Anyone who has known me for any amount of time (like a second and a half) knows that I can be very outspoken and opinionated. I also have an amazing ability to stick my foot in my mouth. I have some stories that would curl your hair!
There was the time when Greg and I were eating dinner with his parents (about 2 weeks before our wedding) and I quoted a line from The Christmas Story. Ralphie's dad had just gotten his "major prize" and Ralphie was saying how much he loved that lamp. "It was electric sex glowing in the window." I will NEVER forget the look on Sharron's face. EVER!
Then today, I went to lunch with a friend from work. We were talking about the big Michael Phelps scandal.
Please keep in mind this simple equation: Jill + sports + opinion = DISASTER!!
JILL: Did you hear about Michael Phelps?
FRIEND: Yeah, I can't believe it.
JILL: It didn't surprise me.
SIDEBAR: Anyone, and I mean ANYONE that is continually told how wonderful they are will eventually fall on their face. HARD! That kid has been set up for disaster for years! Guess what? Michael Phelps made a bad choice. We all do. He just had the privilege to screw up in front of the whole world. I feel bad for him.
FRIEND: What do you mean?
JILL: Well, you know he was arrested for drunk driving when he was 19 right?
FRIEND: Yeah, I know that. But, I was arrested for drunk driving too. That doesn't make him a bad person.
CRAP!!!!
That is not what I meant, but looking back I can see where she's coming from. I am an idiot!
I also recently told a friend that I thought she was weird because she liked being pregnant. Then I told her that she shouldn't worry about what I think about her. Again, not what I meant. The problem is this friend doesn't really know me well enough to know that I tend to speak and then engage my brain. Sorry--you know who you are.
To be honest, more than one person has been offended beyond repair because of my big fat mouth, and I feel like I've suffered because I don't have these friends.
Greg has learned to deal with my "problem" very well over the years. He doesn't even act embarrassed anymore (most of the time), and frequently he doesn't even say anything to me. He already knows how crappy I feel because I usually figure out that I've screwed up on my own. After all this time, Greg usually just laughs, shakes his head and walks away. He's a very good sport about everything, unless I really out-do myself. The thing that amazes me about what a great sport he is, is the fact that I really don't try very hard to censor myself when I'm around family (his or mine). I think I like the shock factor.
This character trait is something that I think is funny or quirky in other people, but I HATE IT ABOUT MYSELF!!! I also thought that I would grow out of it as I got older. Boy, was I wrong!! The older I get the worse it is. If things don't change soon, I'm going to be a lonely old woman with a lot of cats. Maybe age = honesty?
STORY: At work, I was given the responsibility to improve our break room. I spent so much time measuring, and thinking and trying to come up with ideas to make things better. Finally, 2 days before I was scheduled to make all the changes I was talking to one of my bosses and said I needed to get Greg in to look at things to give me some ideas. In my defense: Greg is very good at that kind of thing and could help me figure things out. Well, I went on to say and I quote: "...I just need the brain of a boy to help me figure this out..." My boss, his name is Dave.
Like I said, I think I'll shut-up now.
5 comments:
You are funny! I love it, age = wisdom? and... you'll be a lonely old woman with cats. You made me laugh.
And Jill, your anonymous friend was not at all offended. :) I even said on my blog that I am probably crazy to like being pregnant. I know that most people would think I'm crazy. And that is okay. I didn't think the way you worded it was at all offensive, so don't worry about it. Your other stories were funny though. (well, they were to me.)
Jill, you are too funny. I call the foot in mouth syndrome a lack of self censoring. I have also found that my self censoring button is off a lot more the older I get. Don't worry about it. This is what happens when "YOU" get old.
My mother and I both have this same problem. She is much worse though. I like to refer to this as having no inner monologue. It is one of those things that I have totally learned to appriciate about you over the years.
When we were first married I dreaded going to sunday school. Every week you had to make a comment about something. In fact I think I reached over and pulled your hand down a couple of times. I have certainly learned to love that about you now. In fact I love to engage you in discussions, because I know that I am always right.
Funny story: I just told my Mom to read this post. She asked what it was agout. I told her it was titled: I think I'll shut-up now. Her response: Oh no, not again. What did you say now?
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