The Miracle Of The Moment

It's almost 1am and I'm sitting here at my computer trying not to cry.

In a few short hours Katie is going to girls camp for the first time. She is so excited, which makes me happy. She says no thanks everytime I tell her that she can stay home with me, which makes me happy and sad. For the record, I had a great time at girls camp. I loved every minute of it, with the exception of 1 day the first year that I went. But that's a story for another day.

When I write posts, I try to be funny and light-hearted, even if that's not how I'm feeling. It brightens my mood. But today, I just can't muster up the energy to be funny and light-hearted. The fact of the matter is: I'm dreading the next few days.

I know that I'm going to send my little girl to camp, and in some ways that little girl won't ever come back. She's going to comeback a young woman. She'll come back changed. I will still have the beautiful girl that she has always been. She'll still be goofy and silly. She'll be the most organized person I know and still have a messy room. She'll still be the picky eater of my family. But she will also come back completely different.

She'll comeback after spending a few day completely without me, and I really hate that fact. I hate that everyday she'll need me less and less. I hate the fact that she'll learn and grow and progress and I won't be there to see it. Katie is becoming such a wonderful young woman. She has purpose and substance. She has strength and stability. She has the power to make me laugh and cry. She has taught me how to really love someone.

The night Chris (Katie's older brother) was born, I was sitting in a hospital bed holding my beautiful new baby boy. I was so happy. I remember my dad leaning down and whispering in my ear: "...enjoy this moment sweetheart, because tomorrow your sending him on his mission." I remembering being so mad at my dad for this comment. I remember telling him to "...buzz off..." because I wanted to enjoy the moment. The reason I'm sharing this story, is that I do feel like I'm sending my kids off on a mission.

I know it's only girls camp, but I feel like my kids have grown up so fast. And I feel like I've missed it. I've been there, but I've been caught up in so many other things I haven't really enjoyed the journey. I have a close friend that I wish I was more like, because she truly enjoys every moment of being with her children. She enjoys listening to their funny stories and stupid jokes. She loves jumping on the trampoline and making fun birthday cakes. I'm not saying that she's perfect, or that she doesn't get frustrated, but I do wish I was more like her. Greg seems to have this ability as well. He is so content just sitting back and watching the miracle of the moment.

I walked out of my room last night and overheard Katie saying her prayers. That as a mother is a wonderful moment. She asked in her prayer that all my kidney stones will go away, so her mom can be healthy again. She also asked God to send her Papa a new liver so he can be healthy too, and we can all be happy. I stood there and listened and realized that my girl is growing up. The baby that was so small I was scared to hold is growing up to be an amazing woman. I must have done something right alone the way somewhere to have such an amazing young woman as my daughter.

She is not without her problems. She has a short fuse and yells at her sister and brother all the time. She has a messy room. She's not very good at math. She is very picky about what she's willing to eat. She watches too much TV. She is far from perfect. But I don't think I could love her any more than I do now.

I guess the point of this post is that I am blessed to have such a wonderful young woman as my daughter, but I'm sad that she's growing up so fast. She's leaving for girls camp in a few hours and I know that she's never going to be the same again. She's going to go away and she's going to have fun with her friends. She'll laugh and giggle and not sleep. She's going to learn from amazing leaders that love her and she will learn to love them. She is going to build relationships and memories that she'll have for the rest of her life. And I won't be a part of any of it. I know that some of this is my choice and I feel so guilty about that, but I also know that she has to do this. I know this is an experience that she wants and needs.

I know that I'm long-winded and am probably over-reactingto this as I do about so man things. I'm happy for Katie and I'm excited to hear about all her adventures that are coming. But I don't like the fact that everyday she needs me less and less. I know that as a parent the best thing I can do for my kids is to let go and watch them soar, but that is the hardest thing I will ever do.

Post Script: I don't have the energy to proof-read this post, so I apologize for all my spelling errors and typo's.

Hey June!!! Is that the mouth you pray with?

I know that no one is reading this anymore since I haven't posted anything in almost 2 months, but I just haven't had anything much to say. Which never was a problem before, so I decided I need to start posting again. So:

WOW!!! WHAT A DAY!!!! Today was "Flip-Flip Day" (aka: Black Friday's uglier and MUST MORE UNPLEASANT sibling) at Old Navy, which is where I work. I've spent the last few days trying to get the store ready for an ultra-busy day, but this madness exceeded even my expectation. I expected the long lines, I expected the store to be a mess, I expected my team to be overwhelmed (which is why I brought in my homemade Rice Crispy Treats and 7-Layer Dip which you wouldn't normally eat together, but strangely kind of work when your blood sugar is low), and I expected our customers to be a little grumpy. But this was INSANE!

First, I made Greg drive me to work because I didn't want to worry about trying to find a parking spot, and I wanted him to take some pictures. For the record I would like it noted that Greg teased me all morning about this, but then the car became strangely quiet when he pulled our little car into the parking lot. The only thing said was: "...drop me off by the door please. Please help me bring the Rice Crispy Treats to the back room." I didn't see Greg again for almost a half an hour.

Working retail isn't for the faint of heart. Someone important and really smart said that once, I'm sure of it!

I got to the store at about 9:45. I don't know what the line looked like before we opened, but it stretched all the way to the back of the store, back up to the front and half way back again. I feel like I should get hazard pay for having to run from the front door all the way to the back while carrying my 7-layer dip (which was delicious by the way). When a crowd of slightly pudgy moms already upset because they can only get 5 pairs of flip-flops see 7-layer dip it's like a moth attracted to a flame. SO WATCH OUT!!!!

Aside from almost losing my life over my pot-luck donation, the worst part of today was by far GRUMPY CUSTOMERS!!!!! I experienced the single worst customer I HAVE EVER DEALT WITH IN MY LIFE today. She and her husband (let's call them Walt and June) were the highlight of my day. I won't go into detail, but let's just say that I was shaking with anger by the time Walt and June decided to leave my store. I had to go in the back and take some deep breaths!!!!!

I definitely learned a thing or two from this experience. Like: THE NEXT PERSON WHO CALLS ME OR MY ASSOCIATES NAMES WHILE WE ARE TRYING TO HELP THEM WILL BE GIVEN THE NUMBER TO CUSTOMER SERVICE, MY NAME AND STORE NUMBER, AND THEN WILL BE TOLD TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to ask Walt and June if that was the same mouth they pray with. :) Judging from their behavior, I'm thinking not.

I help run a clothing store. It's not glamorous or flashy. I don't read to the blind, I don't cure disease, I don't prevent hunger. I simply do not understand why people can get so mad at me for doing something as simple as selling jeans and t-shirts. I understand that lines were long, and they only got 5 pairs of flip-flops, but COME ON PEOPLE!

I have been known (in my deep dark past) to get upset at some poor customer service associate, but my view has changed over the years. I have tried to make it a policy that every time I am lucky enough to have a good experience somewhere, I ask for the manager and give a good report. As a manager, I hear so many negative things, and so few good things, but I know that my team does a good job. Every time I hear something good or positive I ALWAYS share this experience with my team, and we all have better days. Why are we so ready to tell someone that they did a bad job and so reluctant to tell someone they did a great job?

Please, someone explain!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boys are stupid, but girls can be stupider

Last night at work 2 nice young men and a beautiful young woman happened to come through my line and bought a pair of mens jeans and 2 pairs of mens cargo shorts. No big deal. That happens every day. EXCEPT!!!!! One of the young men was wearing a hoodie that said something about Utah Valley State University Baseball. Since today is OPENING DAY I had to share this STUPID STORY.

After noticing the hoodie I said:
So, what pro-team to do follow?

Young man: I don't play pro, I play for Utah Valley.

I thought: WELL, DUH!!!!!! Opening day is tomorrow, if you played pro-ball you probably wouldn't be worrying about buying jeans in West Jordan Utah right now. But since I was giving great customer service, I didn't say that.

Instead I said: Your hoodie is for Utah Valley Baseball, do you follow a pro team?

Young man: No, I don't follow a specific pro-team. I follow pitchers. I love relief pitchers.

Obviously this kid is a pitcher. Bet you 20 bucks, he throws relief.

I said: That's great.

Young man: What team to do you follow?

I'm positive he was trying to make me feel stupid, so my reply was:

I love the Mets!!!! Always have. I think it's going to be a good year.

Young man: Well, yeah since you have my man K-Rod.

My reply: It's along way from Anaheim to New York, we'll see.

Young Man: Then why do you think it'll be such a good year?

I said: Well, lots of reasons. Carlos Delgado, we've been working on putting some depth in our bull-pen (K-Rod will help), we also signed Gary Shefield so he'll help get us some runs, and then there's always Mr. Wright.

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO NOTE THAT I WAS REFERRING TO DAVID WRIGHT AS MR. WRIGHT. GREG IS MR. RIGHT, DAVID WRIGHT IS MR. WRIGHT.

Young Man: Mr. Who?

Me: You know, Mr. Wright. David Wright my third baseman. Did you see his walk-off single to beat Puerto Rico in "The Classic"? It was amazing.

At this point, the young man turned to his friend and gave him the weirdest look. He then asked:

Why are you such a Mets Fan?

My reply: Oh, it started back when I was a kid. Darryl Strawberry was playing outfield for them, and I thought he was amazing. Old habits die hard.

Young man: Yeah, I like drugs too. HA-HA!

Me:That was a bad choice of words on my part. But his will be a great year. Tim Kirkjan has picked David Wright to be the NL MVP. I have faith.

At this point this young mans (I should say kid, he couldn't have been a day over 23) wife entered the conversation. She was standing there the entire time, she had heard every word of our conversation. She turned to him, grabbed his hand, leaned into him and asked: Do you have everything? Then she reached into his pocket and handed him his wallet.

I literally had to hold my breath so I wouldn't laugh. At that point, the kid paid his money and they left.

I went back to the fitting room and was laughing so hard I could hardly breath. A kid I work with saw me laughing and asked me what was so funny, so I told him the story.

His reply: Jill, boys are stupid, but girls are stupider.

Old married -- and loving it!!

Saturday afternoon our usually loud and busy house was eerily quiet. Kolbie was at Annie's (her best buddy), and Chris and Kate went to the movies with Austin. Greg and I... literally sat our kitchen table and ate in complete silence. Finally, we did have a conversation. It went something like this:

ME: With the kids gone, the house is so quiet.

GREG: I know. (Greg, always a man of many words.)

ME: What do you want to do?

GREG: I don't know, what do you want to do?

ME: I don't know. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

GREG: Well, (he says while rubbing his chin the way he does this drives me crazy, but in a good way:), I think there's a game on ESPN.

ME: What kind of game?

GREG: Baseball.

ME: Ok, sounds good to me!!!

And off we went down into the pit of our basement and watched the World Baseball Classic, we also watched Forrest Gump during the commercials to the baseball game. Venezuela beat Italy 6-0.

OH, HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE HECK HAS HAPPENED TO US? There was a time that if Greg and I were alone we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other, now we're content watching baseball and Forrest Gump. Let me be completely clear:

WE WERE ALONE!!!

OUR KIDS WEREN'T EVEN GOING TO BE COMING HOME SOON!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE'RE NEVER ALONE!!!!!

I fear that Greg and I have "passed the point of no return": we are old and married. Everyone always says when they get married that they will never act like their parents, they will never reach that old and married stage. Just like everyone always say: I will never say "because I said so" to their children. Yeah, well, it happens to the best of us.

At least Greg and I can laugh about it. I mentioned it to him this afternoon and we had a good laugh. I told him that if I were to remarry I was going to marry for money, he said he would marry for looks. I know he has no money, and apparently I'm quite homely. Oh well.

Despite all this, there is something to be said about being with someone for a long time. I feel so comfortable with Greg. But that's not always a good thing, like when he holds my hair back when I throw-up, (I'm sorry but when I'm sick, I don't want anyone to touch me let alone look at me when I'm puking). I know that some people say that if a man will hold your hair back when you throw-up it true love. Um hello, have you ever seen someone throw-up? It's not pretty, and despite being homely (and being with Greg for 17 years) I would still like to THINK I'm pretty when I'm around him. Call me crazy.

I love being married, even though my husband can drive me nuts!!! I love him even though he is the weirdest person I know. These are some of the things that makes him weird:

1. He likes Nascar.

2. Not only does he like Nascar, he has a "Fantasy Nascar" team. What is that exactly?

3. He puts Velvetta Nacho cheese on his doritos. I find this completely weird and TOTALLY DISGUSTING!!!

4. He's a Dallas Cowboys fan. This does bring me some enjoyment since they haven't won a play-off game in years and this week when they cut T.O.!!!;)

5. He'll come up to me hold out his finger and say:

Feel this.

What's wrong with your finger? I ask.

Just feel. He says.

So I touch his finger and ask: what's that?

His reply: It's my finger.

6. He has James Family Jump Rope Competitions.

7. He snores like a buzz saw (which he completely denies).

8. He has started to worry about what he wears except when it comes to shoes.
(I tell him he's turning into a closet Metro, which he completely denies by the way).

9. He only yells when he's REALLY, REALLY, REALLY mad. When we fight (oh yeah, we fight) he just stops talking. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!! I think that (at times) it's healthy to get in a good old fashion fight. Yelling at your spouse can release frustration, but the best part is making up. ;)

10. He pays someone to cut his hair (since Jaylynn moved). Greg is almost completely bald so paying someone to cut his hair is hilarious. He just won't break down and buy hair clippers to buzz what's left of his hair (a $2 dollar Bic razor and some shaving cream would work).

11. He listens to completely weird and un-hip music! Which I have started listening to as well.

OH NO!!!!!

THE WEIRDNESS IS STARTING TO RUB-OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite all of these weird things about Greg, I'm still in love with him. What's even more amazing is that he seems to still be in love with me, for this I am grateful.

Going to the dentist

Sorry, it's been a while since I posted anything. I haven't really had too much to say (for the first time in my life).




Tomorrow, I have to go to the dentist to have 2 cavitities filled (I have to go back in a few weeks to have 2 more filled). I HATE going to the dentist. I would rather have a baby (except for the being pregnant part, that's way worse than going to the dentist).

Anyway, I went to the dentist for the first time in a long time a couple of weeks ago, and I have 4 caviities. 4!!!!!!!!! The last time I'd been to the dentist was before Kolbie was born (she's almost 9). I truly, truly hate going to the dentist. So, I thought: "why am I paying for this stupid insurance when I know I have cavities?" So off to the dentist I went.

The dentist seemed like a nice enough guy, for a dentist. He saw how agitated I was about even being there, and he suggested that I get put under general anesthetic (sp) to get all of my teeth fixed at once. That sounded fine with me until he told me that it would cost me $300 per hour, and it wouldn't be covered by my insurance at all! What do I pay the stupid insurance company for anyway? So all my hopes and dreams of getting all my teeth fixed and clean at one time died!! Instead, I opted for taking a Valium an hour before I leave for my appointment. I hope it works, I'm about to have a heart attack just sitting here thinking about my appointment tomorrow.

So, here's my plan for tomorrow:
Step 1: Make sure that I plug my ipod in so it is charging on Thursday night.
Step 2: Pray.
Step 3: Brush me teeth really, really well every day, but especially on Friday morning.
Step 4: Pray.
Step 5: Be sure to take my ipod with me to the dentist.
Step 6: Pray.
Step 7: Take my medication 1 hour prior to my appointment.
Step 8: Pray.
Step 9: Listen to my ipod during my appointment so I don't have to listen to all that drilling.
Step 10: Pray.
Step 11: Try not to have a heart attack.
Step 12: PRAY!!!!!!

I don't think I've explained how much I hate going to the dentist. I hate everything about the dentist. The smell of the office, the smiling lady at the front desk, the smell of the office, the perky dental hygentist, the smell of the office, opening my mouth, the smell of the office, THE PAIN, and the smell of the office. I'm trying to not have a panic attack right now.

My addiction to Facebook

I just realized something, it's been over a week since I put a post on here, but I've been on my computer constantly. Why is that? I am an addict. I am addicted to Facebook. And I don't really know why.

I like to have interaction with my friends and co-workers. I like to be proactive and talk with them when I chose to. I love writing my blog, but all I feel like I do is drone on and on about something that is usually unimportant and then wait for someone to comment. On most posts I only get 1 or 2 comments, and I get so disappointed. I really don't get how people can get so many people to comment on their blogs. One blog I read is call NormalMormonHusbands and his posts generate over 100 comments. Of course his blog is much more entertaining than mine, but I don't even think my mother reads my blog. Basically I'm saying: my audience is small and my interaction with them is very limited. I love facebook because I can go online and see what my friends are doing or saying about themselves, and then I can interact with them if I chose to. And I can see so many more people. I looked up my high school graduating class, and got to read about so many people from high school. I thought this was really cool, until I realized that so many people have accomplished so much, and I have really accomplished so little in comparison. I don't recommend look up old classmates, it can get rather depressing.

So, you ask what did I do tonight? I chatted with a good friend about everything under the sun, and wasn't limited by the telephone. I could get up and tuck Kolbie into bed, use the bathroom, and brush my teeth, and it didn't interrupt my conversation at all. It was great. And when I say I talked to her all night, I really mean it. We started chatting at about 6pm and I logged of after 10 because I had to go to bed (what a joke that turned out to be, it 1:25am and I'm still not asleep)!

Greg asked me Sunday afternoon if there was a 12-step program for people who are addicted to Facebook, and "could we find a meeting or something to go to". What a funny guy. Right now, I like my little addiction to Facebook. My experience has been great (other than looking up old classmates). So keep up with Facebook, I really enjoy it. And you may also comment here too, I really enjoy that. It lets me know that someone reads my ramblings.

I Dance Like Elaine

So, last night for Valentines Day Greg and I...went to a church dance. I had a good time, but it was a little weird seeing a member of the Stake Presidency waltz to the Electric Slide.

We have some good friends from our ward that were at the dance, and it was fun. But it brought back a lot of unpleasant memories. I am not a social person, I stress out every time I'm put into a "social" setting. I ALWAYS say the first thing that pops into my head (see: I think I'll shut-up now post), and that has made for some interesting social "situations".

The biggest problem that I had on Saturday Night was: I DON'T DANCE!!!! Not around people anyway. I was the kid in dance class that was always on the back row half way off the stage for dance recitals, and I NEVER went to school dances. I do dance in my kitchen when I listening to my ipod, and I disco when my girls are dancing in the living room, but I only do that because of the reaction I get from them (Kolbie joins in, but Katie look at me like I've got lobsters crawling out my ears). The funniest thing about going to the dance last night was, Greg can't dance either. In fact, he stepped on my feet so much that they still hurt. Greg and I joked that we dance like Elaine. I don't remember what kind of party that Elaine, Jerry, Kramer, and George were at but Elaine was dancing.

George said: "Have you seen Elaine dance? It's like watching a full body dry heave."

That about sums up my dancing style. I'm too reserved and up-tight. I just can't relax in situations like that. I wish I was one of those people that could just relax and have fun, but I just can't. I'm just like my dad that way, my mom could let loose and have fun, but not my dad. I think my mom even won a dance contest she joined with my grandpa. I don't know what happened to me and my dad though, his mom (my Grandma Kate) used to tell me about when she and grandpa would put the kids to bed early then they would push all the furniture out of the way and they would dance all night. I think that sounds so fun, but Greg and I dance like Elaine, besides we would miss some sporting event on TV.

It was fun to watch our friends at the dance. I could just picture everyone as teenagers, and we still are the same people we were then. Here are some funny things I noticed:

Boys still pretend they can slam-dunk basketballs.

There is still the weird guy that dances wild-and-crazy and everyone watches, but he's having the most fun.

There is the couple that can dance really, really well. And everyone is jealous (or maybe it was just me).

There is the couple that hardly ever dances, but knows everyone and spends the entire time talking with friends.

A member of what I call "The Leadership Team" still walks around to make sure no one is making-out in the corner.

It takes about an hour before many will loosen up and go out and dance. Greg and I got there about 45 minutes late on purpose!

There's is still the person that can't dance, but tries. -- That's me. :)

One of the most interesting places to "people watch" is at a church dance. It's interesting to see who will fill what role.

I would go to dance lessons if the ward or stake had them, but yoga class would be safer for everyone involved. :)