temple.
2. Run a marathon.
3. Write a book.
4. Be a size 8.
5. See the World Series in person.
6. Decorate my home.
7. Be debt free.
8. To be healthy.

8 Things I've learned in the past

1. How to be a good friend.
2. That I can achieve my goals if I work hard.
3. That I'm funny.
4. I can trust people.
5. How to keep score of a baseball game.
6. How to play fantasy baseball and football.
7. To be a sports fan.
8. I'm stronger than I thought I was.

8 Things I want or need:

1. New clothes.
2. Furniture.
3. A cleaning lady to come and clean my house every week.
4. A remodeled kitchen.
5. Gas prices to go back down.
6. New clothes for my kids.
7. Groceries.
8. A vacation!

8 Places I want to see:

1. Mount Rushmore
2. New York City
3. The Baseball Hall Of Fame
4. Disneyland
5. Alaska
6. Brazil (where Greg served his mission)
7. Hawaii
8. All of Europe

Livin The Dream

2008-09-16T14:18:00.000-06:00

16 years ago this month Greg and I got engaged. It's official: I'M OLD! But being old does have it's advantages. Like being able to look back at you life a little. Honestly, this is something I find myself doing a lot since my kids have decided to grow at warp speed.

So anyway, I've been looking back. I started thinking about the things that I wanted when Greg and I were dating.

First, I wanted a husband that loves me. I got even better than that! I have a husband that loves AND adores me. He tries to act all macho about things, but Greg has picked me up off the floor when things have been down, and let me shine when things are up. I am truly blessed to have him. I love him so much.

Second, I wanted children. I wanted smart, happy, loving children. I lucked out there too: because I got smart, happy, loving, beautiful, caring children. My only real complaint is that I wish they would stop growing so fast.

Third, I wanted a home. Well, we have a home. It's not my dream home, but it's ours. The kitchen is too small and it's a little torn up right now, but it's home.

Forth, I wanted a career. Basically I wanted something that I'm good at that will work with my family, and again I've been blessed more than I deserve.

I was talking to a friend today and it really hit me. I'm living my dream. Is it perfect? No. Most days it's not even pretty!!! The checking account is always too low, and the bills are always too high, but I've been blessed. The blue Mercedes that I wanted to drive when I 18 suddenly isn't as important anymore. It's funny how life can feel so complicated and then so simple. I've been blessed. I have a happy life. Sometimes life does throw me that curve ball, or even a change-up but I do what we tell Chris to do when he's playing ball: SEE IT, AND ADJUST!

Hi-HoHi-Ho--Off To Work I Go

2008-09-15T09:53:00.001-06:00

Well, today is the big day. And I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm so nervous I'm shaking! I feel like I'm going to the most important job interview of my life! I've started reading Dr. Stephen Covey, and listening to his seminars on tape. In short: I'm going insane! I just called my sister and we had the "what if this" and "what if that" conversation. She said "What if you go into your meetings and things are just fine." I wish that I could say that my day if going to be filled with customers, replenishment, working on markdowns, folding t-shirts and jeans, but unfortunatley I'm going to spend the day in meetings. What fun. I'm still really jittery and I don't know if it's because I'm still have a bad reaction to my meds, or I might just be nervous.

Who knows?

I'm Scared

2008-09-14T06:18:00.000-06:00

****Warning -- this post is more personal than usual.****

It's twenty after six in the morning and the meds I take to help me sleep have worn off, and I probably couldn't go back to sleep if someone paid me. My eyes just popped open. My legs are aching and feeling like they are going to fly away because of medication that I reacted badly too. And I start going back to work tomorrow.

Going back to work is something that I've been excited about and dreading for the last few weeks. I wrote before about my insecurities with the promotion I got earlier. Upon gathering more information, my entire job has changed. Now I don't work on the shipment anymore (so there goes one of my ideas of working my way back in because I'm really fast). My title was Logistics Supervisor, now it's Operations Manager. It will sound better on a Resume`, I just hope I don't have to use one. The worst part of this situation is there is one person who used to work at Old Navy, I worked with her for about a week before she quit, who is back and not saying very nice things about me. So my new General Manager is hearing all this stuff about me, and I don't even think he remembers my last name. This all makes me very nervous.

I also had so many plans to get things done around the house before I went back. I was going to have the laundry all finish, socks folded, ironing and everything done. Not done. I was going to have the rest of the house clean and ready to go, the bathroom did get clean, but last nights dinner is still in the kitchen. I know, it's gross. I think I've been trying to not think about work by not doing the things I know that I should to make life easier when I go back. I need therapy, lots and lots of therapy.

I think for you to understand why I feel so deeply about my job I should tell you about my life when I got hired. I got the phone call to offer me the job of Logoistics Associate while camping with my family down in San Pete County, so we could go to the Manti Pagent. It was a trip to celebrate the end of baseball, and the end of a relapse for me. I have a drug problem, and this job helped me find something that I was good at when I didn't think there was anything left for me. I loved this job from the moment I started, and it's helped me with so much. Literally, when I need to clear my head to think, I could go to work and feel better. When I was at a point in my life where I thought no one would ever want to be my friend, I found friends. For those of you who worry, no I haven't relapsed but the last few weeks have been really hard. I've been trying to get off my pills, and I'm sure that's one of the reasons I feel as crappy as I do. I just don't feel like myself.

I guess my biggest fear, is what if all those things have changed? What if work isn't a haven for me but a war? What if I don't feel like I'm being successful? Greg just tells me walk into work like you've never been gone, stop thinking so much and just do what you know how to do. That sounds like a simple enough plan right? Maybe work turned into something it shouldn't for me, and I should just let it be work, but I love that place. I just hope that it still loves me back. I want to be an asset to my store, and co-workers, that's the goal. I just don't know if I can get past my fear.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my old General Manager, my new General Manager, the Distric Manager and little old me. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire!

Cheering Section

2008-09-09T17:58:00.000-06:00

Today, Chris ran in a Cross-Country track meet. I am so proud of him, I could just explode.

My Dad and I got there just as things Chris' heat was starting. I'd never been to a track meet before, so it took me a minute to figure things out. I found Chris right away and watched him run. I took off and ran to different parts of the course so Chris could see that I was there and he could hear me cheer for him.

Chris isn't a runner by nature, but he did such a great job! He took 68th out of
74. He didn't give up and that, to me is so much more important than taking first place.

The one thing that I did notic was that when Chris saw me, my father and sister-in-law, Greg and my dad he did perk up and did better. I guess the main thing I learned from this experience was:

1. Don't give up.

and

2. Every kid needs a cheering section.

My favorite thing in the world to do is to watch my kids do something that they love and work hard for. And trust me, Chris worked hard for this track meet. I don't think I've ever been so proud of him. I've watched Chris compete in many different sports, but this one was different. He was on his own, he wasn't part of a team. He did great and I'm so proud of him!

I can't wait to cheer for him again!

Adventures In Reading

2008-09-08T19:04:00.001-06:00

Tonight Kolbie and I were reading Ramona The Pest ,we were on the bottom bunk reading and Katie was on the top bunk doing her reading. Kolbie got stuck on the word Beezus (the nickname of Ramona's older sister Beatrice). And Kolbie said:

"Beezus? It sounds kind of like Jesus!! Funny!!!"

Then we heard from the top bunk:

"Mom, I think Kolbie is related the Ramona. She's a pest too!"

This made me laugh hysterically. Kolbie can be funniest kid I know. Getting Kolbie to read can be very difficult. In fact, the only way that I can get her to read without a fight is if we take turns. She reads one page, I read on page. The thing that I love the most about reading with Kolbie is just the time I spend with her. Kolbie is a cuddler, and she loves to cuddle and read.

After reading Jenny's blog about Michelle reading it really got me to thinking about Kolbie and her struggles with reading. Her teacher last year told her that if she didn't start reading better then she would fail the 2nd grade. Who tells a 7 year old that? I never really appreciated how much the traumatized Kolbie until this year. She told me that she doesn't want to hear her teacher tell her she's going to fail again. As terrible as it was for her to hear, it lit a fire under her to do better. So it's not all bad. Looking back, I wish I would have stood up to her teacher a little more. Who tells a second grader that they're going to fail at least like that?

That's all for today.

By the way, did you know that when you call Dominos to order pizza, you call a call center? FYI...

American Entertainment Reaches New Low

2008-09-07T20:26:00.000-06:00

My family watches TV on Sundays. We probably shouldn't, but we do. Why? Because football is on Sundays. Greg and I were watching a game today on Fox and they started advertising for a new show call Hole In The Wall. It's a game show. A really stupid game show. The idea of this show is a wall made of styrofoam with shapes punched out of it moves toward the contestants. The contestants make the shape that's in the wall without falling into a pool of water or making a bigger hole. Who ever thought this up came from the shallow end of the gene pool. One of the contestants said that the greatest acheievement of their life was laying on a couch watching TV for 80 straight hours! What an achievement. Did that include bathroom breaks?

I know that American entertainment has really hitting the bottom of the barrel but this is terrible. My family does watch Wipe-Out every Tuesday night and we laugh the entire time, but that's the point of a show like that. I still don't really know what the meaning of Hole In The Wall is. Things have gotten so bad on TV that people will do almost anything to win money. The worst part of this show (other than the terrible outfits that the contestants wear) is that there are 2 hosts. One man and one woman. The man stands up just before the wall starts moving and shouts: Prepare for the Hole!! The job of the woman is to stand there in a really short skirt, flip her hair, smile, flirt with the losers on the show and be very, very, very annoying.

TV has gotten so bad that I generally watch movies now. I don't know what I'd watch without our Netflix subscription. TV has gotten so pointless. I really don't want to watch people acting like fools for money. But I guess that's what TV has always been about.

I remember listening to a John Bytheway talk about TV. He encouraged people to not watch TV for 30 days and see what happened. I don't know if I could do it, I love watching sports too much. Could you stop watching TV for 30 days?

Going Back to Work

2008-09-04T12:34:00.000-06:00

Today I drove (all by myself) to my doctors office to pick up a note that my boss asked for. Then I went into work for the first time since March. My official return to work date is September 14th. I'm so nervous every time I think about it I want to throw up.

Since going on disability (I was forced to by my previous General Manager) they have changed my General Manager. I've never worked with Bobby before (for any extended period of time). He seemed pleased that I brought in what he asked for, so I asked him how I thought everyone would take my coming back. FYI: My official title is Logistics Supervisor. He said that he didn't really know how everyone would take me coming back. He said that he's heard some negative things, but promised not to make any judgements about me until I've come back to work. That's fair, but it also puts a ton of pressure on me to perform well.

When I got my promotion last November I felt like I'd hit the jackpot, AND won the lottery. I'm still surprised that I have this position. Don't get me wrong, I've worked my ass off (sorry) to get that job, but I don't know if I really deserve it. And I don't know if I can be successful. Greg tells me that "...of course you can be successful, just stop thinking so much." Thanks my darling husband, but that doesn't make me feel much better.

I guess my game plan is to focus on my strengths. Which have always been, Markdowns (not my favorite thing), make sure signage is correct, upstock, and speed, speed, and speed. Maybe if I focus on those 4 things I just might make it. The weird thing is, before I got this promotion, I felt very, very confident in what I do. I just wish I could feel that way again, and quick!!!!!!!!!

I know that my job isn't very glamours, I don't teach children, care for the sick, or read to the blind, but I love my job! Even if it's just helping run and Old Navy. I know it's just T-shirts and flip-flops, but I love every last t-shirt and every pair of flip-flops.

Pray for me, I could use all the help I can get!

Our Bright Future

2008-09-02T12:38:00.000-06:00

Over the last week or so Kolbie has shown an amazing amount of intrest in stories about our wedding. I don't know why, but she asks me every night, "Mom, come and tell me stories about when you and Dad got married."

On Sunday I was laying down in my room and Kolbie walked in and saw my closet open. She pulled out my Temple Dress and asked if that was the dress I got married in. When I told her no, she asked if I still had my dress. When I told her I did, she started begging me to get it out so she could "... really look at it!" I couldn't resist! When I got it out I had to let her try it on, and as you can see she looked so beautiful! And then of course I had to let Katie try it on too. I think that Kate and Kolbie are the two most beautiful girls on the planet, but they looked even more amazing in my beautiful dress. Kolbie even asked if she could wear my dress for Halloween. When I told her no, she asked if she could wear it when she got married. This made me laugh because chances are she'll change her mind about that one.

With Kolbie asking so many questions about my wedding, it's forced me to take some trips down Memory Lane. As I look back, I have a list of thing that I'd do different, but honestly the day I got married was one of the 4 happiest days of my life (the other 3 were when the kids were born). I remember being so happy, and honestley I still am. Greg and I have had our rough times, and we still argue about stupid things that don't matter, but I love Greg more than I ever thought I could. We've been together for over 16 years now, and I'm still so happy. When I look back at our rough times it proves to me how much Greg loves me and how committed he is to me and our children.

Seeing my girls with my wedding dress on made me feel so excited for our future. The teenage years still freak me out a bit (I'm way too young to be the mother of a teenager, right?) but our future is bright. I'm sure there will be bumps in the road and a couple of detours, but I'm excited about our future.

Won't these two make beautiful brides one day?

The Assignment

2008-08-28T16:40:00.000-06:00

I just want to say in advance that I have not decided who I will vote for to be our next President.

The other day, I gave Chris and Kate an assignment. I told them that they had to listen to the speeches of the Presidental nominees from each party, then we're going to sit down and talk about it. When the kids told Greg about their "assignment" he rolled his eyes and laughed. He acted like that was the stupidest idea he had ever heard.

Honestley, giving my kids this assignment was meant to teach them to listen, then decide. When it comes to politics, especially Presidental or National Politics to many of us say: "...well, I'm a Democrat." or "...I'm a Republican." Really? Well do you really know how "your party" feels about certain issues? Maybe your opinion isn't as close to "your" party as you thought. I'm not saying that I'm completely innocent, but I try to be informed. No matter how depressed it makes me.

I have a friend (you know who you are) that completely votes down party lines. Well, I don't think that's the way the "framers" of the Constitution intended us to vote. But maybe I'm wrong. This friend and I always have friendly debates about this every autumn. I just feel that we were given the right to vote, but not vote blindly. Truth be known, I don't think my friend votes blindly, but I have to have something to argue about.

So, Barak Obama is accepting his party's nomination tonight, and I can't wait to watch it with my kids. I find it intresting that 45 years (to the day) after Dr. Martin Luther King gave his "I Have A Dream" speech, an African American man will accept the nomination of a major political party by narrowly beating out a woman. I don't know who has earned my vote, but I think that's something that I want see.

So tonight, my kids will complete half of their assignment, and I'm really intrested to hear what they think about things. Since their my children I'm sure that they'll have some pretty strong opinions about things.

Safe At Home

2008-08-25T16:40:00.000-06:00

Well, today was the first day of school. And it was a tramatic day for me, not the kids, not Greg, just me. Infact, the kids were so excited I didn't even have to wake them up this morning, I'm sure that won't last too long. The kids got ready for school without any help from me, and were out the door.

I had a doctors appointment. My implant was programmed and my stitches were removed (I'm glad I don't have to do that again any time soon). I'm going to be going off my meds YIPEE!!!!!! Anyway, I got home and the house was just too quiet, and I didn't like it at all.

I spent the afternoon reading and then I heard the sirens. I kept thinking: "Would I be able to hear sirens from the Jr. High?" "What if something has happened, with Chris in Jr. High the kids aren't together anymore." And on and on and on. It got so bad I called Greg and Aly to ask them if I'd be able to hear the sirens if they were at the Jr. High. Nothing happened, but I'm a worrier by nature, thanks Dad.

Anyway, Chris came home and ran straight to the bathroom, apparantley today was 7th Grade Mob Day, and he was scared he was going to get beaten up if he went to the bathroom. ???? Long story short, he was fine, he had a good day and he seemed happy.

Then, the girls got home. They were so happy. Kate loves her teachers and Kolbie is so excited to be in Miss Curtis' class. So basiclly everybody had a good first day of school. 1 down 180 to go.

I was just in the front room laying on the couch listening to my children playing playstation, looking for an afterschool snack, and searching for a pair of lost flip-flops, and I was ......happy. I was happy to have my children safe at home. We're all so busy all the time, it was just great to have the kids home, happy and safe. The only thing that would have made that moment more perfect would have been to have Greg here with us.

Carin, my friend drove me to my doctors appointment and we were talking about some issues that are in the news, and later I was talking to my sister and it got me thinking about having a safe place to fall. I have been critical of friends who I felt couldn't let go of their kids at all, but maybe I've been a little too eager to let go. Maybe the best thing for my kids is to be safe at home. I know I can't keep them little forever, but what's wrong with not wanting my kids to be too jaded to soon? Having them here with me today, I literally felt at peace. But maybe I'm making more of Jr. High than I really need to. Who knows? Maybe it's okay to let go of your kids in somethings, but hold tight to them in others.

Why did I feel like I was sending Chris into a battle zone when he left for school today?

Another Lagoon Experience

2008-08-24T18:43:00.001-06:00

As I said before, when we went to Lagoon, I spent most of the day observing the people around me. Here's an obersavtion for the record books:

We were walking over towards the Wild Mouse when a young couple walked past us. The guy was wearing a pair of black shorts and a "wife beater" tank top. The girl (notice that I don't call her a lady) was wearing a one piece swimsuit (I've scene string bikini's cover more skin) and a denim mini-skirt. The skirt was very, very mini. Well, the girl had a wedgie, and she chose to pick her wedgie by reaching under her skirt and jumping and wiggling. Greg saw the same thing that I did and started to chuckle. Katie saw it and asked me if I noticed it and what was that girl thinking? My reply: I don't know what she's thinking but that's not lady-like. Kate: Duh, Mom.

Maybe I'm too Old School, but what the heck happened to manners? They sure don't seem to matter anymore. From getting flipped off during rush hour traffic to belching at the dinner table, what's going on? I hate to say it but my Grandmother would be disgusted with the fact that manners don't matter anymore. I won't say I'm perfect, but I do try, and I don't allow my children to forget manners either. Maybe I'm just too "Old School".

The Lowest Of The Low

2008-08-22T00:15:00.000-06:00

My family and I spent Thursday at Lagoon. I loved being with the family but Lagoon itself was very boring to me because I was afraid to go one anything that would cause my pain level to skyrocket. I did breakdown and go on Wicked, it was really fun.

Being at Lagoon the main thing I did was people watch, and trust me Lagoon is an interesting place to watch people. The five of us were standing in line for the Log Ride and Michael Kirby, a kid we met through baseball was in line just ahead of us. As we were talking a group of people got off the ride and one of the guys got into a "adult size stroller". Michael turned around and said to me: "See that guy he's not really handicapped, they're just doing that so they don't have to wait in line." To be honest, I tried to ignore Michael. I honestly thought that he was judging the group unfairly. I even told him that you can't see every handicap.

Well, about 45 minutes later Greg, Chris and I were standing in line to go on Wicked, and who should arrive? The group that Michael was talking about. But, SOMEONE ELSE WAS SITTING IN "THE STROLLER"!!!!!!!! Then a while after that I was sitting waiting for my family's turn on the Bumper Cars to end, and who should arrive? You guessed it, the same group. AND SOMEBODY ELSE WAS IN THE STROLLER!!!!! AND THE TWO OTHER GUYS THAT I SAW SITTING IN THE STROLLER WERE PUSHING HIM AND WALKING WITH THE GROUP!!!!!!!!

Seeing this I literally got sick to my stomach. Then I got mad, really mad, but not mad enough because I didn't do a darn thing about it. I honestly don't know what I could have done, if I had said something to them I probably would have gotten a knuckle sandwich. But maybe I should have told a security guard or something.

I can't believe how low people will stoop because they can't be patient and wait their turn! I saw Michael after seeing the group the third time and told him what I saw, and that I was sorry for being so snotty to him. He said something interesting. He told me that he thought that what they were doing was wrong because he thought that they were making fun of people with disabilities.

Even now, when I think about this entire incident, I think it's really sad. Sad because these peoples lives are so pathetic that they have to drop to new lows because they are trying to feel important. Sad because these people most likely think they were being funny. And the saddest thing is that I didn't do or say anything when I should have. I'm disappointed with myself.

My Breaking Heart

2008-08-20T10:40:00.000-06:00

Over the last few months I've been reading a blog called Baldy's Blog. It was written by a 26 year old man that lived in England who was dying of Lukemia. I went to his blog today, and read a post entitled: Adrian Passes Away. And my heart is breaking.

Adrian had a bone marrow transplant, and went into remission, but unfortunatley his cancer returned. He decided against any major treatment, so the fact that he has passed away isn't much of a surprise. But why does my heart hurt so much, for a man I never met or even talked to in any way?

Adrian had spent the last few months of his life trying to get the English government to teach about bone marrow and organ donation in public schools. This is something that I can appreciate since my dad is currently on a list for a liver. The thing that struck me the most, is that this man knew he was going die and chose to spend his time trying to make things better for other people who are sick. How many of us would have "stuck our head in the sand", and just spent our remaining time with our families and friends? I know that I'm not strong enough to do something like he did.

I guess the most we can really hope for at the end of our lives is that this world was made a little better because we were here. Adrian taught me lots of things, but I guess the thing that I will remember most is: use the time you have wisely, and we can all make a difference.

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends. Many of whom helped Adrian with his petition to the governement. I think that I'm going to find our if I can be a bone marrow donor, I don't know if I can because of my health issues, but it's worth my time to find out.

Thank you Adrian!

The Redeemed Team?

2008-08-16T12:42:00.001-06:00

I've been watching the Olympics A LOT!!! But one thing I refuse to watch is Men's Basketball. If you've read my blog for a while you know that I'm not a fan of basketball. I think I should change that opinion: I'm not a fan of professional basketball, I can handle college and high school basketball. But I digress, I DETEST the Olympic Mens Basketball team!!!

On the way to the hospital on Thursday we were listening to ESPN Radio and they asked an intresting question. If you would watch Michael Phelps swim or the Basketball Team play, what would you watch? I'd have to say I'd watch Michael Phelps, but if the question was: Would rather watch paint dry or the Basketball Team play what would you watch? I'd pick watching paint dry.

If the basketball team were made up of the best college players in the country, it might be more intresting. The team they have now has made it almost impossible to lose, and I hate that. I feel watching a team play that cannot be beaten is boring, and a bit insulting. Why all this big talk about this team? They win by so many baskets it sickening! The big talk was about Greece and how the team needed to avenge a loss in the last Olympics. What's the fun of watching a team that can't be beaten?

I know I'm probably in the minority, but I feel that watching a team that can lose is more exciting than watching a team that's unbeatable. I guess my main questionis: What's the point? What's the point of watching a team that not only can't be beaten, but wins by huge amounts every game? What's the fun in that? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe they will lose, but I doubt it.

My Mom

2008-08-13T21:41:00.001-06:00

This is my Mom. Anything good about me comes from something this beautiful woman taught me.

My Mom will love me no matter what, and that's pretty amazing to me. My mom has always been a working mom, but I never felt like there was anything more important than our family to her. There have been times that have been difficult for my mom, but she has shown me over the years that she will do anything for her children. Even if it's painful.

Mom amazes me about so many things. She can always change my perspective about things. And she loves to tease me about the silly things I do. The best thing about my mom is that she is happy if we're happy. The main expectation that Mom has had for me over the years is to be happy and productive. When I'm happy with my life, Mom's happy. When I'm not being productive or am doing something I shouldn't she is the first to tell me to shape up.

Mom for me is grace personified. With Dad being sick Mom's in a position that she never thought she would be in. Most days she does an amazing job of keeping things going. She can even deal with me and my emotions about Dad being sick. Mom has dealt with the realities of Dad being sick in such a graceful way.

Mom loves being a Grammie (grandma) to all her grandchildren. Her face lights up when she sees her grand kids, it's a great thing to watch. She tries to have snacks at her house just for the kids (and when I say just for the kids, I mean just for the kids -- I got scolded for eating those snacks). She loves those kids so much.

My mom is my truest friend. She is always on my side (except when I'm wrong), and is the first one to tell me I'm wrong. My Mom is someone I can laugh with and tell secrets to. My Mom is the first person I go to when my heart is breaking, and when I'm over the moon happy.

Sometimes I worry because I'm afraid that she feels like she's not as important to me, as my Dad is. But she's just as dear to me as anyone. Abraham Lincoln once said: "Everything I am is because of my angel mother". That's how I feel about my Mom. Everything good about me comes from something she taught me. Thank you Mom for just being you! I love you!

My Dad

2008-08-12T15:41:00.001-06:00

This is a picture of my Dad, he's one of the best people I know. I think he's amazing!

As a kid growing up, my dad worked allot of funky shifts. He wasn't around as much as he wanted to be, but I never doubted how much he loved me, my mom and my sister and brothers. He has always been devoted to our family, even when things got difficult.

When I was in about 6th grade my dad when back to school, to get his teaching certificate. If someone were to ask me to describe my dad, I would have to say that he's a teacher. My Dad is one of those people fortunate enough to find something that he does well and loves and turned it into a career. Growing up I always remember that my dad's calling in church was Gospel Doctrine Teacher. I remember having people comment on what a great teacher my Dad is. I remember feeling so proud of him. My Dad finished school and started teaching 6th grade. He spend the next 15 years or so teaching elementary school.

I just got off the phone with Dad, he's concerned about my upcoming surgery. He called and wanted as much information about the procedure as possible. I thought that this was very sweet since Dad's not feeling to well lately himself.

Growing up over the years, I turned into a Daddy's Girl. My Dad turned into a trusted friend, I've told Greg that I hope he and our girls can have a tight bond like I do for my Dad. One thing about my dad is that he has never put up with all my crap. He's the first to tell me I've done a good job, but he's also the first one to tell me to get over myself and to stop acting like such an idiot. I guess the thing I love about my Dad is that he sees me for who I am, and what I can become. He tells me to stop my bad behavior and is my biggest cheerleader when I do something great.

I talk to my Dad almost everyday. I call to see how he's doing. My dad's illness (Primary Schlerosing Colongitis (sp?)) has changed so many things for our family. But it hasn't changed how I feel about my Dad. My Dad is my hero!! Who's yours?

How I Really Am Part 2

2008-08-10T01:10:00.001-06:00

I'm sure some of you read a post I had a couple of months ago titled: How I Really Am. Basically I vented how crappy my life was at that time. Well, I thought it was time for an update!

Many things have not changed for me. I'm still in a great deal of pain daily, and am hoping to have my Pain Control Implant placed this coming week. I still can't drive, and I'm alone often. BUT! I'm very, very, very grateful for so many things in my life.

First, I'm grateful for friends and neighbors who have really gone the extra mile with service. I'm grateful for Carin and the great example, and amazing friend she had turned into for me. She has really come through for me in so many ways. Thank you so much for everything!

I'm grateful for members of my ward and neighborhood that have helped me and my family with amazing service. I've had meals brought in, and even had people help clean my house!!! The service that has been given to my family is such an example to my family. The kids have even commented on how great everyone has been!

I'm grateful for my wonderful husband! He puts up with so much! He listens to me complain about so many things and still makes me smile almost everyday! He really has started to try to understand how I'm feeling and puts up with so much.

The other day, I had spent most of the day trying to clean the house, and was finishing my day helping wash Kolbie's hair. I was feeling miserable but was struck with realization of how much I love being a mother. Motherhood was not something that I pictured myself doing as a teenager, and was scared to death when we decided to start our family. I have always been afraid that I would fail my children in some way. I'm not a perfect mother, but I love being the mother of Chris, Kate and Kolbie! My kids are amazing, and I love them more than anything in the world. I love that they cry on my shoulder and can be make me laugh almost everyday. I love teasing Kate, talking sports with Chris, and reading with Kolbie. I even love the less glamorous parts of parenthood like taking care of sick kids and discipline. My children have brought me so much joy. I always thought it was so corny when moms would say that their children are the lights of their lives, but now I truly understand what they meant. I love being Chris, Kate and Kolbie's mom!

So I guess how I really am is: grateful for my friends and neighbors, grateful for a loving husband, and happy being a Mom to the 3 greatest kids I know! That's how I really am!

P.S. There was a comment posted on that blog that I felt I didn't handle very well. Whoever you are I'm sorry if I offended you.

Best Calling In The Church

2008-08-09T22:06:00.000-06:00

I have decided that I have the best calling in the church. I'm a Mia-Maid advisor, and I love it. For those of you not familiar with the church, I teach 14 and 15 year old girls. I consider it a privilege to be associated with these kids. In short, they are amazing and I learn more from them than I could ever hope to teach them.

I wish I could say that I'm good at my calling, but I'm not. Like so many other things, I've got a lot of room for improvement. For instance: I don't work on my lessons nearly as much as I should, and I don't go to the activities (we have weekly activities) like I should. One thing I can tell you is that I love those girls, and think about them everyday.

My sister-in-law, Jaylynn is the Young Women President (she basically heads up the program), and that puts some pressure on me to try to do a good job. I don't want to let her down. Since I've been in this calling I've gotten to know Jay better, and I really like her, and enjoy being around her.

One thing about my calling is that when I prepare my lessons I really try to follow the Spirit, but sometimes when I do that I feel like the girls are just sitting there staring at me, and aren't really into the lessons. I don't get it. Maybe I'm the one who benefits, maybe the direction is for me. What do you think?

Update

2008-08-05T20:24:00.000-06:00

I went to the doctor today, and he removed the leads from my back. It didn't hurt, it actually felt really weird.

As it turns out I may not be able to have the implant after all. I was reading in the binder that they gave me the other day at the hospital, and it says that you can't have lithotripsy (the procedure that blows up kidney stones) if you have the device. I asked the dr about it and he said that he'd look into it. It's definitely a deal breaker for me. With the amount of kidney stone I produce, I can't take that option away. The only other option would be surgery, and I don't know how big a kidney stone has to get and they have to cut you open (as opposed to using the scope). This is very discouraging to me because I didn't really realize how much the implant was helping until it was gone today. I just really want to get this all done and get my life back. It didn't take away all my pain but it took away most of it. I feel like I can't really ask for more.

As much as I want the implant, the surgery to have it put in scares me to death. They have to cut me open in 2 places, I've never had that done before (which is pretty amazing considering how many surgeries I've had). They also said that they wouldn't knock me out under general anesthesia (sp?). I'd be under conscience sedation. What the heck does that mean anyway? They only thing I know for sure is that I won't remember anything (at least that's the way it's supposed to be, right Carin?:)

I guess this is where my faith has to come in. Do what you can, and hope (and pray) for the best. I just hate feeling like I have no control over my life. The thing that's really funny, is that I probably never had that much control to begin with.

P.S. Should I be worried that one of the options on my spell check for lithotripsy was deathtraps? :)

Gross!

2008-08-04T19:48:00.000-06:00

This little monster is my Pain Control Implant Device. When things are all done, it will be implanted into my hip, but for now it's coming out my back. I went into surgery on July 31. They didn't knock me out all the way, but they gave me medication so I don't remember anything.

This thing was inserted into the Epidural Space (between my backbone and spinal cord) and blocks pain impulses from going to my brain from my right flank (right side, lower back). This machine is a miracle for me. It really helps, I'm not 100% perfect, but I'm feeling much better. I told my Mom last night that I wasn't sure if I was going to get it implanted. Greg and I have talked, and I am going to have it implanted. The thing that was holding me back was fear. They still won't knock me out totally and that scares me. They'll have to cut me open this time, and that is scary to me.

I'm going to the Doctor tomorrow and he's going to remove the leads. I'm really excited. I can't wash my hair without help, and I can't take baths or showers. I do get cleaned up, but I want to take a bubble bath. Having this thing hanging out of me is uncomfortable, and painful. I've also been bleeding on and off since Saturday. AND IT ITCHES!!!!!!!! I've been taking Benedryl off and on since Saturday night.

Enough complaining!! The benefits of this little wonder is: NO MEDICATION!!!!! I will be able to stop my pain medication!!!! That is such a big deal for me, since I've had problems with medications in the past. The idea of not being on medication is like a dream. Kolbie said: "...so Mom, you'll be able to drive us places like other moms?" Yep that's exactly what it means! I have to admit that comment did bring out some guilt, but oh well. I'll be able to go back to work and do something for a change.

Please remember me in your prayers (thank you if you have been) so that I can get this thing implanted without complications. I want to be be "like other Moms".

Sorry if the picture grossed you all out!

BORED

2008-08-02T17:57:00.000-06:00

I remember watching an episode of MASH where everyone was bored. I remember Hawkeye saying: I'm BORED! BORED! BORED! BORED! BORED! BORED! BORED! BORED!

That's how I'm feeling today. This is one thing that I really HATE about being sick, is that I get so bored!!! When I finally can't stand it anymore, I'll get up and do something I shouldn't then, I'm down in bed again for a couple of days. The real problem now is that I can't bend or lift anything, so even if I want to do something I can't. Greg, so his credit, really gets after me if I do too much. I've spent the last day working on my Haunted House cross-stitch and I'm really bored.

I've had it with being down and out! I'm ready to be "back in the game". Everyone always say that I would love to be able to just stay in bed all day and do nothing. Trust me when I say, no you don't. There's only so much TV to watch, books to read, cross-stitch to work on before you go NUTS!!!

Update -- So Far So Good

2008-08-01T10:38:00.001-06:00

Just a quick post to let you all know that I'm feeling pretty good after my placement surgery yesterday. I feel like a pin cushion. They couldn't get everything to work in one try so they had to make several attempts before things went into my back the way they wanted. They ended up using a 14 gauge needle (that doesn't mean much to me), so if you know what that means, please let me know. All I know is that it's a big needle.

I'm happy to announce that the pain I was experiencing before the surgery is being controlled very well by this device. Basically I feel an "electronic" buzzing in my back and legs. Apparently the nerve that is causing me so much pain, is right next to the nerve for my legs, so that's why I feel it in my legs as well. It's interesting though, because the sensation is different depending on the way I'm sitting or laying. I turn my head and the feeling is different. It's really cool.

There was a rep from the implant company that was there yesterday, she helped me program the device. I asked her if she has met the guy who invented this thing. She said that she had, and he's a sweet old (97) man, who is very sweet and humble. I told her if she ever saw him again, to give him a big kiss right on the lips for me. She laughed and said that she hears that a lot. I'm amazed that there are people that are smart enough to create things like this. We are all so blessed to be able to benefit from their work.

Anyway, so far so good. I'm going into the Dr on Tuesday to have the "leads" removed and to talk about what the next step is. I'll let you know more then.

Hollywood, The Real Deal?

2008-07-29T16:39:00.001-06:00

Today I was listening to The Colin Cowherd show on ESPN radio and he made a point tht I've been trying to make for several years. He was talking about how "real" movie are.

He was referencing a article by a movie critic about the move "X-Files". The critic said a scene depiciting a doctor injecting stem cells into a boys brain was "unrealistic". Really? Well, that's news.

A couple of years ago when the new Superman movie came out, I remember asking a friend if she liked the movie. She said "... it was alright. The scene where Superman saves Lois Lane from the airplane is totally unrealistic, though." OH MY GOSH!!!! Aparantley a movie about a man that choses to wear tights, flighs through the air, and has super-human strength is realistic!! Are you kidding me?

Since when has Hollywood been about being real? All you have to do is look at Pamela Anderson and know that's not true. If Hollywood was about being real, you'd seen Angelina Jolie with saggy boobs, stretch marks, and bags under her eyes because she was up all night with her newborns. Instead what do you see? You see the mother of a 12 year old that looks like Pamela Anderson!!! All you ever see from Hollywood is flat tummies, perky boobs, tight butts in clothes that cost the gross national product of some small island nations!! And the men are no better!! Go check out all the bi-ceps shown in an OK! Magazine, and then check out all the bi-ceps that are at your family reunion and you'll see what I mean.

I am so sick of people acting like Hollywood is the real deal!! Why is everyone so shocked when a star shows their true colors? Has anyone thought that maybe Jennifer Aniston is difficult to be in a relationship with? Maybe there is a stretch mark within the city limits of the Los Angeles metropolitian area!

I know that I sound bitter, maybe I am. I notice that my husband notices all those pictures of women that are either air-brushed or plastic and it bugs me. How do you compete with perfection?

Kolbie The Astronaut

2008-07-29T08:28:00.001-06:00

Over the weekend, while we were driving from a baseball game back to our hotel, we heard Kolbie announce:

I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. Except I don't want to go to space.

Reply: Why don't you want to go to space?

Kolbie: Because I'm scared I'll lose myself in space, and that would be not cool!!!!!

All joking aside, this seems like pretty good logic to me. However, I asked Kolbie how she's going to be an astronaut and not go into space. She said:

I'll be the kind that doesn't go to space, Mom. Duh.

Gotta love that kid!

A Baseball Weekend

2008-07-28T11:39:00.000-06:00

Well, we survived the weekend in Spanish Fork. The team played 4 hard fought games. Unfortunately, we lost all 4 games. As for Chris, I'm so proud of him, I could just explode. He's done such a good job and he didn't quit (which was a bigger deal to me than anything). He played third base, center field, catcher and pitched (and did an awesome job) in the last game. Here are some pictures:

I know I've said before that I wasn't really ready for baseball to be done (with this team at least), but I am. I think that Chris has taken about all he can from this experience. I have to saya quick thanks to Roger, Johnnie, Don and Papi. They were the coaches and scorekeeper for the team. Thank you so much.

I asked Chris what he's learned from being on this all-star team. He said "...to not be scared." That shocked me, so I asked him what he meant. He said that he knows not to be scared when he plays because the other kids he's playing against are just kids his age. He also said that he learned that he made that team for a reason. When I translate all that it tells me that he's gained confidence, and I can see it when I watch him play. He's also not the Drama King he was before (every time he got hurt he was dying -- but not as much now). He even seems happier than he did before. I think its because he's having fun. He also worships Johnnie (he loves all his coaches but really likes Johnnie), he's made learning baseball fun for Chris.

I've said before that one of my favorite things to do is watch my kids do the things that they love. Well, watching Chris play baseball makes me so happy. I can tell when I watch him play that he loves it. His love for playing comes out even more when I take him to practice and he's smiling, and even when he talks about baseball. He's such a good kid!! I love him so much! He's taught me more than I could ever teach him.

I love you buddy!!!!

SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-23T19:48:00.000-06:00

i THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALL LIKE TO KNOW THAT MY DOCTOR GAVE THE OKAY FOR MY SPINAL CORD STIMULATOR IMPLANT!!! I'm so scared but so happy!! I'm hoping that this works so I can get my life back!!! I spoke to another patient recently that gave me some hope about the implant. She said that it was the best thing she ever did since she started having cronic pain. It sounds kind of freaky, but hopefully it will work.

Thank you for all of your kind thoughts and prayers, I would be so grateful if they would keep coming. I'm not "out of the woods" yet and could use all the help I could get.

We're having my family over for dinner and fireworks tomorrow, so I'm going to try to post pictures soon. That is a VERY big deal for me, I'm not very computer savvy.

Thanks again.

Prayers, Please

2008-07-23T13:33:00.000-06:00

Things have been surprisingly quiet on the baseball front this week. YIPEE!!!! I must say that I'm surprised.

Right now I'm at my parents house and Dad's having a rough week. He just doesn't feel good at all. His speech is slurry, and he's even in some pain this week. The thing that is so frustrating about this #$^*$#@ disease is that you can have serious symptoms and your blood work comes back in the "normal"range. I can't tell you how angry I get when Mom tells me that all Dad's blood work is good. I don't want my dad to be sick, but he's got all these symptoms and his blood work says he's fine. I know it's the nature of the disease, but what gives?

Kolbie and I are going to go to my Doctors office is a little bit, to get my medication adjusted. I'm so tired of this ride with my pain, it sure makes the days drag on. My appointment today is to adjust my meds. I really don't get it, of course I'm depressed, this is a depressing situation. I've never been scared to tell people that I've had a life long relationship with depression, but I find that (lately) people are a little judgemental. Most people don't mean to be, but stupid things just fly out of peoples mouth.

So yes, I'm clinically depressed, I have been for most of my life. I remember being very small and feeling depressed, that's just part of who I am. Amazingly enough, the people that love me accept this part of me better than I do (most of the time, it's one of the things I hate the most about myself). I still don't understand why Greg would want to stick around, but he loves me, even if I don't understand why most of the time. So anyway, I'm going to get my meds adjusted by the dr.

I'm also going to talk to him about giving the ok for my pain implant. I asked my dr if one of his patients who has an implant if they could call me and tell me about it. So I got a call from a woman about my age. It sounds AMAZING!!!!!!! So, if I could get the doctor to give me the okay, that's the first step to get my life back.

So everyone, think good thoughts and say your prayers that 1) I can get my implants and 2) Dad can feel better (or maybe worse, so he can get his transplant).

Oh, and if you could pray for the Mets, they let first place slip from their fingers!!! They need all the help they can get!!!! They have to get to first place!!!!

The Calm Before The Storm

2008-07-19T18:55:00.000-06:00

This has been a weird weekend, nothings happening. No ball games, birthday parties, weddings, ect. So I've spent Saturday doing my laundry. I've had some energy and (surprise, surprise) some ambition. My definition of the laundry being done, is EVERYTHING is washed, dried, ironed and put away (including socks)! Which means my laundry is NEVER done. I've come pretty close today, but not quite finished. And unfortunately, I'll be paying for it tomorrow (today actually). It's only 7pm and I'm already in a lot of pain.

Also, we've had Connie Ficker with us this weekend while her parents are out of town. She's a good kid, and I enjoy having her around, she makes me smile.

Katie is getting ready to go to Mill Hollow on Monday, and she is so excited. She's so excited it's not bordering on annoying, but she's only 11 so she does annoying well.

Chris has spent most of the weekend hanging out with Austin, they went to the Geex Festival. It's something about video games. He bought 3 games for 10 bucks (all of them sports games--we already have a million of those), he's so excited because he got such a great deal. His sisters and I have enjoyed making fun of him because he willingly went the "Geek" Festival.

Kolbie is been playing with her best buddy Annie. She's been a little stinker about doing chores, reading and doing her math flash cards, so if anyone has any ideas about how to help with that I'd really appreciate it.

We're all looking forward to Chris' All-Star team playing in a tournament next weekend. Practices start next week. YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!! We've been so bored this week, I can't wait. I hope that none of the other families are going to make this tournament difficult because I'm really looking forward to it. I have a weird feeling because one of the other Dads asked Greg what kind of tournament it was. He was shocked when Greg told him it was a "Super League" tournament. Oh well, hopefully nothing will happen.

This has got to be the most boring blog I've ever written, there's just not much going on right now. I'm grateful for the quiet, but I'm a little nervous. You know the old saying, "...the calm before the storm..."

Greg Gets Attacked By A Rottweiler

2008-07-17T13:42:00.000-06:00

The other night Greg decided to take Harley (our dog) for a walk. After he had been gone for about 10 minutes, I heard the door open and Greg cussing. This shocked me, because you don't hear Greg cuss every day. I was sitting at the computer, so I turned as he walked in the kitchen and I asked him what was wrong? And something else happened that doesn't happen every day: Greg yelled at me!!

"Harley and I just got attacked by a damn Rotweiler!!!!!"

I was speechless, after a few seconds I decided I should ask what happened.

"We were walking down the street and a Rotweiller came running out of his garage toward me and Harley. Harley was going nuts, all I could do was pick him up and turn my back to the Rotweiller. He jumped on me. Luckily, his owners came and got him."

This is when I notice that Greg is covered in dirt from head to toe. It also dawns on me, at this point to ask if he's okay.

"I'm okay, except that I scrapped up my foot, but I'M FINE!!!!"

The top of his foot is all scrapped up and part of the skin under his big toe was torn off (don't ask me how that happened), but other than that he and the dog were fine. I however was a bit upset. I was ready to call the cops, but Greg stopped me. Now that I look back, I chuckle every time I think about it.

Ever since this incident Greg has invited me to go with him when he walks the dog.

DON'T WORRY GREG, I'LL PROTECT YOU!!!!

Memory Lane...

2008-07-15T02:15:00.000-06:00

I can't sleep so here's a new post:

When I first started blogging I thought that getting tagged was so fun, but now, not so much. But this one is fun!!

Rules

1. As a comment on my blog, post a memory that you and I share.

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you leave a memory about me, I'll do my best to return the favor and leave a memory about you!!

I'm excited to see what happens with this -- it could be really fun!!

The Drama Continues

2008-07-14T16:56:00.000-06:00

I'm sad to announce that the Kearns Pony All-Star Team lost their second game today, in their double elimination tournament. I know that I've said before that I'm ready for baseball to be done for the year, but really I'm not. I am however ready for the drama to be over, but unfortunately it's not.

We played the Orem B team, and I felt the teams were pretty fairly matched, but we had some key errors. Basically, they just played better than we did. Chris had an error when he was playing center, grounded out, got a single, and got hit by 2 pitches. I about went nuts when he got hit the second time, but I'm proud to announce that I kept my cool.

I am about to lose my cool with some of the parents of this team. The parents that I mentioned in my previous post, still couldn't stop the bitching. We were going to sit in the shade in center field, but this family decided to sit there as well. At first we thought that things would be okay, but then she just started running her mouth. We decided to sit down by home plate, and roast on the asphalt. I know I had a better time roasting than I would have sitting in the shade listening to her complain.

The thing that really upsets me, is that this kid played the ENTIRE GAME, but that wasn't good enough. Chris told me that this kid was complaining about his spot in the batting order. Excuse me, but WHAT??????????? I guess that it's just one of those situations that no matter what you do, you just can't win. Oh and by the way, we still lost with "the best player in the league" playing the entire game.

I did promise myself that I would try to be more positive when I was around the kids, and I feel like I did pretty well. In fact, when the President of the league showed up, I didn't even tell him how upset I was when he announced that the league was such a mess and "no one had done anything in a long time" at closing ceremonies -- Greg was the previous president. I guess I did pretty well then, but I'm doing a pretty crappy job of being positive now.

Well, Roger has give the kids the week off from practice. I'm glad, but I know that we're going to be pretty bored around here come Thursday. I have to admit, that I really enjoy being involved with this team, and their families despite obvious personality conflicts.

The team is going to play in a tournament in Spanish Fork on the 25th and 26th, and I think we're going to make a mini-vacation out of the trip. With me being down and out as far as work goes we really don't have the funds to do any major vacationing this year, so Spanish Fork, here we come. The place may never be the same again.

Tomorrow I'm going in for my Pshycological Evaluation at the doctors office so I can get my pain control implant. Please no snide remarks about my mental stability. All joking aside this entire thing freaks me out allot!! Basically the doctor will put "leads" into the space between my backbone and my spinal cord which will be attached to a device that will be implanted under my skin. Then, I can use a remote control to control the amount of pain I'm in. It sounds like something that you'd see in a bad sci-fi movie, but if it works I won't complain. I will even have to carry a card with me in the event that I ever fly (because I'll set off the alarms) or am ever in a major accident. The entire thing is really scary, but I need to get my life back. I need to get back to work, I feel allot better about things in general when I have to work. I can get really down in the dumps when I'm stuck at home all the time. Maybe that's why I love this baseball team so much.

That's my update for today. Please leave a comment, I love comments. Next up: Greg gets attacked by a Rottweiler and baseball pictures!

All-Star Drama

2008-07-13T14:09:00.000-06:00

After weeks of practice, Chris' baseball team has finally started playing in the All-Star Tournament. We lost our first game yesterday, and are scheduled to play again tomorrow at 1pm.

There are certain things about this team that I am getting really tired of. There is one family whose son is on the team that I am getting sick of. All they say is that he's the best player in the league (I don't agree), so he should be playing every minute of every game.

SIDEBAR: In some aspects I understand this way of thinking. I think that Chris is the best player on his team. But I'm his mother and therefore am not the most objective person to ask.

All this family does is complain. There was even an incident at the field and a fist-fight almost broke out between his players older brother and one of the coaches. I didn't witness this event, so I don't really know what happened, but I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!! This kids family is very loud, so when they get upset everyone hears about it. Of course, I shouldn't judge because I can be pretty loud myself. What these people don't understand is that the rest of the team hears about it too. This attitude is bringing down not only the fans of this team, but the team itself. So much of the energy has turned negative, even Chris has commented about it.

My experience with Chris makes me believe that kids get so much pressure from their parents when it comes to sports. Unfortunately, I have put pressure on Chris when I was doing what I thought was in his best interest. He gets so down on himself when he makes errors or didn't get "the big hit". He's told me before that "...I should be getting the big hits and making the big plays, Mom." This makes me feel bad. All I've really wanted from him is to go out and have fun, make friends, and improve. Parents can really ruin sports for a kid. When Greg was president of the league he got calls from parents whose kids were in T-Ball complaining about playing time or what position their kid was playing.

All parents get too caught up in this stuff, but some parents really cross the line. All I can say is that I'm really tired of this situation. If you really think that your son is the best player on the team, then why is he on the bench? Everyone else is wrong and your right? I'm getting to the point that I want to tell these parents that if you don't like it, take him off the team. Because I sure am sick of hearing about it.

All of that being said, I don't feel like I'm perfect in any of this. I've been known to make a complete ass of myself at a ballgame or two, but I guess we're all learning. I'm trying to get better with all of this. I have made it a point to be as positive as I can with these kids, especially with Chris.

Chris has made so much improvement on this team. He's always been a bit of a Drama King when it comes to injuries. He always thinks he's dying. In fact, he pulled himself out of a game a week ago because he "hurt" his arm. Really, he just scraped his arm. He got called out in front of the entire team by Roger. When Chris told me that I was pretty upset, I admit, but just talked to Chris about the situation. Yesterday, he got hit by a pitch. Greg and I just looked at each other, hoping that he learned something. He just trotted down to first base, you could tell that it hurt but he just kept on playing. I really hope that this is a lesson that sticks. This is just one thing that has improved with Roger and Johnnie as his coaches.

Another thing that I've noticed is that he worships Roger and Johnnie. If I hear one more time "...well Mom, Roger and Johnnie said..." I think I'll go nuts. Honestly, if they told him it would improve his game to run down Main Street naked, I think he'd consider it!!! And more than anything, his confidence has improved so much. He's having so much fun, and he's learning so much!

Well, that's about all I've got to say on that subject for right now. I just hope that there's a more positive atmosphere around this team. I'm going to do my part to make that happen.

Thanks Roger, Johnnie, Don, Popi, and Travis for all your time and effort you've spent with this team. You've made a difference with my son.

"MY DAY WITH DAD" and "HELP US, PLEASE HELP"

2008-07-11T01:01:00.000-06:00

I had the opportunity to spend the day with Dad and I feel that I have some things to update. First of all: I had a WONDERFUL TIME. I always do when I spend time with Dad, he's amazing.

Anyway, when he woke up this morning, it looked like we might be having really tough day. He had an errand to run that he didn't want to go and do AT ALL and he didn't feel good. His head seemed really foggy. I was even a little bit nervous to take care of him alone. I really hated feeling that way, this was my Dad for crying out loud. I just didn't know what to expect.

Well, Dad and I drove in silence to run his errand. When we got to the distination, Dad quietly got out of the car, and was directed to where we needed to be. He quietly walked into the office, signed some papers, quietly thanked everyone for their help and assistance, and quietly left the building.

After kissing Mom good-bye there was more silence in the car as we drove to Smiths to pick up something for us to eat for lunch. Dad was his regular self when it came to what I wanted for lunch. He made it pretty clear that not only did he not want me to starve, but he wanted to make sure that I had anything I wanted. I thought that was very sweet, that was the Dad that I grew up with. There were also a couple of times that I had to just keep my mouth firmly shut (something I don't do very well) and let Dad take care of some things. Like: self check-out. He doesn't like to be disturbed:>

We got back to the apartment we both ate breakfast (we were home befor 9am) and I gave Dad his first dose of medication. By the time came for he second dose he was doing much better. His head didn't seem to be in the clouds as much. Infact, he started bossing Benjamin and myself around the apartment -- we moved furniture. By the time we were done: the living room furniture had been moved, the entire apartment had been dusted and vacumed, the kitchen had been cleaned, and some of Mom's papers had been "gone through". So: I feel my day with Dad went well. By the time we left this evening Dad seemed much better. He discribed it as: "...my head has come down from the clouds."

Before I left, I went and gave Dad a hug and kiss and thanked him for letting me come up to hang around. I told him I had a great time. In my opinion any time I can spend with my dad, is time that is absolutely well spent. I told him I'll come up again next week for at least 1 day. He told me that would enough time for him to figure out another long list of chores.:>

One thing that I learned today was that things are not perfect and aren't what we'd hoped, but we adjust. In my opinion Dad's disease is progressing much faster than anyone anticipated. It totally sucks and is really SCARY!! The one person I am in total awe of when it come to this crappy situation with Dad is Mom. I always thought my mother was an amazing woman, but watching her go through all this with dad while having to try to answer questions and concerns of 4 children and 4 children -in law and 9 grandchildren takes her to a different standard. My Mom Rocks!! I know that sounds juvenile but that's the only way I can think to describe her right now. My Mom is amazing!!!

One concern we all have right now is raising money for Dad's medical expenses. We were given several gift baskets at Dad's Retirement Party for us to sell. Greg has placed it on Ebay the link is on the post from July 6th. If you all could help us put the word out we would all really appreciate it. This first basket has tickets to the Steve Miller Band concert. Like I said we have several other baskets and more are being donated daily, so if you'd be interested in donating something to add to the auction, please let us know through this blog. Also could we all please put the word out that we have these items to sell. They were all donated and Mom and Dad could use as much as they can to pay for medication, doctor, and hospital bills. I KNOW THAT WE CAN MAKE THINGS HAPPEN TO REALLY HELP DEAL WITH THE BILLS, so any little help or idea please let us know asap.

HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

2008-07-09T11:58:00.001-06:00

I'M TRYING TO MAKE SOME CHANGES ON MY BLOG AND IT'S NOT GOING WELL. THINGS SHOULD BE UP AND GOING SOON. PLEASE BE PATIENT. THANKS

The Bear of Love aka:Kolbie

2008-07-07T13:09:00.001-06:00

What a weekend! Greg put in a new dishwasher (I helped) and we didn't end up in divorce court (this is a miracle, we always fight when we do home improvements). We went and saw WALL E as a family. I liked it, I thought it was funny. And most important: KOLBIE GOT BAPTIZED!!!!!

I cannot believe that my youngest child got baptised! I am WAY too young to say that!! Anyway, Kolbie (as usual) was amazing.

She planned the entire program. She called and asked Grandma (sort of) to play to piano. She asked her Aunt Stephanie to conduct the songs. She picked: I Love To See The Temple and I Am A Child Of God.

Her cousin Mason gave a speech on Baptism. He did an amazing job! I was going to get a picture of Mason and Kolbie but I forgot (of course). He did a great job. He sat right down in front of Kolbie and talked to her about baptism, what it meant and how important it was. I cannot thank him enough, he did a great job and he made Kolbie feel special. After Kolbie was baptized my Mom and Dad gave a speech about being Confirmed and The Gift of the Holy Ghost. They were great (as usual). I am so grateful that my parents could be a part of the program. With Dad being sick, he get confused easily, he also forgets things so I was happy that he and Mom were able to contribute to the program.

After Greg and I had Katie, we thought that we were done having kids. In fact, if you were to ask us we would have told you that we were DONE HAVING KIDS!!! But then, the Spirit gave both Greg and I the feeling that we weren't done having kids, and then Kolbie became part of our family!!! Looking back, I can't even believe that I ever felt that we were all done. I have a friend that was given a blessing after one of his children were born with severe disabilities and was told that this baby was going to cement his family together. He told me after I had Kolbie that she would be the cement of our family. I know that he's right.

Kolbie was blessed with a genuinely happy and grateful personality, and I have learned and continue to learn so much from her. My Mom said in her talk at the baptism: if you only get 2 hugs from Kolbie when she sees you, she usually upset with you. Kolbie is very affectionate. Almost every night I fall asleep snuggling with Kolbie. Kolbie is also a caregiver. She HATES that I'm sick, but she takes such good care of me. She has literally held my hair back when I've been throwing up -- this just shows me how much she loves me because she has a weak stomache. She is always asking me how I feel and if I need anything. Kolbie thinks about other people before she thinks of herself allot of the time (she is a kid). She takes good care of me! My Mom and Dad call her: The Bear of Love (Bear is one of Kolbie's nicknames), there's a funny story that goes along with that name, but it completely describes Kolbie.

Kolbie is a very good friend. Her best buddy is Annie Smith, and they have been friends for almost their entire life (we have pictures of them playing as babies). Aly talks about when Kolbie was over when she was a baby, she dropped pancakes down to Annie from her high-chair. Annie and Kolbie are about as close as you can be without being sisters. Chuck and Aly joke about Kolbie being their oldest third child! We feel the same about Annie.

Kolbie is a great sister. She truly loves Chris and Kate with all her heart (even though she is yelling at them as I write this). She wants the best for them and even cries for them when they get their hearts broken. Sometimes she can be a little devil with Chris and Kate too. She does things to make them mad on purpose, then turns around with that little devil smile on her face. She knows what she's doing.

Kolbie is beautiful. Honestly, Kolbie was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. She was just beautiful!!!! The doctor and nurses even commented on how beautiful she was (one even told me that they're supposed to comment on how beautiful every baby is, but Kolbie was the most beautiful baby she's seen). Now that Kolbie is growing up she is still one of Gods most beautiful creations, in my opinion (along with Chris and Kate). Boy, that last line sure sounded corny, but it's true! Kolbie is my wild child when it comes to what she wears. But no matter how wild (ugly) her clothes can be she looks beautiful!

My favorite thing about Kolbie is she is always telling us she loves us. Every time she leaves the house she yells "I'm going to .....'s house. I love you Mom!!!" That makes me smile every time I hear it!!

Kolbie is so many of the things that I hope to be one day. I wish that I could tell someone I love them as easily as she does. I wish that I could smile as often as she does. I wish I could love the little things as well as Kolbie does. I wish that I could make friends the way Kolbie does. I wish that I was a happy as Kolbie is all the time.

Kolbie is the cement of our family, we all learn so much from her, and I can't imagine what life would be like if she weren't with us. Sometimes I get mad at her, and her room is NEVER clean, and she sneaks food downstairs when she shouldn't, and she tries to get out of being in trouble by batting those big beatiful eyes at us, and she blames everything on her brother, but she sure keeps us all going. I love Kolbie so much. She completes our family!!

Decisions

2008-06-30T10:21:00.001-06:00

There are so many different things that I could write about today, and many of those things are so hilarious you'd laugh till you cried (Aly -- I'm still working on that t-shirt), but I feel like being serious.

I have a very serious decision to make over the next few weeks, and I'm stumped. I could use some help.

As you know, I've been dealing with some really serious health issues lately. The biggest issue is that I've had so many kidney stones and surgeries and procedures to repair or retrieve stuck stones I have pretty serious nerve damage. Long story short: I feel like I'm having kidney stones all the time, when I'm not. I still have tons of stones in my kidney's, but they have taken up residence and decided to not move for the time being.

The problem that I have is that I'm in pain from this nerve damage all the time. My life is not my own. I have to take pain medication everyday. HOWEVER! I am happy to report that I don't take the maximum amount of the pill and I can't wait until I don't need them anymore.

The doctor thinks that it's time that we did what's called Spinal Cord Stimulation. Basically, they put an implant in that helps control the pain impulses sent to your brain. The doctor puts leads into the space between the spinal cord and the back bone to control the pain impulses from certain nerves. The leads are attached to a devise that is implanted under the skin. I would control the devise by remote control depending on how bad my pain is. I think the whole idea sounds like something that you'd see in a bad sci-fi film.

It's a 2 part procedure to get everything all done. During the first operation they place the leads but don't implant them under the skin. Yep. They'd be sticking right out my back. They'd stay that way for about 5 days, until I go into the dr office and they remove them. IF the leads seemed to help, then they would take me back to the OR (and another IV-- you'd think they wouldn't bother me by now, but they do) replace the leads and implant the device.

I just don't know how I feel about having an implant in my body. I'm only 34. I don' want this to keep limiting what I do. I want (and need) to go back to work, I need to get this situation under control, but I don't know if this is the right way for me to go. The idea of an implant and something inside my body creeps me out. I don't know how I feel about any of this.

There are things on my bucket list that I want to do, but I don't know if I'll be able to with an implant. Like run a marathon. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't know if I can give up certain things just yet.

If there's another way to get things under control I'd better find it FAST!

Devotion

2008-06-29T16:10:00.000-06:00

When I got home from church I turned on the TV and there was nothing on and soon found myself watching: A SOCCER GAME!!

You all know that I LOVE baseball and can tolerate football, but I really hate soccer. At least I thought I did.

I don't understand the rules and it was about as fun as watching paint dry until about three quarters of the way through the first half. The score was 1-0 for Spain and then: the captian for Germany got hurt. No bid deal right? Wrong. The poor guy was going to try and hit the ball with his head (I think this is called a header) and bonked heads with his opponinent and cut his head open. And again I ask: what's the big deal? Well, the big deal is: the guy was laying on the grass bleeding everywhere and the medical team came right out onto the field, and sewed his head up right there in the middle of everything. They didn't even stop playing!

Now, that's what I call sacraficing yourself for the game! No time out, no nothing!!! Everyone just went right on playing while the guy got 4 stitches in his head!! The only delay when when the ref (I think that's what they call them in soccer) ran by the guy and yelled at him he needed to go change his jersey because the one he had on had blood all over it! That's what I call devotion!

Just thought I'd share.

Lesson Learned

2008-06-27T14:11:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I was spending the afternoon watching the final game of the Baseball World Series between Fresno State and Georgia (Chris recorded it on our DVR) and Chris asked me: "Hey Mom? Why is it bad if people have sex with lots of people? I know that you tell us we shouldn't do that. And we learn that at church, but why?"

I was caught completely off guard by this question, so I took a deep breath counted to ten and answered the question the best that I could. I won't go into the specifics but Chris and I were able to have a very candid discussion about sex and why it's important to stay morally clean. The entire conversation lasted about 3 minutes and then we were back to betting on whether or not Gordon Beckham would play in Double A or Triple A next year.

Then, later that night, after Greg and the kids came home from visiting his Mom for her birthday Kate snuggled up to me and we chatted for about an hour. It was great! We laughed and joked and we even cried a little. Kate isn't one to really open up allot, but she did last night. She told me how she felt about her Grandma Kate, and what she thinks about her PaPa being very sick. She also told me how she feels about other family members and how things are going in our home. It was great to just listen.

I don't want to give the impression that we are always having these "learning and teaching moments" (funny thing, I'm supposed to be the one teaching and end up learning) all the time at our house, but they do happen.

The thing that I learned from my kids yesterday is that they talk when THEY are ready.

I was able to talk to Chris about some very grown up things, but he started the conversation. It wasn't a "...come sit down son, we need to talk..." situation. We were doing something he wanted to do and he felt comfortable asking (what could be) a difficult question. And I (hopefully) answered the question so he really heard me.

My time with Katie taught me allot too. She told me how she felt about so many things that I thought I already knew the answer to. She was honest about some things going on at home, and I really appreciate that. She also reminded me that she's still a little girl. She acts so grown up sometimes, I forget that she still needs me. I loved that she cuddled and talked to me. In fact, I fell asleep last night cuddling with both of my beautiful daughters.

I guess the moral of the story is: Kids will talk to you when they want to talk to you'd better be ready to listen.

Bridal and Baby Showers

2008-06-26T09:27:00.000-06:00

Greg's cousin is getting married next month, so there's a bridal shower for her this weekend. Greg's Mom called to talk to me about it.

First she asked:
Are you going to make it?

Answer: I'm not sure. Chris has two ball games and I don't know how I'll be feeling.

Reply: That's too bad.

Then she asked: Do you know what you want to do for a gift?

Reply: Honestly, I haven't even thought about it.

Mother in Law: Well, someone suggested that we do what I always give for Christmas.

Reply: silence -- I had no idea what so always gives for Christmas, I get a gift card to Barnes and Nobel that I am very happy with.

Mother in Law: You know. The box with all the office supplies in it.

Me: Light begins to dawn. I remember thinking that she knocked over the local Staples when I saw that gift opened up on Christmas morning.

Mother in Law: Jay also suggested that we get a laundry basket and put laundry soap and stuff in it.

Reply: That sounds good to me.

SIDEBAR: I really don't care for bridal (or baby) showers. I wasn't even all that excited for my own. I HATE feeling embarrassed. What I hate even more are all the "typical" everyday, goofy gifts. I've made it a policy to not give them. Look what happened next:

Mother in Law: What do you think? I would really appreciate your input.

Reply: I don't think you really want my input.

Mother in Law: Why? I really would appreciate it.

Reply: I usually give movie tickets and a gift card to dinner.

SILENCE!!!!!!!! For like 30 seconds!!!!

Mother in Law: Oh. My. Well... That certainly is different. Oh. I never would have thought of something like that. Oh. My.

Reply: That's just what I do, that doesn't mean that's what you have to do.

SILENCE!!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!FOR LIKE ANOTHER 30 SECONDS!!!!!!!!

Mother in Law: Wow. That's awesome, I guess.

My sweet mother in law gave me a great laugh! I know that I don't really fit in the mold of most things with Greg's family, but this is just hilarious. I know that there's probably some manners book out there about what is appropriate to give as shower gifts, but I've never been one to roll with the crowd.

I always tried to give couples something that most really don't have. The opportunity to go out to dinner and to the movies. I always felt that I would appreciate that more than a laundry basket, but that's just me.

I know that showers are part of our culture when people get married and give birth, but am I that wrong? And who, in the name of all that's holy came up with the idea of shower games? I mean really? Holding an ice cube with a plastic little baby in it is supposed to be fun? And the first one to melt all the ice wins? What's the skill in that? And the diaper game? EW!!! The whole idea is just disgusting! I know I've only mentioned baby shower games so... Has anyone heard of the M&M game? I really don't think it's anyone else's business how often you and your spouse have sex. And what's the idea of all those stupid kitchen utensils your supposed to memorize? The showers that are fun to go to are personal showers for your friends -- preferably ones that their mother and future mother in law are NOT invited.

Anyway, that's just how I feel about showers. I'm sure I'm wrong. I know it's all supposed to be fun. But really it's not. I do go to showers for close personal friends and close family members. And if I don't go (like this weekend) I usually send weird gifts, like movie tickets and gift cards.

For baby showers I give movie tickets, a gift card for dinner, $20 bucks for a babysitter, and ear plugs. Now THAT'S a useful gift!

By the way, I never win any of the prizes given at showers. Can you tell?

Movies and DVD's

2008-06-25T09:40:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, my son spent some time with his friends watching DVD's. He is now begging me to either rent on my Netflix account or buy the DVD Space Balls. He is still laughing at all the supid humor of that movie. I guess this brings me to the topic of DVD's.

A couple of days ago I starting watching the Band Of Brothers series. I'm seriously hooked. Infact, I've already begun watching the mailbox because the next installment is supposed to show up today. I get 2 DVD's at a time and I'm also expecting the first disc in Starter Wife. I have to get a comedy to go with something so serious.

I'm a big fan of Word War II stuff. I know it sounds morbid. I have my Grandfathers Army Jacket hanging in my closet. I want to frame it and hang it in our family room. I love reading books and watching movies (obviously) about WWII. Greg thinks I'm morbid.

My Dad has a saying when it comes to movies. When asked if he like a movie he says:"...well, it didn't change my life." That's Dad. But I think that movies have the ability to maybe change our perspective. I'm not saying that every movie I've watched is a life changing experience (like I've said before sometimes you just need to turn off your brain and be entertained) but some movies can have an impact. Here are a few for me: Saving Private Ryan, Shindlers List, and Hotel Rwanda. I know, I know, all of these movies are rated R, but ALL of my children will watch them with me long before they're 18. Band of Brothers and many others are on this list as well.

Anyway, getting to the lighter side of the subject. Watching movies and DVD's has become a huge part of our culture, and a right of passage for many. Do you have a friend that can quote most of Monte Python and the Holy Grail? I do. Who remembers the first time they saw Steel Magnolias and cried for an hour? I do. Who did you see E.T with for the first time. How many of you saw Ghost on a first date and wished that pottery wheel would just blow up? Did you stand in line to see Harry Potter?

Allot of us even plan our lives around the release of certain movies. For me, I'm going to try to get my husband to take me to see "Wanted" this weekend. James McAvoy is one of my favoirte actors. An action flick is a little off the beaten path for him, but I've got to see it. I'm already planning my trip to see "Twilight".

I love going to the movies. Infact, I've been known to just go by myself. Greg makes so much fun of me because of this, but I always tell him that going to the movies isn't exactley an interactive experience. Which is why I never really like going to the movies when I first started dating someone. To complicate matters, my husband HATES going to the movies. He's turned into his father by saying: "...there's too many people..."

I don't think he's forgiven me for taking him to see Sex and the City, even though we watched the TV show together. When we got our seats, I ran to the restroom, because I wasn't going to miss one second of that show, and the 3 women that sat behind us started talking to Greg. He thought that they were hitting on him untill I reminded him that they probably thought that he was my gay best friend.

Anyway, love 'em or hate 'em movies have become a huge part of pop culture. Some movies I hate, and fell that their existence on this planet is offensive, but others I couldn't live without. I can't even name my top ten, I guess it would depend on the genre. Here's a list of a few:

Atonement, Anything James Bond (I love Daniel Craig as the new Bond), all of the Bourne Movies, Star Wars (all six), While You Were Sleeping, Bridgette Jones (I and II) White Christmas (I watch this all year), Singin' In The Rain, Band of Brothers, Notting Hill, Princess Diaries (I & II), Hotel Rwanda, Saving Private Ryan, Shindlers List.

The list goes on and on and on.

"My Love Handles Broke Up With Me Today"

2008-06-18T10:30:00.000-06:00

Funny story!:

When Chris got home from baseball practice on Monday, he walked in the door and yelled:

"Hey Mom!! I think my love handles broke up with me today!"

Me: "What?"

Chris: "I think my love handles broke up with me and are movin out today!"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Chris: "Well, they (the coaches) ran us so hard today, I think my love handles broke up with me and are movin out. And I don't think they'll ever move back in."

Me: "They ran you that hard?"

Chris: "Oh yeah. They ran us so hard Peter threw-up. It was awesome!"

Me: "You know that they could run you so hard tomorrow that you could be the one throwing up?"

Chris: "That would be so awesome!"

I think my son's perspective is a little off. What really matters most is that he's having the time of his life!!! He truly loves to play baseball, and he worships his coaches. Roger Jr., Johnnie, Travis, Don, and Popi thanks so much for all your hard work.

This story makes me laugh every time I think about it. Greg just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. But Chris has been smiling non-stop (except when he's yelling at his sisters) since practices started on Monday. He's so happy, and that makes me happy

Playin' Polly Pockets, Makin' the All-Star Team, and Goin' to a Bees Game!

2008-06-17T12:24:00.000-06:00

I've decided that I need to spend more time with my kids so when Kolbie asked me if I wanted to play Polly Pockets I couldn't refuse. I spent the next hour on the floor in the family room with Kolbie and her Polly Pockets. I have very few memories playing with toys (or doing anything else) as a child, so I didn't really know what to do but Kolbie was a great teacher. We talked about what outfits Polly looked best in, and what was "bad" fashion. I asked Kolbie why she liked playing with Polly Pockets, and she said "I like playing with my friends, but this time I like Polly Pockets because I'm playing them with you Mom." Wow! Since being sick, I've spent a lot of time looking back. Wishing I had done something else, or been someone else, but I'm sick of it!! Obviously Kolbie wasn't wishing that I was anyone different. She accepts me even though sometimes I'm not the best mom. You know what? Kolbie tells me all the time that I'm the best mom ever. I never believe her because of my insecurities, but maybe I'm just what she (and the rest of my wonderful family) needs.

Last Saturday was closing ceremonies for Chris' baseball league. He was very, very nervous. Last year, despite his best efforts (he had a pretty significant slump towards the end of the season) he didn't make the All-Star team. This was a first for Chris. He was heart-broken, and as his Mom I was mad. But that was a year ago. Greg and I had known for about 3 weeks that Chris had made the team, but we decided to not tell him. We wanted him to find out at closing ceremonies. When they announced the team, I loved that huge smile he had on his face. He's so proud of that cheap trophy. But the best part was after closing ceremonies. It was announced that there would be a meeting for players and parents. I told the girls to stay up on the bleachers, and I went out on the field for the meeting. I walked up to Chris and gave him a big hug and told him how proud I was of him. I turned around when I heard some yelling behind me. The sound was my girls running, full steam ahead, toward Chris yelling: "YOU MADE IT, YOU MADE IT, YOU MADE IT!!! WAY TO GO!! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!" The girls came running the jumped into Chris' arms. Watching that, both Greg and I got a little teary. Greg and I have been criticized about how much time we spend at the ball park, but let me tell you something: We have spent allot of time at the ball park. As a family. During that time, my kids have become each others biggest fan. They console each other when something doesn't go right, and cheer for each other when things are good. Chris went and cheered for his sisters, just like the girls cheered for him. That time spent at the ball field is happy time, with a few exceptions that revolved around one or two individuals. I love the memories and friends that we've made at the ball park (either baseball or softball). Watching that on Saturday showed me that my kids love it as much as I do!

I asked Greg what he wanted for Fathers Day, and he would always tell me nothing. Until he announced that for Fathers Day he wanted to go to the Bees game as a family. We all thought that sounded great, so we got tickets and headed to Franklin Covey Field last Saturday evening. We all had a great time!!! We ate nachos, churros, ice cream, popcorn, burritos (Greg had a burrito! At a ball game! I'm a purist! Burritos at a ball game? Come on!) and drank soda. We cheer and argued about calls. There were some amazing hits, and amazing plays (there was one at the plate that was pretty great), and we had an amazing time. We watched fireworks and the kids ran the bases. Greg got obsessed with what the grounds crew was doing, and learned he needed to listen to his wife more, she's very wise. And I sat and watched it all, completely amazed with my family. We got home late, and missed Sacrament Meeting, but we had a great time!

I sometimes don't thank God enough for my little family, but I adore them all. They give meaning to my life and who I am. I don't mind being known as Greg's wife and Chris, Kate and Kolbie's mom (but I do need to be acknowledged for my own accomplishments sometimes). I thank God for the blessing of my family. I must have done something right sometime in my existence to deserve them. As the kids grow up, I sometimes wish I could go back and do some things different (I'm told that this is normal) but I love the age they are right now. The evil monster call "TEENAGE DRAMA" is starting to show up more frequently now, but that's okay. We'll work through whatever he dishes out. I guess the point of this blog is: I ABSOLUTELY ADORE MY FAMILY!!! My sexy husband, and my beautiful, smart, funny, amazing kids!!

Greetings!

2008-06-12T15:46:00.001-06:00

Greetings!!

My last posted caused a mild uproar with my friends and family (my mom was really upset), but it wasn't about my post. It was about a anonymous comment left on my blog. I was very hurt by many of the things that were in that comment but, I know that the person who wrote it (who ever they are) did not mean to be hurtful. One night was I was talking to Greg about it, he said to only focus on the good. He said that there are thing in that comment that are hurtful, but there are somethings in there that aren't. Focus on those.

To be honest that just made me even more upset. But it also got me thinking. I am limited by my health right now but things do go better when you look outside yourself. Yesterday was Kolbie's 8th birthday. I decided when I woke up that I was going to do the best I could to make that day special for Kolbie. I cleaned, and baked a birthday cake, and made Kolbie's favorite dinner. Things didn't go perfectly, dinner was ready about 10 minutes before the family showed up for her birthday party. She and her best buddy had to eat most of their dinner about 9pm, but they didn't care. The house wasn't perfect, but it was fine. Everything went well and most important KOLBIE HAD A GREAT TIME!!! Today I feel like I've been hit by a truck and haven't gotten a thing done, but I don't really care. I did over do it a bit, but Kolbie was happy.

Something else I've learned was: when you need help sometimes you just have to ask! The relief society president for my ward read my blog and then showed up at my house and started to get things organized for some help. The next day 5 beautiful women in my ward showed up and cleaned my house. That was difficult for me, but I just had to let go and stop worrying. They did a great job, and cleaned my house. My mom and sister showed up on Saturday and straightened up my house again, and my mom took all of our laundry home and came back the next day with every thing washed and folded and ready to be put away. I cannot even tell you how much those women all helped me. From bringing in dinner to washing the toilet, they were all miracle workers!! Thank you so much. This taught me that we sometimes think that our bishop or relief society president, or home and visiting teachers would just know that we need help. Sometimes the spirit does direct someone to help another, but not always. Sometimes you have to be humble enough to ask for help and then be gracious enough to accept it.

Anyway, it's been a roller-coaster the last week or so. My procedure for my back didn't help, so I'm going back in to see my doctor in about a week and a half. We'll see what happens. I'm scared of what the next step is to get me healthy again, but I'll just have to wait and see. Thank you so much to everyone who helped us out and is still helping us out. Every time you help us, your a miracle to me and my family. Thank you!

About that post: ALL FUTURE ANONYMOUS COMMENTS WILL BE DISREGARDED AND DELETED. I really don't mind what people write, but at least have the guts to put your name on it!

How I Really Am!

2008-06-03T21:32:00.000-06:00

Today was one of those days that we all hate, nothing goes right and things get rough.

I've been in so much pain lately I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in I don't know how long, so I spent the night tossing and turning. I also woke up about every 30 minutes, I finally fell into a deeper sleep about 4:30. But we had to wake up early so Greg and I could take Chris to the doctor.

The high point of the day was that Greg took the day off to drive me all over the valley.

We dropped Chris off at school, and went home for a little while. I took a much needed nap. Then we were off to another doctors appointment, this time for me.

SIDENOTE: About a month ago I got a letter from the Department of Public Safety, saying that I needed to get my doctor to sign off so I wouldn't lose my drivers license. This really upset me, because if you know me, you know that I haven't been driving because of the medication that the doctor has me taking.

Well, I went to my first doctors appointment, so that my family doctor could sign-off on his portion of the ever important form the government sent me. I haven't seen this doctor for a few months and had to get him up to speed on my circumstances. He, of course, was very concerned about me taking pain medication. We talked about this. For those of you who don't know, I've struggled with addiction to pain medication. We informed him of the things that we do to prevent me from relapsing, and he was very happy with our decisions.

We left his office we stopped at my favorite stitching store so I could get a few supplies to complete my current project -- a Haunted House.

Then we went to the office of my pain doctor. I was just going to drop of the form that he needs to sign, but asked if he could fit us in because I needed an adjustment of my medication, he had time and this is where the day went down the toilet. Greg had never met Dr. Talbott and him talked for a while about my circumstances, sometimes I felt like they forgot that I was sitting there next to them. The main thing that we discussed was my medication. To be clear: I have severe chronic pain. The theory is that all my kidney stones, and all the procedures to remove them caused nerve damage in my back, I am always in allot of pain. The doctor had some concerns about my meds. He asked me how I felt about things and then it all came out. I started crying. I hate that!! When you start to cry and you don't want to cry because you'll look like an idiot, and you do anything you can to not cry, but you do anyway. I just couldn't hold it in any more. People ask me every day how I'm doing, and I always say the same thing: I'm doing okay. NEWSFLASH: I'm not doing okay. I'm alone all the time. My house is a mess and my laundry is getting behind again, because I'm in so much pain that if I do clean my house I'll be down in bed for at least 2 days. I'm alone all the time. I have to rely on other people to help me get my kids where they need to be (ball practice and games). My husband is killing himself trying to get as much done as he can. I feel ignored by most of the people around me, my friends, my ward, and my family. I firmly believe that when Greg looks at me now, all he sees is a problem, not a friend. I can't sleep and I'm depressed. I'm terrified of the procedures the doctor has to do to try and get this under control, (if this procedure doesn't work on Friday the next procedure down the line almost makes me pass out when I think about it) but I don't have any other option. I'm scared to go back to work, because I don't know if I can do my job anymore. I'm scared to stop taking these meds because of the withdrawals that come with it. Basically: I am scared. I don't know what to do or even who to ask for help. I'm depressed and lonely.

Well that's it folks! That's how I really am. For once I would love to be able to answer honestly the question: How are you? But if I did that I'd feel even more alone because then NO ONE would want to talk to me AT ALL!!!

Guess what the doctor suggested I do? I have an appointment with the therapist that's associated with his practice. Are you surprised because I'm not.

An Unusual Day At The Ball Park

2008-05-31T15:53:00.000-06:00

Today we were at the ballpark (as usual) Chris did pretty well, he had fun so that's all that really matters. In between innings, the umpire Ken started to not feel good. His face turned gray (I never thought that could happen but it did) and he started to complain about having chest pain. 911 was called immediately. Ken told us that he was having really bad chest pain that was radiating down his arm. Things got really scary at that point. I called his wife and told her to come down to the field immediately, that was weird, I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want to freak her out more than necessary. The phone call went like this:

Me: Hi Lisa, this is Jill from Kearns Pony.

Her: Hi Jill how are ya?

Me: I'm fine, but Lisa we need you to come down here right now.

Her: Is it Ken?

Me: Yes.

Her: Did you need to call an ambulance?

Me: It's on it's way.

Her: I'm still in my pajamas, I'll need to get dressed.

Me; Lisa, we need you hear fast, okay?

Let me clarify something, before I made this phone call I asked Ken what he thought was happening. He said that he thought he was having a heart attack. When I went to call her I didn't know what to say, but I knew that telling her that her husband was having a heart attack over the phone was probably not a great idea.

Before the paramedics got there, Ken asked if someone could give him a blessing. I ran to get the oil that Greg keeps on his key chain, and Ken got his blessing. The paramedics showed up and started to take care of him. I have never been so happy to see emergency personnel. I went and stood in the parking lot waiting for Lisa. She pulled in and jumped out of her car and asked what happened? I told her that Ken thought he was having a heart attack, and all the color drained out of her face, and she ran off to Ken. Well, the paramedics started taking care of him, and they were off to the hospital.

I finish watching the game, but had a hard time concentrating. Later, Brandon (Ken's son) called to give Greg an update on how things were going. He told Greg that Ken did have a small heart attack at the field, but when he got to the hospital he had a major heart attack and had to be resuscitated, and he was on his way to surgery. Wow, what a day. I pray that Ken will pull through just fine.

Tag: My Bucket List

2008-05-26T16:21:00.000-06:00

I've been tagged by my husband to name five things on my bucket list.

1. I would like to visit every American Temple. I know that it sounds weird, it's the same everywhere you go, but I think it would be amazing!!

2. I would like to see a Notre Dame football home game. No I'm not a fan, but I always watch at least 1 home game a year and it looks amazing, and sooooo much fun.

3. I would like to take a trip with my entire family. As you all know my Dad is very sick. I would love it if we could all go to Mexico or on a cruise. That would be so much fun.

4. I would like to go to Europe. I want to see the Eiffel Tower, The Mona Lisa, concentration camps, cathedrals, England, Ireland, Scotland I would love to see it all.

5. I would like to run a marathon. Don't laugh!

It's so hard to narrow things down to five!! I would also like to see a ballgame in every big league park and go to the hall of fame. I want to go on a trip that my kids decided where we're going and what we're doing. I want my home and my yard to be what I see in my head. I want to have girlfriends, that I take trips with and talk to and do things with all the time. I want to donate bone marrow, and make a difference with organ donation (since my dad needs a new liver I see this subject in a whole new light). For me, my list goes on and on and on but I'm sure it's that way for everyone.

I tag Aly, Betsy, Carin, Jennie, and Steph. Be sure to pass it on!!

P.S. Is anyone looking for a training partner for a marathon? I should be ready to start to train in a few weeks, so if your interested, give me a call!!!

A Night With Friends and Indiana Jones

2008-05-24T11:08:00.000-06:00

Last night Greg and I went out to dinner and to see the new Indiana Jones flick with about 14 of our friends and neighbors. We had a great time!!!

Being my fathers child, I was raised on Star Wars, James Bond (when I got older), Star Trek (I could only tolerate The Next Generation, and the movies), and Indiana Jones. So my hopes were high. I liked the movie. Greg said that it was a bit far-fetched (it kind of is). But when I reminded him that in the last installment Indi located the cup that Christ used to perform the sacrament at the last supper. We decided that ALL Indiana Jones movies are far-fetched. All I'll tell you is that you meet one or two new characters, and one or two return from Indi's past. I really enjoyed the movie, but it's defiantly a movie that you have to turn your brain off at the door.

I really needed to get out last night and be with friends. Being "sick" (I'm really in ALLOT of pain) I'm always alone. The kids are in school, and Greg is at work. The evenings are spent trying to keep things under control at home. And since I'm not driving, I don't go anywhere!! So being with friends, laughing and eating really lifted my spirits. So thanks Carin and Aly for remembering us, I really need to get out with friends. The only problem, is that when we left the movie, I was in a huge amount of pain. I came home and went to bed and had a hard time falling asleep and today, I'm really hurting. But to be honest, I don't really care. The only downside right now is that Greg and the kids have gone up to the shop, and they're going to the Blaze game tonight. I think, scratch that, I KNOW that would be too much for me.

One funny thing that happened last night: Greg has been obsessed with how old he's getting. I always tell him to get real, I believe, getting old is happening later in life. He tells me I'm nuts, but Greg is only 4 years older than me, so he can't be old. Right? Anyway, we got home, and fell into bed. I looked over at the clock, and it was only slightly past midnight, and I started to laugh. Greg asked me what was so funny. I asked him if he remembers when we were younger and could hang out with our friends until 2 or 3 in the morning, and then get up and have a full day of things to do? He said he did, then we both decided that those days are over!! He told me, that WE are both getting old, then he fell asleep. I nudged him awake and asked him if he missed those days (because I sure do) and he said "of course" then fell asleep. I guess I might be old,when I start talking about the "good ole days", but not really. Right?

A Stand-Up Double and an RBI

2008-05-22T11:09:00.000-06:00

Last night was a big night for Katie. She played her last softball game for this season. I was sad, even though I froze 90% of the time, while watching her games.

Katie really hit the jack-pot this season. Her coaches Lindsey Powell and her dad Rob Powell were amazing. When ever you sign a kid up to play sports, it's a real crap shoot. Will she get a good coach? Will she have fun? Will this be a positive experience? Will the coach yell at her? Side note:This is a question that you usually don't think about. According to my husband playing sports and getting yelled at is part of boys playing sports. I think that's a load of crap, but what do I know? Will she want to do this again?

For Katie she had an amazing coach, she had a blast, it was a positive experience, the coach didn't yell at her (other than to tell her she did something amazing) and yes, she wants to play again. One of the best parts of parenthood is watching your child grow up. Unfortunately, this is also the scariest part of parenthood.

Kate played baseball last year with all the boys and had a good time. She wanted to play baseball again, but Greg and I felt it was time for her to move on. We wanted here to be one of the many (girl playing girls softball) and not one of the few (being one of the 3 girls playing in the baseball league). And luckily, we made a good decision.

She wasn't on the first place team, but her coaches really taught those girls the fundamentals of how to play the game. So many times coaches forget that the ultimate goal is not to be in first place, but the teach these kids the game, and make them lifelong fans, and most important: to let those kids have fun. Katie improved her game, and her confidence.

Her coaches let her pitch she had never done that before, she'd been practicing all season, and they gave her a chance. She still has a way to go, but that helped her confidence so much. I am so proud of her!! I have heard "....that's nice Mom, but Lindsey and Rob said I should...." so many times over the last few weeks I almost went crazy. There was allot of hero worship going on.

Sadly, last night was her last game. She got a stand-up double (which could have been a triple, if she hadn't stopped running for a few seconds between first and second, but who cares?) and an RBI at her last at bat. She played right field, and catcher (which she loves) and had a great game! I'm so proud of her!!! One of my favorite things to do is watch my kids do things they love, and have fun doing it. And this season, thanks to some great coaches, great cheerleaders in the stands (I hope), and a great attitude, I had a great time. In fact, I think the only person who had more fun than me, was Katie. She's already talking about fall ball.

p.s. She was the biggest cheerleader, by leading all those dorky cheers that softball players yell during THE ENTIRE GAME!!!

Cool Hot Dogs, and Looking "Hot"

2008-05-20T12:31:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Chris came home from school and announced we needed to buy him some hot dogs and hot dog buns for school, they were going to have a solar BBQ at school. I told Chris to call his Dad and ask him to stop and buy the stuff he needed. A few minutes later he came back down stairs, I asked him if he'd called his dad. Chris informed me that he asked Greg to take him to the store. Greg came home from work and within 15 minutes Chris and his Dad were off to Walmart. I asked Greg to look at getting Chris some shorts (this really shocked him--and me--since I'm what Greg calls a Walmart snob. I hate that place, but desperate times...)

When they got home, Chris went directly to his room to try on his 2 pairs of new shorts. I went upstairs to put away groceries, and really didn't think too much of it until about 20 minutes later, when I was back downstairs (it was too hot to stay upstairs). Chris came and modeled his new clothes, and stated that he looked "hot". I didn't like that too much, the kid is only 12!! I asked Chris if he got everything he needed for the solar BBQ. He said that he did, then I had a thought and had to ask:

Me: Why did you have to pick out the hot dogs?

Chris: I just did.

Me: Why?

Chris: Because.

As you can tell, at this point Chris wasn't talking much.

Me: Because why? Isn't a hot dog just a hot dog?

Chris: sighing and rolling his eyes. No it's not, but I'm really excited to go to school tomorrow.

Me: Why are you excited to go to school tomorrow?

Chris: I look hot in my new clothes, and I have all the "right" stuff for the solar BBQ.

Me: What do you mean "all the right stuff"?

Chris: These are the nicer hot dogs, and my clothes make me look hot.

Me: Chris go to bed, your giving me a headache.

Since when has there been cool hot dogs? I must have missed the boat on that one! And why is my 12 year old calling himself "hot"? Isn't he too young for all that? When did all this happen? I went to bed feeling very, very old.

My Mom Is No June Cleaver - And I'm So Glad!!!

2008-05-10T23:32:00.000-06:00

With Mothers Day upon us, I would like to tell you all about my wonderful mother.

My Mom's name is Barbara Lynn. She graduated from Kearns High School. She met my dad at a Singles Ward! My parents have been married for 37 years this August. My mom has 4 children. My mom is from a small town. My Mom works for the State, and her job has something to do with teacher certification. My Mom lives by Cottonwood High School. My Mom loves my Dad very, very much. My Mom loves her children very, very much.

That's the basics, now let me tell you about my mom.

My Mom has worked my entire life. She said that after she had me (I'm the oldest) she even had to send me to daycare as a baby because Dad was trying to get through school. This is something that my mom has hated about her life. Mom always wanted to stay home with us, but was never able to. I think that this will be one of my Moms biggest regrets, this makes me sad. I know that my Mom never went to work so we could buy a boat, a bigger house, or a cooler car.

For a long time when I was growing up, my parents worked opposite shifts. Mom would work days, Dad would work nights. So, after work my Mom would race home to pick us up from daycare, and run home to start dinner and homework, she never thought she could help us--she said that she wasn't smart enough--but she is very smart. She smart enough to help us with long division, how to diagram sentences, she knew all the tricks to help us remember dates and people for history. But my Mom is really smart in all the things that matter the most. I know that you must think that I'm painting a picture of happiness and ease where everyone is happy, healthy, clean, and the house is spotless. That's not how it was. There were fights among the kids, and when I got to be about 12 there were fights between me and my Mom. We usually ate dinner about 8:30pm, and allot of the time homework didn't get finished.

For as long as I can remember, Mom's life has been about everyone else. Although, she has been known to stay in bed and watch "You've Got Mail" a few thousand times.

Right now, she's dealing with my Dad being sick. Dad's been sick for about the last 2 years, and things aren't going to be getting much better for a while. Dad has a liver disease, and he needs a transplant. The amount of pills that dad has to take everyday is astounding. Mom takes Dad to all of his doctors appointments. She recently went to Florida to a conference all about Dad's disease, so she could take better care of him, and learn about his disease. My Dad is still alive, but he's not himself anymore. My Mom and Dad have always had a strong partnership, and suddenly Mom is forced to make all the decisions on her own. My Mom is scared and frustrated. When Dad got sick, one of my biggest worries was how would Mom handle it. I think the strength Mom has shown over the last couple of years has surprised even her. My Mom is one tough cookie. To me, Mom is teaching me through her experience, how you can face the biggest and scariest trials of your life with grace. Mom's not always strong, she has her times that she cries, and asks why. But pulls through day after day.

In my last post, the was a real pity party (sorry, I really didn't notice until I read it today) I was told by some friends in my comments that: there are things that my kids need, and I'm the only one in the world that could give them to my kids. I feel that way about my Mom.

My Mom is not June Cleaver. Our house was never spotless, it had that "lived in look". Browned ground beef, peeled and cubed potatoes, onions and water is not soup and (I think) could be child abuse. The laundry was hardly ever completely caught up. Eating dinner at 7:30 was early. But Mom, to me is perfect the way that she is. She's nutty and hilariously uptight about some things.

My Mom is no June Cleaver, and I am so glad.

I love you Mom!!!!!!!

Mothers Day

2008-05-08T23:32:00.000-06:00

So, Mothers Day is coming up this Sunday, and I still don't know what to do for my Mom, or Greg's Mom. I'm sure that we'll figure something out by Sunday. Anyway, my Mom has always hated Mothers Day. She hates it so much, she has been known to stay home from church because "...I don't want to go and hear how wonderful everyone else's mothers are. I hate feeling like a failure!" As a kid I started to hate mothers day, because of how my Mom felt about it. As a Mom, I can understand why she hates it so much. I had to speak in church on Mothers Day last year and I said: I don't want this talk to make all the mothers here want to throw themselves into on coming traffic on I-15.

A couple of nights ago, I told Greg that I don't want him or the kids to get me anything for Mothers Day. Greg got mad at me and told me that I do this every year, and he hates it! And it's too late, he already has my gift. I don't really think he understood why I feel this way. Being sick for the last few months, I'm not doing anything that I should be thanked for. I get up and try to help the kids get ready for school, but other than doing Kolbie's hair, they can pretty much take care of themselves. By the time that they get home, I'm feeling so crappy that I'm useless. I can't even drive my kids to their practices and games. Greg makes dinner, does the laundry, and helps with homework. I think that maybe we should buy Greg a gift for Mothers Day since he's being both Dad and Mom lately.

I've never felt like I've been a good Mom. As a kid, I didn't think I wanted children. I hated babysitting, and I have a hard time with other peoples children. Most of the time I just feel uncomfortable around kids. But when I had Chris, I feel in love. I truly love all of my kids. I think that they are amazing. I carry allot of guilt about the kind of Mother I am. I have a friend, that I am so jealous of, she's the kind of Mom that I always hoped I'd be. Everything, and I do mean everything in her life revolves around her kids. I am the most selfish person I know. But I try hard. I think that we are blessed for our attempts as much as our successes. I don't know, maybe all moms feel like they don't measure up.

Anyway, I'm really not looking forward to Mothers Day this year. I don't feel like I deserve a gift this year. I wish we could just forget the whole thing. I recently told my Dad how I felt about Mothers Day. He says that just the fact that I'm here is enough. He said: You talk to your kids, you answer questions, you read with Kolbie, you make sure they do their chores, and your at almost all of their ball games. You don't get up and move around allot, but you sure do cheer loud. That's enough, the kids know that your sick. I know that I'm there for my kids to help them with as much as I can, but is that really enough?

Kidney Stones

2008-05-03T16:17:00.000-06:00

Greg and the kids just left to go to the Zoo, and I'm feeling a little down in the dumps. For those of you who don't know my situation, I've had 3 surgeries in the last two and a half months. Same old stuff: kidney stones. My doctor went in and got as many kidney stones out of my kidney's as possible. He said that he removed between 8-12 stones out of my right kidney, and 6-8 out of my left kidney. The other surgery was for a stone, that got loose and caused a complete blockage in my ureter. All in all, it's been a crappy few months.

Now I'm on disability from work. I am still experiencing SEVERE pain in my back, that sure feels like kidney stone pain. The only problem is, I don't have anything in my kidney that would cause me this much pain. The official diagnosis is that I am experiencing nerve pain. My doctors nurse infomed me that "...nerve pain can be very, very painful." Really? Gee, thanks for the update. I have to be on pain medication which for me, is very scarey. I am going in on Friday to get a nerve block, and I'm terrified!!!

Like I said, the last few months have been really crappy. I can't work. And I really do miss going in to work! I can't clean or do laundry. That sounds much better than it really is. I feel so bad that Greg goes to work all day, everyday, and then has to come home and clean the house and do laundry. I can't drive at all, so I have to beg for rides to get myself where I need to go, but what makes that really bad, is that I can't drive my kids to where they need to be. I feel like such a loser mom because I have to have someone else get my kids to where they need to go. I'm so paranoid that people will think that I'm a bad mom. I really shouldn't care what people think of me. The only places I go are to my doctor appointments, and to sit on my butt and watch my kids play ball (which is the best thing ever!! I love to watch my kids play ball, it's my favorite thing!!!)

But the worst thing is, I'm alone ALL THE TIME!!! The kids get up and go to school, when they come home, they eat something, and then are off to practice, games, or out to play for a few minutes. I don't blame my kids, they want to do kid stuff, but being alone all the time really sucks!! Like today for instance, Greg had to drive me and the girls to their games an hour and a half early, because he had to umpire a ball game, that really wasn't bad at all, because Kolbie and I got to hang out the whole morning. I watched my girls play softball (which I love) Greg and Chris caught the end of Katie's game and all of Kolbie's game. We stopped and got something to eat on the way home. We were going to have a family activity, but the kids wanted to go to Hollywood Connection, but I just don't feel healthy enough to do something like that. So, we were talking about going to see "Horton Hears A Who", but the kids really weren't intrested. Then Greg's Mom calls and invites us to go to the Zoo with her, Greg's sisters and their families. The zoo was something that I definatley couldn't handle, but the kids didn't want to go to the movies, so they decided to go to the Zoo, and I'm home alone, again. I could tell that Greg felt bad. The minute they made the decision to go, I was really down in the dumps. I'm angry, very, very angry, but not at my family or anyone else. I'm angry with this entire situation. I want to be working, driving, having fun with my family.

I really want to not be on these medications anymore. For those of you who don't know, I struggle with an addiction to these kinds of medications. My doctors know, and my family is very supportive, but this really isn't a battle that they can fight for me. I am in pain, severe pain, and for me right now, those pills are necessary, but I feel like I'm "dancing with the devil". I'll talk more about my story at another time, but I'm sure sick of all of this. I'm not asking for anything unusual. I want to go to work, drive, spend time doing things with my kids, my husband, the rest of my family, and my friends.

One thing that I have learned is: I've stopped asking why me? So many people tell me that they are so sorry that I have to deal with this, it sounds horrible, they say. And you know what? It is horrible, but I feel lucky. I have kidney stones, not cancer. Right now, my Dad is dealing with a truly awful disease. He's going to need a new liver to get better. The side effects of his medication alone makes me cry. Having kidney stones is terrible. It's painful and scarey. But my kidney are functioning, and chances are, having chronic kidney stones won't kill me. Kidney stones aren't fun, but it could be so much worse.

A Mildly Amusing Story

2008-04-23T11:54:00.001-06:00

Monday morning I went to my legalized torture appointment (physical therapy) and something happened that shocked me and made my husband laugh hysterically. Here's the story:

My physical therapy office shares equipment with Golds Gym. So I was out in the gym lifting some weights listening to Billy Joel on my ipod, when a semi-attractive man walks up to me, and starts talking. Somewhat annoyed I pulled out one of my ear-buds.

NOTE TO ALL THOSE WHO GO TO THE GYM REGULARLY: when you start talking to someone and they pull out only 1 of their ear buds, it means that they really don't want to talk to you and are just being nice. Unless the ipod is turned off, or both ear buds are removed keep your comments short, because we're really not listening anyway, and are hoping you'll just shut-up.

Back to my story. So this semi-attractive man is talking, and talking, and talking, and talking. Finally I have to turn off my ipod because he starts asking me questions. He finally asked a question that pretty much stopped the entire conversation dead in its tracks. Can I get your number? To say that I was shocked would be the understatement of the century. I had just "celebrated" my 34th birthday the week before (the term celebrate is used loosely). I hadn't done my hair or put on any make-up. I wasn't wearing nice clothes. I was wearing my glasses. And finally, I'm a person who feels like she never really grew out of the "ugly duckling" stage that we all must endure.

SIDE NOTE: If you don't believe in the ugly duckling stage, go look at pictures of Chelsea Clinton 15 years ago, then we'll talk.

When I told the man that I didn't think my husband and kids would appreciate me giving out my number, the gentleman apologized and told me to have a nice day. As he walked away, I was wondering, "did that really happen"? I debated with myself about whether or not it did happen for the next hour. When I finally decided that it did happen I was feeling pretty dang good!! So guess what I did? I did what most "normal" (again, the term is used loosely) woman would do and told a girlfriend and called my husband!!!

My friend said: Wow!! That's so cool! When that used to happen to me, it would sure make me feel good about my self. When I replied that I felt great, she said, well it also gave me a big head. That took the wind out of my sails a bit.

And then I called Greg, and you know what he did? He laughed. Hysterically. I personally don't see what's so funny about the situation. I would categorize it as a mildly amusing story, not down right hysterical. When Greg finally got himself together I reminded him, in no uncertain terms that, "...he should feel lucky that the woman that he's been with for 16 YEARS could have an experience like that." Then I hung up the phone. It's now Wednesday, and he started laughing again when I told him I had another appointment for legalized torture. He even told me to tell my boyfriend hi. He's funny, very, very funny. I went to my appointment early so that I wouldn't see the guy. I didn't and I'm so glad.

I've been told by single friends that the gym is a great place to meet somebody. Personally, I don't see how. When I go to the gym, I generally haven't showered before, I'm not wearing anything nice, in fact I'm usually wearing my ugliest, oldest clothes. I also wear my glasses, and I think that you'd have to be David Beckham or Carrie Underwood to even be considered "looking good" while you work out. But like I said, I'm 34 and have been with my husband for 16 years, so what do I know?

NOTE TO ALL MEN WHO GO TO THE GYM REGULARLY: The only time that a speedo is appropriate is if your qualifying for or participating in the Olympics. Unless you are going to participate in those events, please wear NORMAL swim trunks. Two overweight men came out of the sauna while I was in the pool, and I'm still sick to my stomach!!! So on behalf of people everywhere: YOU ARE MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF, AND MAKING EVERYONE ELSE SICK!!!!!!!!!! SO WEAR NORMAL SWIM TRUCKS! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!