Saying Goodbye?

My husbands Grandmother passed away early on the third of April. So we've spent the last several days going to viewing, the funeral, the family luncheon and all the other things that go along with a death in the family. I loved her as my husband grandmother but having distance gave me the opportunity to observe the things going on around me.

The day after grandma's death Greg and I stopped by his parents house to see if his mom was okay. She wasn't okay -- but I must say she was doing remarkable well considering her mother just passed away. We walked in and we each gave her a hug and let her cry. After a few minutes she turned to me and said: "I just don't understand this Jill. I'm a grown woman with children, and grandchildren, but I'm sure missing my Mom right now. I didn't talk to my Mom everyday, and we haven't even lived in the same city of the last 5 years, but oh I'm missing my Mom." None of this surprised me. I'd spent the day thinking about how I would feel if my parents weren't around anymore.

I'm of the belief that death usually brings the worst out in people. And the death of grandma wasn't an exception. There were arguments and hurt feelings. Suddenly everything was a competion. "I talked to Grandma and Grandpa three times last week!" "I took Grandpa and Grandma to their last five doctor appointments." "My kids saw Grandma and Grandpa more than any of the other grandchildren." I really wish someone would give me some insight to this line of thinking. Who really cares? So someone in the family talked to grandma and grandpa and someone else took them to their doctor appointments, and the grandkids came to visit. Isn't that what a family does? Aren't we supposed to help each other?

One thing that happened as a result of Grandma's death was that my children started asking real questions about why we're here and where we're going. My kids reacted to the death of their Great-Grandmother allot harder than I thought they would. There were tears, and ALLOT of questions. Where is grandma now? What is she doing? Why would God take her away from Grandpa, he needs her? That last one stopped me cold in my tracks. How do you answer that so that a child would understand? What do you tell a child to make them understand that death is not the end? What do you say to make everything okay again?

One of the hardest things I've had to deal with as a parent is having to answer questions that there aren't easy answers to. Questions about death definatley fall into that category. Our religion helps us answer these questions, but that doesn't make it easy to understand.

Last night I asked Greg if he thinks that being married to someone as long as Grandma and Grandpa were, if they makes you into one person. He said yes. Grandma and Grandpa were married for 62 years when Grandma died. I personally think that's amazing. Last night as I was trying to sleep I thought about that. Greg and I have been married for 15 and a half years and I can't imagine losing him. How would that feel if you added 47 years? I can only imagine that it feels like you'd lost half of yourself. How can you wake up every morning after that?

In the end, death creates more questions than it answers even if it's expected or even prayed for. But I don't think that dealing with the death of a loved one is much different than any other struggles we deal with in our lives. One moment you feel like everything has fallen apart and you can't go on. The next moment you find your self slowly picking up the pieces.

I personally have had to deal with the death of people that I have loved very much. And sometimes I look back and wonder how I've made it this far without them. But then I think, I haven't really been without them. My Aunt Michelle doesn't put up with anymore crap than my Aunt Cheryl did. My Dad argues politics with me and when I win (which is not very often) still calls me a dumb-shit. Just like my Grandma Kate. My Mom still loves me no matter what, and never gives up on any of her children. Just like my Grandma Culp.

I'd like to believe that the death of a loved one doesn't take them as far away as we think sometimes. When Greg's mom told us that she was missing her Mom last Thursday night made me realize that knowing someone was there for you if you needed them does make a big difference. Most of the time I think we all take advantage of the fact that someone is just a phone call, an email, or a text message away. I persoanlly don't think that Grandma was too far away from Greg's mom that night, but she wasn't a phone call away anymore.

Maybe we didn't say good-bye. Maybe we just said see you later.