Saturday, December 27, 2008

FIRE!

Sometimes at work we have so much to do that we have to work all night. (I've said before, there's A LOT more to running a clothing store than just folding clothes.) The night of December 23rd was one of those nights. The store was open until midnight, then a small group of us was scheduled to stay several more hours.

At about 10:30p.m. Andrea and I went back to one of the offices that sit side by side just off the backroom. Both office doors were open. The empty office can be used by the District Manager, but he is based out of Logan, so we use that office to store our marketing. The other office is used by the management team to run the store. Andrea and I went back to the office to print some signs for some markdowns that we were working on. I gave Andrea what she needed and I was going to stay in the office to print some things. Andrea walked away and then started yelling: "FIRE!! FIRE!!! THERE'S A FIRE!!!" I jumped up and ran out of the office, and sure enough the chair in the District Managers office was on fire! It was really on fire! The flames were over a foot tall!!! I yelled into the walkie-talkies that we wear for Trish to get back to the backroom RIGHT NOW! Then, I grabbed the fire extingisher and put the fire out!! Using a fire extingisher is just like it seems in the movies. At this point Trish comes running into the backroom and asked: "What the heck is going on back here?!" Then she smells the fire, sees the smoke, hears me and Andrea coughing, and is: speechless. Sometimes there is just nothing to say. We spent the next 45 minutes trying to air out the back room, cleaning up the mess from the fire extinguisher, filing incident reports, and just trying to keep things under control. A little while later I was sitting at one of the two computers in the office (the office that didn't catch on fire) and Trish came in and sat down. She asked me if I was okay and all I could do was laugh. I laughed until I cried, the kind of laugh that makes your belly hurt. She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. When I got myself under control again all I could tell her was that sometimes you have to laugh so you don't cry.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

What a day! I'm so disappointed!!

Look how cute he is!!!



So after years of begging and pleading, I finally got Greg to take a day off work to spend with me for our anniversary. The fact that he took a day off at all is AMAZING, I've seen that guy go to work with the stomach flu.

Anyway, Greg took the day off and had some fun things planned for us. I woke up feeling fine, a little groggy, I have been getting to bed late the last couple of nights, but I felt okay. So, Greg took me out to breakfast. And as I was looking at the menu of yummy pancakes, waffles, and french toast, I started to not feel so good. You should have seen the look I got from Greg when all I could order was a fruit bowl. After we ordered, I just sat there, and Greg kept asking me if I was okay. By the time our food got to our table, I knew I wasn't okay. I ate one grape and had to go running for the bathroom. That's right folks, I got sick in an IHOP bathroom. DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!

The plan after going to breakfast was to go and see the BODY WORLDS exhibit at the Leonardo. I've been wanting to go to see it since it came to Salt Lake. Greg, bless his heart, was going to take me. We drove up to Salt Lake, me feeling worse and worse, but I wasn't going to ruin my day with Greg. So, we went to the exhibit. Cost 44 bucks. Well, I got sick there too. Fortunately, I didn't embarrass myself too much because I made it to the bathroom. Barely! The exhibit was amazing, but NOT the kind of thing you should go to if you feel sick to your stomach.

Greg's plan after Body Worlds was to go shopping at Gateway and finish up our Christmas shopping. But I just couldn't do it. I felt so bad when I asked Greg if he could just take me home. He was great about it (like he always is about this kind of thing) and took me home after a quick stop to Walmart. He bought me some Cherry Coke to settle my stomach, and the James Bond movie Casino Royale to watch. He's so sweet.

I've always had huge issues with guilt. ALWAYS! And I'm having tons of guilt today. He never takes the day off work, and he did just after a couple of big snow storms, so work is really busy. I was so excited to spend the day with him with no kids, no cell phones, no work, and I got sick! I know that it wasn't my fault, I didn't mean to get sick, but geez!!! I was hoping that this would be the beginning of a new tradition for our anniversary, but I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to take another day off to spend with me for a long, long time.

So, this is how Greg spent the rest of his afternoon:



That's not so bad, is it? I just wish today could have gone so much different. I ruin everything. I'm sure this is something I'll laugh about, someday!!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

16 Years!!!!!

Look at what I got at work today:




Today Greg and I are celebrating our 16th anniversary!!! WOW!!!! We have officially doubled the length of an average marriage in the United States. I mentioned this to my Dad and he told me: "Well, don't worry about being AVERAGE!!!!!" AMEN!!!!!

I am so happy. Not just today, but with life in general. Work is crazy, home is crazier, and I'm still in alot of pain, but I'm happier than I've been in a long time. It's refreshing!

I was looking at our wedding picture and we look SO YOUNG!!!!! I was only 18 when we got married (a child bride), but I'm happy.

I must have done something right sometime in my existence to deserve such an AMAZING husband. Heaven knows that I've given him reasons to not like me very much, (he has also given me reasons to not like him either) but he's stuck with me. Even when I turned stupid for a couple of years. I really don't know what he sees in me.

These are some of my favorite things about Greg:

1. He's HOT!
2. He's funny!
3. He makes me smile!
4. He's an amazing father!
5. He's an amazing son!
6. He's a great provider!
7. He taught me how to keep score to a baseball game.
8. He listens to me (or pretends to) when I need to vent.
9. He always expects my best.
10. He sees the best in me and everyone around him.
11. He has amazing faith!
12. He tends to sees the big picture!
13. He takes me to the movies and dinner when he doesn't want to.
14. He talks sports and politics with me.
15. He's my best friend!
16. He loves me!!!

I really think I've got the most amazing husband on earth. When I look back at the last 16 years, I think we've had more happy times than sad, and there is really no one on earth I'd rather be with. We were talking to a friend at church who is a widower and just got engaged. We were congratulating him, and he said: "It's so nice to have a companion again. You two are so blessed." This reminded me how fortunate I am to have Greg to lean on when I need to. Sometimes I think I lean on him too much, but now I feel like he's helping me stand on my own. Does that make sense?

Some things he does DRIVE ME CRAZY!!! Like:

1. He's a Cowboys fan.
2. He's a Dodgers fan.
3. He likes David Locke.
4. He and I don't agree on politics, most of the time.
5. He puts spicy Velveeta Cheese on his Doritos. GROSS!!!!
6. He eats said Doritos and then ties to kiss me!! I HATE the smell of Doritos! He also does this with black licorice. NASTY!!

As much as anniversaries make us look back, this year I'm looking forward. I am looking forward to the years to come! I know that things can change, but I'm going to do my best to keep them from changing.

Being with Greg makes me happy!!!

I love you!

Thanks for the flowers!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sweet Revenge!!!!

Today, I got my revenge on Kolbie for being such a stinker at church last week (see: Kolbie what am I going to do with you post).

Before we came home from church today, Chris came over and announced that he was going to be set apart as the Secretary of the Deacon Quorum. Well, okay. Greg and I thought that they would ask a kids parents if it was okay if they were called to a calling, but whatever.

So, Kolbie comes up and says: "What's taking so long? Can we leave now? I'm hungry!!!"

Greg turns to her and says: "No, the Bishop wants to talk to you."

Kolbie: "About what?"

Me: "About your behavior last Sunday!"

Kolbies eyes got as big as dinner plates, she folded her arms and marched herself right out of the church. Greg and I thought that she was going to start walking home, but it was just too cold. She decided to stand outside and stare us down for a minute. So, the Bishop called us all into his office. The Bankheads were there, Brother Gustafson, Derrick Jensen, the Bishop and Brother White.

The Bishop walks right up to Kolbie and says: "I understand that you upset your mother last week."

Kolbie: "Um." At this point she glances over at Greg and I and sighs.

SIDEBAR: Greg and I are trying to control fits of glee.

Bishop: "You know you shouldn't act like that at church, right?"

Kolbie: "Well, yeah I guess."

Bishop: "Don't upset your Mom like that again. Okay?"

Kolbie: "Okay."

Fortunately for me, Kolbie didn't know that I told the Bishop the entire gruesome truth about why I got so mad and left last week. He actually though it was pretty funny.

We have all been home from church for about 30 minutes and Greg and I are soooooo happy!!! I hope Kolbie learned a lesson from this!!! I'm just glad that Greg was smart enough to tell Kolbie that the Bishop wanted to talk to her in the first place. CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY HUSBAND IS A GENIUS!!!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Now I'm just DISGUSTED!!!!

As you all know, I'm a huge baseball fan!!! I can't wait for opening day. But today, I've just had it with baseball!!!

The Yankees just signed C.C. Sabaitha (sp) to a 7 year 164 MILLION dollar deal. Excuse me but, WHAT THE HELL?

In the last few months Wall Street had to be bailed out by the government and now The Big 3 are begging for money, but the Yankees can afford 164 MILLION DOLLARS? For a pitcher that chokes in the post-season? Come on, really?!

I know that the Yankees and my beloved Mets have the most money to spend on "talent" but this is ridiculous!!

SIDEBAR: Greg, the Dodgers have one of the biggest markets in baseball, so I don't want to hear one word from you about my Mets! I bet the Dodgers spend big money this winter? For example: How much did they offer Manny?

It seems to me, that in an environment when people don't know if they're going to have a job in the next 7 months (let alone the next 7 years) that money could be better spent.

I get that sports are entertainment. I REALLY GET IT!! One of the reasons that I love baseball so much is that I can forget so many other things for a couple of hours. But 164 MILLION DOLLARS TO THROW A BALL? Also, how much money is Tom Cruise going to make on his new movie? Unfortunately, some of his paycheck will be my money, that movie looks really good!

The picture of entertainment is starting to make me gag!!! Brad and Angelina are living in (un)wedded bliss and NEVER look like they've been up all night with infants or sick kids. Jennifer Aniston is the perfect wife or girlfriend. Heidi Klum has never had plastic surgery (that woman has had like 3 babies, yeah right! She's just genetically superior! Some things genetics can't prevent. LIKE STRETCH MARKS!!) Nicole Kidman has always been the loving supportive (never angry or hurt) wife of an alcoholic. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have overcome anorexia. Roger Clemens really wasn't on "the juice". Stephanie Meyers has never had writers block!!! And A-Rod and Madonna are "just friends". GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

Another thing I understand is that many of these people do some very good things. There are tons of foundations and organizations to help the less fortunate, but this is turning into a joke.

But guess what? Sometimes we just need to escape!!! Sometimes we need to sit in a movie theatre, baseball stadium, basketball arena, turn on the TV, or read a good book. Sometimes life gets so crazy and nuts, that you just need to turn your brain off for a few minutes. At least I do. What I can't understand is how we worship and throw money at these people. I know that these people can do things that I could never do (watching a big league pitcher is amazing if you really think about it). I could never throw a ball, hit a ball, make a basket, sink a putt, write a book, and I feel like an idiot anytime a camera comes within 20 feet of me.

But what about the "average joe"? I know that things are tight at my house. We're cutting back on so much (we needed to do that anyway), and so are most of my friends. I have friends that have lost jobs and don't know how they're going to survive. I'm worried about my own job. Today, hearing about 164 million dollar deal, is just too much for me to handle!

All that being said, if I had to opportunity to play a game and get paid money like that I wouldn't say no. Would you?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Memories and Questions

Some experiences in life can really take you back and make you think. I've had a couple of those today.

Today I had to opportunity to look back to a time in my life I'd rather forget, but I'm kind of glad that I don't. One thing I've learned over the years is that God forgives and forgets, but we aren't supposed to. Meaning that some lessons aren't meant to be forgotten. Sometimes we need to remember how miserable we were, so we can say: I chose to not do that again.

Forgiving myself is my greatest sin. I can seem to give most people a break but I can never seem to forgive myself. As my mothers says: I am my own worst critic. My best never seems good enough, and when I fall I fall further and harder than anyone else. I also can be a bit dramatic (can you tell?).

Another thing I've learned is that we are not only our worst decisions. I'm a an addict, but that's not all that I am. I will not be defined by my worst moments. I am more than just my bad decisions. My bad decisions will always be a part of who I am, but they are not all that I am. I am better than my worst moments.

I was reading in ESPN The Magazine about Josh Hamilton (one of my personal hero's). He's a drug addict that was banned from baseball, was reinstated and has made all kinds of history (see: Homerun Derby 2008).

"And then he was interviewed by ESPN's Erin Andrews, and as he spoke with her -- about God, being saved, about the heights that can be reached even from life's lowest watermarks..."

After reading this quote, I couldn't get it out of my mind. Can heights be reached from life's lowest watermarks? What does that mean? It means that we need to learn. I learn most of my lessons the hard way, but I'm trying to catch on as fast as I can.

Another thing I've learned is that the more we think we're different, the more we're all the same. I have a problem with addiction, what's your problem? We all have one. No one should sit in judgement of others because we all struggle.

Tonight I went to Relief Society Enrichment Night and we talked about the Parable of the 10 Virgins. The Bishop made a comment at the end that it's hard to believe that Christ would leave some of us behind, but that's what will happen if we're not prepared. At first this upset me, then depressed me, but now has gotten me thinking (I don't know if that's a good thing). I'd hate to think that I would be left behind, but what are my choices bringing me? Where exactly am I going? Am I headed in the right direction? Am I going to have enough oil in my lamp? It seems I have more questions than answers these days but I keep looking. I don't think that these questions are bad, they just take time to answer. I've been "in the church" my whole life, you would think I'd have some of this figured out by now, but like I said, I tend to learn things the hard way.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Kolbie!!! What am I going to do with you?

Well, Sacrament Meeting is almost over, and here I sit at my computer blogging. I am so FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!

Last night we went and saw The Forgotten Carols, and it got me thinking. I'm not doing enough. I've written in the past that I've been having a hard time with "the church" but not with "the gospel". I don't really know if that's true anymore. How can I not be struggling with the gospel when I can't even stand to be at church for 3 hours a week? That just doesn't make sense to me anymore. I've also decided that I'm be very, very, very selfish. My family, really wants and needs me to be with them at church. Katie is the only one who has come out and said anything, but I can see the look in Greg's eyes when he asks me if I'm going to church and I tell him no. I ask myself all the time: Why is something so simple so difficult? And to be honest, I don't really know. No, that's not really true either. I am so self-conscience of my past. I feel judged because of my past, but mostly I feel embarrassed. I've made such an ass of myself. I also feel now, that I've been too judgemental of the people around me. I've been so quick to say that people don't know my pain, or where I'm coming from. Maybe they don't, but maybe they try. That should be enough for me. I really don't know where they're coming from either, so why should I judge?

I remember a time that I felt the spirit so strongly, frequently. I miss those days. Life sure was more simple then. I ask myself why I don't feel the spirit much anymore, and I have to be honest, I haven't been trying. I've become lazy, and selfish. The qualities that I'm so quick to point out in other people. This just feels so complicated.

Anyway, after last night, I decided to make a real effort to become better. The thing that really got me was when one character told another that sometimes the veil can be very, very thin. The first thing I thought was: I'm sure doing all I can to make the veil a brick wall. So I decided to become better, to make a better effort. So, I got up this morning in plenty of time to get myself ready for church. In fact, Greg didn't have to "remind" me once what time it was, and I tried not to complain about how I looked (an excuse I've used in the past is that I don't look very good, I'm not going to go), the kids were up and showered. I even went to church with a sore throat and feel achey. We were even early.

Sidebar: I think the bishop about had a heart attack when he saw me walk into the Chapel early. But that's neither here nor there.

So, you may ask: Why am I home from church early? Why, if I've turned over a new leaf am I sitting at home blogging instead of sitting at church trying to learn? Well, my youngest child is why. God knows I love this child, but she can defiantly be a trial. We were out late last night, and had to be up early for church today. That's a lethal mixture for my youngest. She decided to start fighting and causing a ruckus during Fast and Testimony meeting. So I took her out. Made her sit in the foyer with her arms folded and wouldn't let her say a word.

Sidebar: My Mother always taught me that it was best to make life more difficult for an unruly child while out in the foyer. It teaches them that it's better to be in Sacrament Meeting. Well Mom, that easier said than done!!!

Well, I'm sitting with Kolbie in the foyer trying to look stern and mean, and the next thing I know, Kolbie has gotten up and bolted. She opened the door and started running from the building yelling: "IT'S MY LIFE!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" I have to admit, this did make me laugh a bit, but I couldn't let her see that! I couldn't run after her, that would only be what she wanted and I was wearing my high heal black boots, I didn't want to break my ankle. That would really leave an impression with everyone at church. Well, Kolbie finally decides to stop running and sit down. I catch up to her and she starts running the other direction. I catch up to her again, and this time she knew she was in trouble with a capital T!!! So I grabbed her by the wrist and wouldn't let go. She started really freaking out at this point.

So what did I do? Unfortunately, I went in and got my things and the car keys from Greg and came home. Kolbie is now in her room and she won't watch TV, listen to the radio or ipod, or play on the computer today. And she's not going to go out to play for at least week!!! I love this child with all my heart and soul, but she really try my patience!!!!!!! I have to say of all my children, she has come with the most drama (beginning before she was even born--that's a long story that I won't bore you with now) but I KNOW that Kolbie was sent to our family to cement us together. She may bring drama, but she also brings hugs, kisses, smiles, and lots and lots of love.

One good thing about the gospel (and the church) is you can always try again tomorrow. That's what I'm going to do!!!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I've Lost My Freakin' Mind!!!

This year Chris started Jr. High. I know, I know, I'm much too young to have a child in Jr. High, but sadly it's true. Anyway, when Chris started school this year we told him to be involved in as many things as he could. And he has. First, was cross-country track, and now wrestling.

I have to admit that when I gave Chris this advice I didn't really think to much about it, just be involved, but now I'm going to wrestling meets! If you've never been to one, your really missing out. First of all, you get to sit in a stinky Jr. High gymnasium. Next the "outfits" they make the wrestlers can be disturbing (to say the least -- my sister saw Chris in his and about had a fit). Watching these boys get "warmed up" is about the funniest thing I've ever scene. No where else in the world can you see boys doing back bends and jerking around like they're having some kind of fit. And finally, you get to watch two boys try to rip each other apart. I can't believe how many people have told me that wrestling isn't really fighting and that it doesn't hurt. Ahhh... It is to fighting (where else can I see a nice guy that I go to church with every Sunday on his hands and knees screaming: "Throw him to the floor!!!! Throw him to the floor!!!! Pull his arms back, use your weight and smash him into the ground!!!!" Yeah, right, it's not a fight. And don't tell me it doesn't hurt, I've scene all the bruises that Chris has. The highlight of my wrestling experience was when one boys squeezed another boy so much that he threw-up. FOUR TIMES!!!!!! Gross!!!!!!

I have to say that despite all of these negative (and disgusting) points I found myself enjoying myself at this weeks wrestling meet. I even found myself cheering for the boys that I knew (many I've known for years) even though most of the time I was just peeking through my fingers because I was trying to cover my eyes.

Chris lost his match in 3 rounds on points 5-2, but I'm so proud of him. He has been faithfully going to practice every morning, I usually see him stumbling into the bathroom before I leave for work, and I go to work REALLY, REALLY early. I'm more of a baseball girl (that's a surprise if you really know me :). I can explain the infield fly rule, but I don't know one thing about wrestling rules. I can admit my ignorance, I try not to, but I can admit it.

So, you may ask, what's the point of this blog? And the answer is: I think I've lost my mind!!! Normally, you can find me lounging in the warm sun, drinking a lemonade, listening to my ipod, keeping score of a baseball game. You can even find me yelling stupid things like: "Swing all the way through" (like there's really another way to swing) "See the ball and drive it" (What's the point of that?) Or "Keep your eye on the ball", (what exactly does that mean?) Anyway, the point is, I'm normally a nice mellow baseball fan, but today I found myself saying:

"Come on Chris be aggressive!!!"
"Use your weight to keep him down!!"
"Come on now, don't let him move!!"
"Your not hurt!!"

and:

"Come on, THROW HIM TO THE GROUND!!!!!

Like I've said: I've lost my freakin' mind!!!

Friday, November 28, 2008

I SURVIVED!!

As you all know, I work retail. And the day after Thanksgiving is "Black Friday" (the busiest shopping day of the year), and I survived.

My shift was from 8-5 (which was perfect), and we were busy THE ENTIRE DAY!!! In fact, when I got there the line was all the way to the back of the store, and it stayed that way for most of the day. It did slow down from 1-2 (presumably because people were eating lunch), but then it picked right back up again and we had a line again.

One good thing about Black Friday is that (for the most part) people don't really fight with you about prices and such. They know what's on sale, and what's not. They also know that they have to wait in line longer if they make a big fuss about things. The other great part of Black Friday is that the day just flies by. Things seem to go really, really fast. Of course, we're so busy that you don't really have time to stop and think about anything, there's just too much to do.

One thing that I really didn't understand today was that we had some "Big Wigs" come into the store today. That wasn't so surprising, but what did shock me was that they came in at 10am and told us that the store was messy, and we needed to be better "recovered". Well, OF COURSE THE STORE IS A LITTLE MESSY!!!! IT'S 10AM ON THE BUSIEST SHOPPING DAY OF THE YEAR!!! DUH!!! I have to say, that considering how many people were in the store, and our sales, the store looked pretty good. I've seen the store a lot more torn up and a lot less busy. Oh well, we can always do better!! I was just shocked that they said that.

I have to work tomorrow at 6am, which isn't so bad (once you get used to getting up that early) and I have a huge list of things that I have to do. That's the great thing about working retail: there's ALWAYS a million things to do (but that's one of the worst things about retail too. You're NEVER finished!)

I've been a little nervous about things this year, with everything I've heard about the economy. But, I have a theory. We should all stop watching the news. All they ever tell you is bad news. Maybe if everyone stopped listening and thinking about all these scary things, things wouldn't seem so bad. I know this probably sounds weird coming from me (I am naturally a negative person) but, I'm really working on being more positive. I have noticed that things tend to go better when I'm really trying to be positive. This is one of the things I've learned from my boss Lisa. She is always positive. We could have 200 boxes in the back room and the store could be all torn apart, but she always says: "We'll get things done. We always do." Then she'll smile and go back to work. I'm trying to be more like her, and it makes a difference.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

A Thankful Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving and I'm happy. Tired but happy. I worked yesterday to get ready for "Black Friday" and didn't get home until after 1 this morning. Remember my request this holiday season: Please be nice to retail workers, please don't make a huge mess of the stores that shop in (especially mine), and please, please, please don't let your kids run wild when you go shopping.

Anyway, our turkey has been in the oven for about half an hour and I find myself with some extra time on my hands (I guess I could/should be cleaning my house, but I want to relax for a few minutes), so I thought I do a Top 10 List!!!

Top 10 Things Jill Is Thankful For This Year:

10. I'm Thankful for my health. For those of you who know me this has been a tough year when it comes to my health. I've experienced kidney stones (many), infections, and several surgeries.

9. I'm Thankful for technology. This ties into being thankful for my health. Due to all my many kidney stones I experience a great deal of nerve pain from all of my procedures. Well, I have a pain control implant now. It's in my hip and connects directly for the nerves in my spinal cord. I have to force myself to not think about it too much, it kind of freaks me out. Long story short: when I'm in pain, I can turn on my implant and it helps so much with controling my pain.

8. I'm thankful for the country that I live in. I'm thankful for all the opportunities that are available to me and my family because we live in the United States. I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to vote. My Grandma Kate made me promise that I would always vote. She told me that as a woman, I personally have a responsibility to let my voice be heard.

7. I'm thankful for my family. My parents, brothers, sister, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins and the rest of my family. Trish, my boss is from Ireland and Cleber, my friend is from Brazil, their families all live "back home". My family can be a royal pain in the butt and there is always some kind of family drama going on and we're all insane. But they are here, and I can see them whenever I want to, or need to. I also know that they love me, and I love them.

6. I'm thankful for my home. It's not perfect, and it needs some love to make it what I really want, but I'm grateful that we have it. I'm grateful that I have some place to go to after work. I'm grateful that my family has a place to be together.

5. I'm thankful for my job. I know this won't make sense to many of you, but in a lot of ways my job saved me. Having to get up in the morning, and be accountable for something is a good thing for me. I love my job. I love that I can measure my progress, I'm thankful that I have a job that lets me creative (somehwhat).

4. I'm thankful for my friends. I've always said that I don't have many friends, but the few that I do have are very special. They all listen when I need to vent, and don't put up with much of my crap. I learn so much from them. This week, a friend told me something bad about their health. This made me sad. I love my friends so much I hurt when they hurt, but I'm happy when they're happy. I hope that I can help, love and support my friend through this trial.

3. I'm thankful for my AMAZING children. When I'm with them, I just think that I must have done something right sometime to blessed with such amazing spirits. They can be obnoxious, they fight, and their rooms are always a mess, but they are amazing. I love them all so much, I feel like I didn't really have a heart until my children were born, they teach me how to love. Chris is so smart, funny and isn't afraid to try new things. Kate is quiet strength (like her dad), she has a very strong sense of right and wrong and is turning into a beatiful young lady. Kolbie keeps me young (but makes me feel very old sometimes). She loves and accepts people unconditionally. She always has smile and hug for anyone. I love my children so much.

2. I'm thankful for Greg. I love Greg. Our 16th anniversary is next month, and I never thought it was possible that I could love him more than I did the day we got married, but I do. I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel better (more relaxed and happier) when we're together. Hearing his voice and being around him makes me feel like things are going to be okay, even when sometimes, they aren't. Greg has never given up on me and expects me to do my best. He always tells me: Do your best, that's always enough. He takes his responsiblity as a husband and father seriously. He always does his best to provide for us all (that's a huge responsibilty) and I don't mean just financially. He always tries to do better when he's wrong. I think that Greg is about the most wonderful person on the planet, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to share his life with him.

1. I'm thankful for God and the Gospel. I've written in the past that I'm having a hard time with The Church right now, but I've never ignored that fact that my Heavenly Father loves me and has blessed more than I deserve. I know that faith ebbs and flows, and right now I'm struggling, but I know that Heavenly Father loves and and is supporting me through this. I'm grateful for all the wonderful examples of great faith that are all around me.

There are so many other things that I'm thankful for, but I thought I'd just do my Top 10. Katie just told me that I have to put Harley as something I'm thankful for. So: I'm thankful for my dog. He may not be in the top 10, but he's definatley in the top 20.

I hope and pray that everyone can have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I hope that this season is everything that you've ever hoped for. Hug your kids, kiss your husband (or wife), and tell your friends and family how much you love them. Have a great day! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Wonderful Weekend

I have been working, and working, and working. My schedule varies week to week, which I like (there are definate advantages) but I haven't had a true weekend in a long time.

Weekends at work can be very difficult. Saturday's are crazy busy, and Sunday's the store is full of what Cleber calls: "Godless people" (someone is ALWAYS difficult on Sundays). I really enjoy my work, but like I said, weekends are difficult.

Trish (bless her soul) gave me this weekend off. And it's been lovely. I got to sleep in yesterday till 9am (I'm usually up by 4:30am). Then I just hung around the house until Katie and I went to see Twilight yesterday afternoon. I really enjoyed the movie. It stayed much truer to the book than I expected, and I liked the casting. Nobody really looked like I pictured them in my head, but I thought they did a good job.

Then Katie and I rushed home and I watched THE BEST FOOTBALL GAME EVER!!!!!! I loved that game!!! It was perfect!!! Greg and Chris and I had a great time watching the game together.

This weekend has been so nice, I've even been able to see and talk to Greg. It feels like we never see each other now that I'm working again. I think Trish knew that I'd need a weekend to relax before Christmas. It was wonderful!!!! It's been a wonderful weekend.

Monday, November 10, 2008

My Best

With the Holiday Season upon us, I had to blog about my job.

I work retail. I'm the Logistics Supervisor (I'm a glorified dock worker, but I like it) for a major retail outlet. Every week I have to work Customer Service shifts as well.

SIDEBAR: Please be nice to all those who work retail this year! AND DON'T MAKE A HUGE MESS!!!!! Remember that somebody has to clean up after you. Also, DON'T LET YOUR KIDS RUN WILD WHILE YOU SHOP!!! I AM NOT A BABYSITTER!!!

Anyway, as I may have mentioned before, I have a boss that expects NOTHING but every ones best. That's not really a problem for me, I expect that of people on my shipment team. The only problem is that to my boss, every ones best is 150%, all the time. Everything has to be done, and done right, the way she sees things, and the way she wants things. That's not such a big deal, but it can be very stressful. Working retail and preparing for Black Friday is a daunting task. I have about a million things to do. Fluff Christmas trees, finish visual displays, decorate end caps, put up marketing, the list goes on and on and on!!!!!!!! I could work a 80 hour this week and not get everything done.

Yesterday was amazingly stressful. The store was a mess, and we had to get things put back together. I came home from work and yelled at my husband and kids (and they didn't deserve it) and cried. But I've decided something: I need to relax. (I know that comes as a shock to everyone who knows me.) I just need to work my hardest, and if things don't get done, oh well. My boss won't see it that way. But if I can look her in the eye and tell her I did my absolute best what else can I do?

Sidebar: My current boss, is the best boss I've ever had. Maybe having her expect so much isn't a bad thing, it's just incredibly stressful.

Monday, November 3, 2008

GO VOTE!!!!

This past Friday Chris and I both had the day off, so I made him go with me to run some errands (I couldn't let him sit on his butt and watch TV all day). Well, I decided to vote early. We stood in line and waited for over an hour, but I'm so glad that I took him with me, despite the fact that he can be REALLY ANNOYING when he stands in long lines. Must be the age. I just turned on my IPOD and tried to ignore him and not be embarrassed.

We talk politics all the time at our house. We talk about issues that are important to us, from presidential politics to trying to get a stop sign put on our corner. One thing is certain: Greg and I disagree more than we agree. But I think it's important that our kids hear us discuss things, especially when we don't agree. It shows them that you can disagree and still love and respect each other. I have to admit though, the words "idiot" and "fool" have been said from time to time.

Anyway, I took Chris with me to vote (he's 13). I would STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you to take your children with you to vote when they reach an appropriate age. I really didn't want to take Chris with me to vote, but I'm so glad that I did. Because he started asking me questions. Important, thoughtful, intelligent questions. Questions that he would NEVER have asked if he hadn't seen the process in action. I guess it made it seem more real to him.

Since we've talked about voting, it's plain to see that he does tend to be more "Conservative" than I am. But, he felt like it was okay to tell me how he felt and what he thought. I will NEVER tell my children who or what to vote for, I will however strongly encourage that they vote.

I am really looking forward to the election. I have significant worries about our country; economy, education, health care, retirement, the housing market, crime, the war. I will say that I don't agree 100% with either candidate, but my views are closer to one than the other.

I can get so upset with people when it comes to politics (even though I try not to). Today I read a blog written by a friend of Greg's. She said that she has been told by some people that she basically needs to rethink her vote. I don't even know this woman, but this MADE ME MAD!!!! I've been told this before myself, I'm too "liberal" (for the record, I don't think I would have been told this if I were a man). One thing I know for sure is that MY VOTE IS MY BUSINESS, I can tell you what I think, but DON'T EVER TELL ME that I need to rethink things. You can however tell me that you don't agree and why.

Well, that's my soap box for today. GO VOTE!!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Favorite Time Of The Year!

This is one of my favorite times of year. Late October. Because of the "Fall Classic" -- The World Series! The only thing that has disappointed me with the Series this far, is how little the people around me know about it.

For instance:

Today I asked our truck driver Steve if he caught the game last night. His response: "There was a football game last night? Who played? There usually aren't games one Wednesday nights!!"

While talking to my friends at work, I mentioned that I watched the game last night and enjoyed every minute of it, up until the Rays lost. Carrie and Brooke stared at me blankly and asked: "Who's playing?" I told them the Phillies and the Rays. Brooke then asks: "What's a Ray? Isn't that a big fish?" I had to walk away because it was at that moment that I knew -- I was the strange one.

Am I really that different for loving sports as much as I do, particularly baseball? Is it really that weird that I read books about baseball and watch games any chance I can get. I have "my" Mets website on my favorites and check it everyday -- even during the off season. And I ask my husband to take me to a pro-game for my birthday. I don't make fun of my friends that Scrapbook or do any of those other "crafty" things (even though I have been known to do crafts in my deep dark past).

I'm sad that the season is almost over "officially". But I'm anxiously awaiting April 6th -- the Mets season opener and April 13th -- the Mets Home Opener. I'm not as bad a Greg at least I don't have my cell phone counting down the days and minutes to the first pitch for my favorite team, but who know maybe I will go that far during the dark, dreary winter.

Note To Greg: I'm already looking forward to my Mets kicking the Dodgers butts in May!:) I love you!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Why Argue?

Today at work I made a comment to my friend Brooke that I wanted to buy my kids each a "VOTE NOW!" t-shirt (they are only $5 each--don't worry Greg I didn't buy them!) She gave me a funny look and asked: "Are you going to vote?" I replied immediately with: "OF COURSE I'M GOING TO VOTE, BROOKE! I always do!" She smiled at me and asked: "Who are you going to vote for?" I could tell that the minute she asked me this question she regretted it. But I honestly replied and told her that: "I'm going to vote for Obama." She looked relieved and smiled and said: "Good! Me too!" Then we started talking about politics a bit.

Anyway, the point of my little story is this: Why do we get so worked up about politics? I know that the reason why Brooke looked so uneasy when she asked me who I was going to vote for is because she didn't want to start a political debate. There are people that I don't mind talking politics with, like my friend Chuck. He and I rarely agree on anything political, but it's fun telling him that he's wrong. I HATE to talk politics with Greg, however. Greg and I don't see eye to eye politically and sometimes it makes me angry! I don't know why I can't just let things go when I talk to Greg about stuff like this. Now, I just don't bring it up. And if he asks me something political I just shrug my shoulders and try to ignore him. I've finally decided that when we talk politics we argue, we don't debate. And no matter what he says he's not going to change my mind about anything, and I'm not going to change his mind, so why argue?

I was wondering if you could help me with a little "project" that I'm working on. I've been reading a book called: "Beyond Belief" by Josh Hamilton a baseball player that play outfield for the Texas Rangers. I'm trying to talk Greg into taking me to see the Rangers play for my birthday coming up this spring. So if you could, would you all please tell Greg what a LUCKY guy he is for having a wife that asks to go to a baseball game for her birthday and that he should just fork out the money and take me to Texas this spring? I know I've stooped pretty low to ask for you to put pressure on Greg like this, but I REALLY WANT TO GO!!!! And I could use all the help I can get. I'll post more about the book later. Thanks!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Grateful

I was talking to my friend Erin the other day and she had run into a mutual friend of our. Erin told me that our friend had just left her husband because he started beating her. This started a conversation about husbands and boyfriends. Erin made the comment that she was really glad that she hadn't had to deal with that kind of drama. This conversation got me thinking about my husband.

I'm so grateful that I married Greg, he's amazing! I don't think he's wired to hurt me that way. Sure we argue and we've been in some BIG fights over the years (we've been together for 16 years -- WOW THAT'S A LONG TIME) but I just don't think that Greg could ever hit me or our kids.

Working where I do, I have a lot of friends that are younger than I am and aren't married. I am so glad that I'm not on the dating scene. Anyway, I'm surprised by how many women that I know that have to deal with their boyfriends being violent. It's a lot more common than I thought. I can't imagine having to add that to my list of worries.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Upsetting Public Service Announcement

Today is my day off work. I stayed up last night to watch Letterman with Greg, and slept late this morning. It was great! I got up and took a quick shower, turned on the TV while I was getting cleaned up and saw a Public Service Announcement that really upset me.

It starts with a mother and daughter just leaving the mall after a day of shopping and the daughter comments on how she loves the dress they just bought. At this point I should explain that the daughter is a young looking teenager I'd say maybe 14years old. The daughter then asks her mother if she can wear her new dress to a party a friend of hers is having this weekend, I think the friends name was David. The mother asks the daughter is there will be adults there? The daughter says no. The mother then asks if there will be alcohol there. The daughter says she doesn't know for sure but probably. The mom then tells her daughter that she can't go to the party. The daughter then gets upset and asks her mom what the big deal is "...it's not like I've never had a beer before mom." The mom then falls down a flight of stairs in shock. The thing that really upset me about this commercial was that at the very end you hear a voice that tells you to: "Set firm drinking limits for kids that are 10 or younger." The end.

Excuse me but, WHAT THE HELL!!!??? Set firm drinking limits if your kids are 10 or younger? Am I the only person on earth that has a problem with that? 10 years old? How about setting firm drinking limits period, regardless of age?

Drinking and substance is something that we talk about a lot with our kids because it's something that our family has had to deal with. I am ashamed to say that I have had problems with substance abuse. It's not something that I'm proud of and it's very embarrassing. It's also something that I would do just about anything to keep my children from having to deal with. Seeing this PSA really shocked me, aren't setting drinking limits for a 10 year old kind of a given? I still control how much caffeine my kids consume when they're 10, but maybe I'm just a little over protective and am a bit in the dark about reality.

When Chris started Jr. High this year drinking and drug abuse was (and still is) something that I really worry about. Teenage years are so hard and there are so many changes sometimes you just want to forget about things for a while, and substance abuse can help with that for a little while. Unfortunately, things just get worse when you start to remember again.

We have some very close friends who have struggled with a son that has huge issues with drinking and drug abuse. In fact, this kid has spent time in jail because of his addictions. This kid is an amazing good kid. He's handsome, smart, funny, very social he's just made some really bad choices. His family is amazing: they're active members of the church, they go to the temple, have family prayer and scripture study, family home evenings, they spend time together and with their friends. They're amazing people, the kind of people that makes you feel better about yourself when your with them, and they have this huge struggle with one of their children. When I talk to my friend about her son, she says that you just can't talk to your kids enough about how real temptation is. She tells me all the time: talk to your kids about temptation, get them as prepared as you can, and be sure they know that you love them.

I was told by another friend that you can't just tell your kids to stay away from temptation anymore like I was when I was younger. You can't just tell your kids to stay away from drugs, alcohol, pornography, and all the other things that we're all faced with everyday. He said that those days are gone! He told me that we have to teach our children what to do when they are faced with these temptations because they will be tempted.

My feelings about the church have cooled somewhat over the last couple of years. I can't put my finger on exactly what my problem is. Do I believe in the gospel? Absolutely. But I'm tired. I know that sounds lame, but I just don't have that pull to the "church" that I used to have. I wish I did. I started reading the Book of Mormon every night with Kolbie for her nightly reading, and I chose this book for completely selfish reasons. I want that pull back, and I hope that by reading from the scriptures every night with Kolbie that would help light that fire again. The guilt that I have about this situation is huge, but I just can't seem to get things going. The thing is, is that I want that feeling back, but I just can't seem to find it.

Anyway, back to that commercial. I'm not stupid enough to think that my children will always make the right choices. I just pray that they will make more right choices than wrong ones. I pray that I can figure out where I fit in the church and that I can feel that "pull" back to the church. I also think it's time that we had a talk about drugs and drinking. The kids need to know not only that it's bad for their bodies and spirits, but they need to know exactly what Greg and I expect of them. I think it's a good thing that I saw that commercial today.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Re-Inventing The Wheel

So today at work we had a shipment that was just under 5,000 units. Nothing was new and we had plenty of people to finish the shipment, but we didn't get finished. When I left there were 3 carts of shipment left to do (we use big shopping-type carts to get shipment from the backroom to the sales floor). It's depressing.

Trish came into the store for about 45 minutes today and will be out of town until Thursday, which take some of the pressure off. But Lisa, my direct supervisor, wasn't happy that we didn't get finished. On my way out, she asked me why things didn't get done. I really didn't have an answer for her. We got through most of the shipment, but then things seemed to come to a screeching halt when everyone was in the boys department. We have a really good team, but they do tend to be a bit chatty. I hate having to be the one to tell everyone to just shut-up and get back to work. I try to be nicer about saying it of course.

On the drive home, I was trying to come up with some grand idea of how to make shipments go easier and the only thing I came up with was to not re-invent the wheel. The company has set up shipments a certain way, and I feel that if we just do things the way the company has them set up, things will just fall into place. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to be the bad guy when it comes to talking and being sure that everything gets done on time. So what if nobody likes me, it's my butt that will get chewed-out if things don't get done.

I'm feeling a lot of pressure to get things done now, when things aren't so busy. We have to get things done now and be super-efficient before all the huge pre-Christmas shipments start showing up. If I don't get things under control now, it's going to be a very, very long Holiday Season.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Pathetic

For about as long as I can remember, Greg has always done a league of weekly football picks. And I almost always participate. But, I'm considering not participating anymore and here's why:

Last year Hayley (Greg's secretary's daughter) won. This year Tina and Hayley are currently number 2 and 3. The only problem? THEY CHEAT!!!!!! They go online and copy some "expert" picks. This drives me nuts! There are people who actually try to do well, and Tina and Hayley just copy.

Tina and Hayley will say: What's the big deal? It's only football picks, it's not like they matter. But they are ruining the fun for everyone else! And they're starting to tick me off!! I've participated for years, and Greg HAS NEVER told me which team to pick.

I know that I sound whiny, but KNOCK IT OFF TINA AND HAYLEY!!! If you can't handle just doing the picks on your own, then just don't participate!!! The idea of cheating is so un-original it makes me sick! This is supposed to be fun! And cheating only makes you look ridiculous! I know there are other people that participate that don't really care, like Louie. But at least he doesn't cheat, he does look pretty silly as he's flipping a coin to pick winners, but he doesn't cheat. On top of everything else, I was just informed that the over-all year end winner is given a prize.

There are about 75 people in this league and I know I'm not the only one that is irritated with the situation. I need to be clear about something: I don't lose sleep about this situation, it just makes me mad. I'm currently in 24th place (which is an all-time high for me), so it's not like Tina and Hayley are narrowly beating me out of first place. I just can't stand people that cheat, I think it's slimy. I don't understand why people think they are so special that the rules don't apply to them. Cheating at something like football picks is so unimaginative and pointless, in fact I think it's really pathetic.

NOTE TO TINA AND HAYLEY: The weekly football picks are supposed to be fun, but you guys aren't making it very fun because you chose to cheat. KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

IT'S A ......BOY!!!



It's official, I'm the proud parent of a TEENAGER! I know I risk sounding old when I say this but: WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE??!!! I can't believe that he's 13 today! Happy Birthday, Buddy!!

I can't believe that Chris was born 13 years ago. I keep thinking of all the changes he's made, and all the milestones he's passed.

Being a parent is something that I don't think anyone is ever really ready for, at least I wasn't. But being a parent is the most important thing about me. I love being a Mom, I don't think I really had a heart until Chris was born. He opened my eyes to so many things around me, and has taught me so much about myself.

I remember when I was pregnant with Chris, and Greg and I were having dinner with some good friends that were expecting their first baby just a few months before we were. The subject about being a working Mom came up, and I remember tell them that I didn't want to be a stay-at-home Mom. I remember my friends husband just staring at me and saying: "I bet things will change when you have that baby." Well, he right! Everything changed when I had Chris.

I'm not a perfect mom, and I don't have perfect kids, but to me my children are the most amazing creations! I love watching them learn and grow and they make me laugh! One thing about my kids is that they don't put up with all my crap, they keep me real. I love spending time with them. In fact, the one thing I HATE about being back at work is I miss my kids.

Anyway, 13 years ago today I became a mom to the most wonderful boy in the world. Since he was born, my life has changed so much and I'm so glad. I got the son I always wanted, I've been so blessed.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Saturday At The Mall

Well, today my friend Erin and I went to the mall and I had to endure one of life's biggest indignities. Bra shopping. I don't know about you but shopping for a bra is almost as bad as shopping for a swimsuit or getting a root canal.

I remember the first time I had a bra fitting. I was shopping for a wedding dress as ZCMI (now Macy's). I was wearing a beautiful dress standing on a pedestal looking at myself in the mirrors feeling absolutely beautiful. My Mom was even a little teary, when a lady walked by my mom stopped her and asked: "Isn't she just beautiful?" The response: "She looks nice, I guess. But she'd look so much better if she was wearing a decent bra." I was shocked and a little hurt. Who did this woman think she was? Of course your supposed to say that any woman in a wedding dress looks beautiful. Didn't she know that?

Well, the lady then said: "Go back to your dressing room, I'll be right in and we'll get you fitted with the right kind of bra for your body type."

Well, that sounded innocent enough, so off I went back to my fitting room. The lady came back and measured me and disappeared. She came back a few minutes later with her arms full of bras that "would fit me correctly". The next thing I know she's telling me to take off my old bra. I was 18, my mother and my little sister were there with me in the fitting room and some strange woman (who wasn't even smart enough to say that I looked pretty in a $600 dollar wedding dress) and I'm supposed to take my bra off? Excuse me, but ARE YOU KIDDING? I remember just standing there thinking that I must have heard wrong, until my mother said: "Come on Jill, I don't have all day. Do what the lady says." I have to tell you that at that point of my life I was very, very shy about my body (still am, by the way). I didn't know who this woman was, but I'm supposed to take my bra off for her? After a few minutes and her telling me, "Think of my like I'm your doctor" (that didn't help at tell), I finally took off my bra, and the fitting began. I remember her telling me how to "put my bra on correctly" (apparently there's a right and wrong way and of course I had been doing it wrong).

I was mortified. Looking back, this was a very traumatizing experience for me. My mom still thinks it was about the funniest thing she ever saw. This was a terrible experience. After that experience, I promised myself that I would never have another bra fitting again. Unfortunately, being bigger chested and hearing on Oprah that 8 out of 10 women are wearing the wrong type of bra I decided that I need to have another fitting.

Like most things what I pictured in my head was a lot worse than the reality of what really happened. Why do we do that, imagine things to be so much worse than they really are?

Well, my mission was successful. I bought 2 bras that I think will work very well. When I got home and told Greg that I'd spent $130.00 on bras he about had a heart attack. I told him that it's an investment, he didn't believe me.

Having a big chest is something that I've hated about my body for as long as I can remember. I HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! My family and even some of my friends tease me and I'm so self-conscience about it. I guess everyone has something about their bodies that they don't like, and that's at the top of my list. I would even have a reduction if I could.

Well, all in all, I had a very successful morning at the mall. On top of everything else I got to spend most of my day with one of my closest friends. It was really nice, I haven't gotten to go shopping like that for a long time. Erin and I spent the day wandering around and talking. We talked about Greg, Jake (her boyfriend), work, family and stuff. It was great. I don't feel like I've got very many really close girl friends, and I never do things like this with the short list of friends that I do have. Everyone is just so busy. Being able to spend time with Erin like I did today makes me happy and relaxed.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The Post-Season Starts On A Down Note

Okay, those of you who know me know that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE baseball. But this post season has started on a particularly bad note.

I am a Mets fan, my husband is not.

My husband is a Dodgers fan, I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who don't know the Mets blew a 3 game lead, and missed making the post season in the wild card spot by one stinking game!!!! The Dodgers won their division. I HATE THE DODGERS!!!!

So today on my lunch break I went and got a hamburger and sat in my car and listened to the Phillies-Brewers game. And to all my girlfriends who think I'm crazy, I don't tease you because you scrapbook! Anyway, I sat there eating my burger (that really hit the spot, by the way) listening to this ballgame, and got really upset. Not crying upset, just upset. All I could think about was how my team blew it AGAIN (we blew a 13 game lead last year). I honestly couldn't force myself to be happy for either team, my Mets should have been playing that game!! Instead, they just have to clean out their lockers. Greg loves it that my team didn't make the post-season.

Well, today the Cubs and the %$@(%&! Dodgers started their series. I got in my car after work and of course was listening to the game, just as some idiot on the Dodgers decides to hit a Grand-Slam!!! Greg will be insufferable tonight! I can just hear his glee and happiness. I think I'm going to be sick.

I can deal with my team not making the post-season. I really can, you can't make it every year -- it impossible. But the thing that I really can't handle is that not only did my team not make the post-season, but Greg's team did. This is bad, very, very bad.

GO CUBS!!!!!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Hug Your Kids

Today, I've been online looking at the obituary page of the Salt Lake Tribune. I'm sure many of you heard about the double murder in Salt Lake this past Monday. Well, I'm sad to say that I know the family of one of the murder victims.

I don't know that family well, but my heart is breaking for them. I knew them from the ward I grew up in. Nice family. Michael was adopted, and I remember when they got him. I thought he was the cutest baby I'd ever seen.

Thinking about this tragedy makes me very grateful that my kids were safe in their beds last night. The only thing that I can think of that would be worse than having your child murdered is having them taken and not knowing if they're okay. I keep thinking of Michael's parents and how difficult this must be for them. I can't imagine getting that phone call.

So today do me a favor, hug your kids twice as long, and tell them how much you love them. Also, in your prayers tonight please ask that this family will be okay, they need all the love and support they can get right now. Also, thank God for your children.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Time To Lead

Today at work, my boss Trish sat down and talked to me about what I need to do with the Logistics team. She talked to me about what I need to do to show the team that I'm in charge, and I'm the one they will have to answer to. The entire conversation made me feel uncomfortable. I worked at the Jordan Landing store before I got promoted, now I'm back and there are members of the team that were my friends (and some that weren't) I haven't talked to these people in almost a year, but I'm very nervous about being "in charge". There is one woman that I did not get along with before my promotion, and I'm a little nervous that she's going to give me a lot of grief.

As I think back to my conversation with Trish, I think she felt that she needed to give me permission to be in charge. Her exact words were: "You need to be large and in charge." She said that being a leader is part skill, part knowledge, and putting on the "jacket" and just being a leader. I'd never heard of being a leader put like that. I guess it's just time I quit worrying about people liking me and just went to work. I know that I can do this job, I just need to stop thinking so much and get to work.

Side note: Trish did ask me how my pain was. I told her that it's still there, but I'm doing okay. She told me that she supported me, but she has high expectations for what I can do. I told her that I didn't want to be defined by my health issues. She said she understood, but didn't want me to over do it either. I really like Trish, she's the best boss I've ever had. She's really smart, funny, and has great style. She also makes me laugh. I wish I was more like her.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I Am So Tired!!!!!

I know that I sound like a baby, but I am so tired! I've gone back to work this week -- I only worked 20 hours -- but I'm totally exhausted. I've forgotten how much work it takes to make one of those stores run.

Yesterday, I worked with the shipment team for the first time and I had a good time. There are some new faces, but some old friends too. My main job is going to be supervizing the shipment team with my friend Cleber. He's an intresting guy, and keeps me laughing most of the time. Anyway, it's going to be my job to make sure that we get everything done on time, and that the store looks like it's supposed to look. I know that sounds pretty simple, but corporate has very high expectations of what each store should look like.

I've said before that my job isn't very glamours or meaningful, but I have fun when I'm there. Old Navy has also given me a chance to set goals and achieve things I never thought I'd be able to do. I never thought that I would "be" much of anything away from my family, I didn't really think I had what it takes to achieve much in the workforce so I never really set my sights very high. I know that this must sound really stupid to most people, but I really enjoy what I do.

I am having a hard time right now. The first few weeks in a new store is always hard. Every store is a little different, you have to learn how things work and get to know new people. My General Manager, Trish is someone I respect a lot and I want to show her that I can be successful. I think right now my biggest problem is confidence and feeling overwhelmed. I know that I can do this job, but I just haven't gotten into the groove yet.

Believe it or not I think my family is happier (most of the time) when I'm working. I know that it takes a ton of pressure off of Greg financially. And the kids seem to really like me working. I think they like to have me home too, but I just tend to be a happier person if I can get out of my house for a little while. And the kids love the clothes. Kate and Kolbie even ask to go and see "my store" and meet my "work friends". Part of me feels bad that I'm not the "happy homemaker" that so many of us women strive to be, but Im happier when I work and so is my family. Things aren't perfect, working does make life more complicated. Trying to get everyone where they need to be when they need to be there is a challenge. Greg is so great about helping with as much as he can. When Greg finally realized how much I enjoy my job, I haven't felt like he thinks his job is more important than mine. He's even had to call in once or twice when we had sick kids. Greg's support means so much to me.

I have to weekend off but I'm planning of going and helping my parents get ready to move so it will be a tiring weekend, but I plan to relax on Sunday. Monday is going to be difficult there is so much to do. We're re-training the entire shipment team (to prepare for the holiday season), we have a decent sized shipment, we have to move half of the store around, and finish about a million other things. I'm only working 4 days next week, so hopefully I won't be too tired.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I've Been Tagged (AGAIN)

8 Things I'm Passionate About:

1. The Gospel
2. Greg
3. Chris
4. Kate
5. Kolbie
6. Spending time with my family!
7. Cross-Stitch
8. Work

8 Phrases or Words I Always Use:

1. Stop fighting!
2. Turn off the lights!
3. I love you!
4. Apologize like you mean it.
5. I need a hug!
6. We're going to be late!
7. No, I'm not buying fast food for dinner!
8. Time for bed!

8 Things I want to do before I die:

1. Be with Greg and all my kids in the Temple.
2. Run a marathon.
3. Write a book.
4. Be a size 8.
5. See the World Series in person.
6. Decorate my home.
7. Be debt free.
8. To be healthy.

8 Things I've learned in the past

1. How to be a good friend.
2. That I can achieve my goals if I work hard.
3. That I'm funny.
4. I can trust people.
5. How to keep score of a baseball game.
6. How to play fantasy baseball and football.
7. To be a sports fan.
8. I'm stronger than I thought I was.

8 Things I want or need:

1. New clothes.
2. Furniture.
3. A cleaning lady to come and clean my house every week.
4. A remodeled kitchen.
5. Gas prices to go back down.
6. New clothes for my kids.
7. Groceries.
8. A vacation!

8 Places I want to see:

1. Mount Rushmore
2. New York City
3. The Baseball Hall Of Fame
4. Disneyland
5. Alaska
6. Brazil (where Greg served his mission)
7. Hawaii
8. All of Europe

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Livin The Dream

16 years ago this month Greg and I got engaged. It's official: I'M OLD! But being old does have it's advantages. Like being able to look back at you life a little. Honestly, this is something I find myself doing a lot since my kids have decided to grow at warp speed.

So anyway, I've been looking back. I started thinking about the things that I wanted when Greg and I were dating.

First, I wanted a husband that loves me. I got even better than that! I have a husband that loves AND adores me. He tries to act all macho about things, but Greg has picked me up off the floor when things have been down, and let me shine when things are up. I am truly blessed to have him. I love him so much.

Second, I wanted children. I wanted smart, happy, loving children. I lucked out there too: because I got smart, happy, loving, beautiful, caring children. My only real complaint is that I wish they would stop growing so fast.

Third, I wanted a home. Well, we have a home. It's not my dream home, but it's ours. The kitchen is too small and it's a little torn up right now, but it's home.

Forth, I wanted a career. Basically I wanted something that I'm good at that will work with my family, and again I've been blessed more than I deserve.

I was talking to a friend today and it really hit me. I'm living my dream. Is it perfect? No. Most days it's not even pretty!!! The checking account is always too low, and the bills are always too high, but I've been blessed. The blue Mercedes that I wanted to drive when I 18 suddenly isn't as important anymore. It's funny how life can feel so complicated and then so simple. I've been blessed. I have a happy life. Sometimes life does throw me that curve ball, or even a change-up but I do what we tell Chris to do when he's playing ball: SEE IT, AND ADJUST!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Hi-HoHi-Ho--Off To Work I Go

Well, today is the big day. And I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm so nervous I'm shaking! I feel like I'm going to the most important job interview of my life! I've started reading Dr. Stephen Covey, and listening to his seminars on tape. In short: I'm going insane! I just called my sister and we had the "what if this" and "what if that" conversation. She said "What if you go into your meetings and things are just fine." I wish that I could say that my day if going to be filled with customers, replenishment, working on markdowns, folding t-shirts and jeans, but unfortunatley I'm going to spend the day in meetings. What fun. I'm still really jittery and I don't know if it's because I'm still have a bad reaction to my meds, or I might just be nervous.

Who knows?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I'm Scared

****Warning -- this post is more personal than usual.****

It's twenty after six in the morning and the meds I take to help me sleep have worn off, and I probably couldn't go back to sleep if someone paid me. My eyes just popped open. My legs are aching and feeling like they are going to fly away because of medication that I reacted badly too. And I start going back to work tomorrow.

Going back to work is something that I've been excited about and dreading for the last few weeks. I wrote before about my insecurities with the promotion I got earlier. Upon gathering more information, my entire job has changed. Now I don't work on the shipment anymore (so there goes one of my ideas of working my way back in because I'm really fast). My title was Logistics Supervisor, now it's Operations Manager. It will sound better on a Resume`, I just hope I don't have to use one. The worst part of this situation is there is one person who used to work at Old Navy, I worked with her for about a week before she quit, who is back and not saying very nice things about me. So my new General Manager is hearing all this stuff about me, and I don't even think he remembers my last name. This all makes me very nervous.

I also had so many plans to get things done around the house before I went back. I was going to have the laundry all finish, socks folded, ironing and everything done. Not done. I was going to have the rest of the house clean and ready to go, the bathroom did get clean, but last nights dinner is still in the kitchen. I know, it's gross. I think I've been trying to not think about work by not doing the things I know that I should to make life easier when I go back. I need therapy, lots and lots of therapy.

I think for you to understand why I feel so deeply about my job I should tell you about my life when I got hired. I got the phone call to offer me the job of Logoistics Associate while camping with my family down in San Pete County, so we could go to the Manti Pagent. It was a trip to celebrate the end of baseball, and the end of a relapse for me. I have a drug problem, and this job helped me find something that I was good at when I didn't think there was anything left for me. I loved this job from the moment I started, and it's helped me with so much. Literally, when I need to clear my head to think, I could go to work and feel better. When I was at a point in my life where I thought no one would ever want to be my friend, I found friends. For those of you who worry, no I haven't relapsed but the last few weeks have been really hard. I've been trying to get off my pills, and I'm sure that's one of the reasons I feel as crappy as I do. I just don't feel like myself.

I guess my biggest fear, is what if all those things have changed? What if work isn't a haven for me but a war? What if I don't feel like I'm being successful? Greg just tells me walk into work like you've never been gone, stop thinking so much and just do what you know how to do. That sounds like a simple enough plan right? Maybe work turned into something it shouldn't for me, and I should just let it be work, but I love that place. I just hope that it still loves me back. I want to be an asset to my store, and co-workers, that's the goal. I just don't know if I can get past my fear.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my old General Manager, my new General Manager, the Distric Manager and little old me. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Cheering Section

Today, Chris ran in a Cross-Country track meet. I am so proud of him, I could just explode.

My Dad and I got there just as things Chris' heat was starting. I'd never been to a track meet before, so it took me a minute to figure things out. I found Chris right away and watched him run. I took off and ran to different parts of the course so Chris could see that I was there and he could hear me cheer for him.

Chris isn't a runner by nature, but he did such a great job! He took 68th out of
74. He didn't give up and that, to me is so much more important than taking first place.

The one thing that I did notic was that when Chris saw me, my father and sister-in-law, Greg and my dad he did perk up and did better. I guess the main thing I learned from this experience was:

1. Don't give up.

and

2. Every kid needs a cheering section.

My favorite thing in the world to do is to watch my kids do something that they love and work hard for. And trust me, Chris worked hard for this track meet. I don't think I've ever been so proud of him. I've watched Chris compete in many different sports, but this one was different. He was on his own, he wasn't part of a team. He did great and I'm so proud of him!

I can't wait to cheer for him again!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Adventures In Reading

Tonight Kolbie and I were reading Ramona The Pest ,we were on the bottom bunk reading and Katie was on the top bunk doing her reading. Kolbie got stuck on the word Beezus (the nickname of Ramona's older sister Beatrice). And Kolbie said:

"Beezus? It sounds kind of like Jesus!! Funny!!!"

Then we heard from the top bunk:

"Mom, I think Kolbie is related the Ramona. She's a pest too!"

This made me laugh hysterically. Kolbie can be funniest kid I know. Getting Kolbie to read can be very difficult. In fact, the only way that I can get her to read without a fight is if we take turns. She reads one page, I read on page. The thing that I love the most about reading with Kolbie is just the time I spend with her. Kolbie is a cuddler, and she loves to cuddle and read.

After reading Jenny's blog about Michelle reading it really got me to thinking about Kolbie and her struggles with reading. Her teacher last year told her that if she didn't start reading better then she would fail the 2nd grade. Who tells a 7 year old that? I never really appreciated how much the traumatized Kolbie until this year. She told me that she doesn't want to hear her teacher tell her she's going to fail again. As terrible as it was for her to hear, it lit a fire under her to do better. So it's not all bad. Looking back, I wish I would have stood up to her teacher a little more. Who tells a second grader that they're going to fail at least like that?

That's all for today.

By the way, did you know that when you call Dominos to order pizza, you call a call center? FYI...

Sunday, September 7, 2008

American Entertainment Reaches New Low

My family watches TV on Sundays. We probably shouldn't, but we do. Why? Because football is on Sundays. Greg and I were watching a game today on Fox and they started advertising for a new show call Hole In The Wall. It's a game show. A really stupid game show. The idea of this show is a wall made of styrofoam with shapes punched out of it moves toward the contestants. The contestants make the shape that's in the wall without falling into a pool of water or making a bigger hole. Who ever thought this up came from the shallow end of the gene pool. One of the contestants said that the greatest acheievement of their life was laying on a couch watching TV for 80 straight hours! What an achievement. Did that include bathroom breaks?

I know that American entertainment has really hitting the bottom of the barrel but this is terrible. My family does watch Wipe-Out every Tuesday night and we laugh the entire time, but that's the point of a show like that. I still don't really know what the meaning of Hole In The Wall is. Things have gotten so bad on TV that people will do almost anything to win money. The worst part of this show (other than the terrible outfits that the contestants wear) is that there are 2 hosts. One man and one woman. The man stands up just before the wall starts moving and shouts: Prepare for the Hole!! The job of the woman is to stand there in a really short skirt, flip her hair, smile, flirt with the losers on the show and be very, very, very annoying.

TV has gotten so bad that I generally watch movies now. I don't know what I'd watch without our Netflix subscription. TV has gotten so pointless. I really don't want to watch people acting like fools for money. But I guess that's what TV has always been about.

I remember listening to a John Bytheway talk about TV. He encouraged people to not watch TV for 30 days and see what happened. I don't know if I could do it, I love watching sports too much. Could you stop watching TV for 30 days?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Going Back to Work

Today I drove (all by myself) to my doctors office to pick up a note that my boss asked for. Then I went into work for the first time since March. My official return to work date is September 14th. I'm so nervous every time I think about it I want to throw up.

Since going on disability (I was forced to by my previous General Manager) they have changed my General Manager. I've never worked with Bobby before (for any extended period of time). He seemed pleased that I brought in what he asked for, so I asked him how I thought everyone would take my coming back. FYI: My official title is Logistics Supervisor. He said that he didn't really know how everyone would take me coming back. He said that he's heard some negative things, but promised not to make any judgements about me until I've come back to work. That's fair, but it also puts a ton of pressure on me to perform well.

When I got my promotion last November I felt like I'd hit the jackpot, AND won the lottery. I'm still surprised that I have this position. Don't get me wrong, I've worked my ass off (sorry) to get that job, but I don't know if I really deserve it. And I don't know if I can be successful. Greg tells me that "...of course you can be successful, just stop thinking so much." Thanks my darling husband, but that doesn't make me feel much better.

I guess my game plan is to focus on my strengths. Which have always been, Markdowns (not my favorite thing), make sure signage is correct, upstock, and speed, speed, and speed. Maybe if I focus on those 4 things I just might make it. The weird thing is, before I got this promotion, I felt very, very confident in what I do. I just wish I could feel that way again, and quick!!!!!!!!!

I know that my job isn't very glamours, I don't teach children, care for the sick, or read to the blind, but I love my job! Even if it's just helping run and Old Navy. I know it's just T-shirts and flip-flops, but I love every last t-shirt and every pair of flip-flops.

Pray for me, I could use all the help I can get!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Our Bright Future






Over the last week or so Kolbie has shown an amazing amount of intrest in stories about our wedding. I don't know why, but she asks me every night, "Mom, come and tell me stories about when you and Dad got married."

On Sunday I was laying down in my room and Kolbie walked in and saw my closet open. She pulled out my Temple Dress and asked if that was the dress I got married in. When I told her no, she asked if I still had my dress. When I told her I did, she started begging me to get it out so she could "... really look at it!" I couldn't resist! When I got it out I had to let her try it on, and as you can see she looked so beautiful! And then of course I had to let Katie try it on too. I think that Kate and Kolbie are the two most beautiful girls on the planet, but they looked even more amazing in my beautiful dress. Kolbie even asked if she could wear my dress for Halloween. When I told her no, she asked if she could wear it when she got married. This made me laugh because chances are she'll change her mind about that one.

With Kolbie asking so many questions about my wedding, it's forced me to take some trips down Memory Lane. As I look back, I have a list of thing that I'd do different, but honestly the day I got married was one of the 4 happiest days of my life (the other 3 were when the kids were born). I remember being so happy, and honestley I still am. Greg and I have had our rough times, and we still argue about stupid things that don't matter, but I love Greg more than I ever thought I could. We've been together for over 16 years now, and I'm still so happy. When I look back at our rough times it proves to me how much Greg loves me and how committed he is to me and our children.

Seeing my girls with my wedding dress on made me feel so excited for our future. The teenage years still freak me out a bit (I'm way too young to be the mother of a teenager, right?) but our future is bright. I'm sure there will be bumps in the road and a couple of detours, but I'm excited about our future.

Won't these two make beautiful brides one day?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Assignment

I just want to say in advance that I have not decided who I will vote for to be our next President.

The other day, I gave Chris and Kate an assignment. I told them that they had to listen to the speeches of the Presidental nominees from each party, then we're going to sit down and talk about it. When the kids told Greg about their "assignment" he rolled his eyes and laughed. He acted like that was the stupidest idea he had ever heard.

Honestley, giving my kids this assignment was meant to teach them to listen, then decide. When it comes to politics, especially Presidental or National Politics to many of us say: "...well, I'm a Democrat." or "...I'm a Republican." Really? Well do you really know how "your party" feels about certain issues? Maybe your opinion isn't as close to "your" party as you thought. I'm not saying that I'm completely innocent, but I try to be informed. No matter how depressed it makes me.

I have a friend (you know who you are) that completely votes down party lines. Well, I don't think that's the way the "framers" of the Constitution intended us to vote. But maybe I'm wrong. This friend and I always have friendly debates about this every autumn. I just feel that we were given the right to vote, but not vote blindly. Truth be known, I don't think my friend votes blindly, but I have to have something to argue about.

So, Barak Obama is accepting his party's nomination tonight, and I can't wait to watch it with my kids. I find it intresting that 45 years (to the day) after Dr. Martin Luther King gave his "I Have A Dream" speech, an African American man will accept the nomination of a major political party by narrowly beating out a woman. I don't know who has earned my vote, but I think that's something that I want see.

So tonight, my kids will complete half of their assignment, and I'm really intrested to hear what they think about things. Since their my children I'm sure that they'll have some pretty strong opinions about things.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Safe At Home

Well, today was the first day of school. And it was a tramatic day for me, not the kids, not Greg, just me. Infact, the kids were so excited I didn't even have to wake them up this morning, I'm sure that won't last too long. The kids got ready for school without any help from me, and were out the door.

I had a doctors appointment. My implant was programmed and my stitches were removed (I'm glad I don't have to do that again any time soon). I'm going to be going off my meds YIPEE!!!!!! Anyway, I got home and the house was just too quiet, and I didn't like it at all.

I spent the afternoon reading and then I heard the sirens. I kept thinking: "Would I be able to hear sirens from the Jr. High?" "What if something has happened, with Chris in Jr. High the kids aren't together anymore." And on and on and on. It got so bad I called Greg and Aly to ask them if I'd be able to hear the sirens if they were at the Jr. High. Nothing happened, but I'm a worrier by nature, thanks Dad.

Anyway, Chris came home and ran straight to the bathroom, apparantley today was 7th Grade Mob Day, and he was scared he was going to get beaten up if he went to the bathroom. ???? Long story short, he was fine, he had a good day and he seemed happy.

Then, the girls got home. They were so happy. Kate loves her teachers and Kolbie is so excited to be in Miss Curtis' class. So basiclly everybody had a good first day of school. 1 down 180 to go.

I was just in the front room laying on the couch listening to my children playing playstation, looking for an afterschool snack, and searching for a pair of lost flip-flops, and I was ......happy. I was happy to have my children safe at home. We're all so busy all the time, it was just great to have the kids home, happy and safe. The only thing that would have made that moment more perfect would have been to have Greg here with us.

Carin, my friend drove me to my doctors appointment and we were talking about some issues that are in the news, and later I was talking to my sister and it got me thinking about having a safe place to fall. I have been critical of friends who I felt couldn't let go of their kids at all, but maybe I've been a little too eager to let go. Maybe the best thing for my kids is to be safe at home. I know I can't keep them little forever, but what's wrong with not wanting my kids to be too jaded to soon? Having them here with me today, I literally felt at peace. But maybe I'm making more of Jr. High than I really need to. Who knows? Maybe it's okay to let go of your kids in somethings, but hold tight to them in others.

Why did I feel like I was sending Chris into a battle zone when he left for school today?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Another Lagoon Experience

As I said before, when we went to Lagoon, I spent most of the day observing the people around me. Here's an obersavtion for the record books:

We were walking over towards the Wild Mouse when a young couple walked past us. The guy was wearing a pair of black shorts and a "wife beater" tank top. The girl (notice that I don't call her a lady) was wearing a one piece swimsuit (I've scene string bikini's cover more skin) and a denim mini-skirt. The skirt was very, very mini. Well, the girl had a wedgie, and she chose to pick her wedgie by reaching under her skirt and jumping and wiggling. Greg saw the same thing that I did and started to chuckle. Katie saw it and asked me if I noticed it and what was that girl thinking? My reply: I don't know what she's thinking but that's not lady-like. Kate: Duh, Mom.

Maybe I'm too Old School, but what the heck happened to manners? They sure don't seem to matter anymore. From getting flipped off during rush hour traffic to belching at the dinner table, what's going on? I hate to say it but my Grandmother would be disgusted with the fact that manners don't matter anymore. I won't say I'm perfect, but I do try, and I don't allow my children to forget manners either. Maybe I'm just too "Old School".

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Lowest Of The Low

My family and I spent Thursday at Lagoon. I loved being with the family but Lagoon itself was very boring to me because I was afraid to go one anything that would cause my pain level to skyrocket. I did breakdown and go on Wicked, it was really fun.

Being at Lagoon the main thing I did was people watch, and trust me Lagoon is an interesting place to watch people. The five of us were standing in line for the Log Ride and Michael Kirby, a kid we met through baseball was in line just ahead of us. As we were talking a group of people got off the ride and one of the guys got into a "adult size stroller". Michael turned around and said to me: "See that guy he's not really handicapped, they're just doing that so they don't have to wait in line." To be honest, I tried to ignore Michael. I honestly thought that he was judging the group unfairly. I even told him that you can't see every handicap.

Well, about 45 minutes later Greg, Chris and I were standing in line to go on Wicked, and who should arrive? The group that Michael was talking about. But, SOMEONE ELSE WAS SITTING IN "THE STROLLER"!!!!!!!! Then a while after that I was sitting waiting for my family's turn on the Bumper Cars to end, and who should arrive? You guessed it, the same group. AND SOMEBODY ELSE WAS IN THE STROLLER!!!!! AND THE TWO OTHER GUYS THAT I SAW SITTING IN THE STROLLER WERE PUSHING HIM AND WALKING WITH THE GROUP!!!!!!!!

Seeing this I literally got sick to my stomach. Then I got mad, really mad, but not mad enough because I didn't do a darn thing about it. I honestly don't know what I could have done, if I had said something to them I probably would have gotten a knuckle sandwich. But maybe I should have told a security guard or something.

I can't believe how low people will stoop because they can't be patient and wait their turn! I saw Michael after seeing the group the third time and told him what I saw, and that I was sorry for being so snotty to him. He said something interesting. He told me that he thought that what they were doing was wrong because he thought that they were making fun of people with disabilities.

Even now, when I think about this entire incident, I think it's really sad. Sad because these peoples lives are so pathetic that they have to drop to new lows because they are trying to feel important. Sad because these people most likely think they were being funny. And the saddest thing is that I didn't do or say anything when I should have. I'm disappointed with myself.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

My Breaking Heart

Over the last few months I've been reading a blog called Baldy's Blog. It was written by a 26 year old man that lived in England who was dying of Lukemia. I went to his blog today, and read a post entitled: Adrian Passes Away. And my heart is breaking.

Adrian had a bone marrow transplant, and went into remission, but unfortunatley his cancer returned. He decided against any major treatment, so the fact that he has passed away isn't much of a surprise. But why does my heart hurt so much, for a man I never met or even talked to in any way?

Adrian had spent the last few months of his life trying to get the English government to teach about bone marrow and organ donation in public schools. This is something that I can appreciate since my dad is currently on a list for a liver. The thing that struck me the most, is that this man knew he was going die and chose to spend his time trying to make things better for other people who are sick. How many of us would have "stuck our head in the sand", and just spent our remaining time with our families and friends? I know that I'm not strong enough to do something like he did.

I guess the most we can really hope for at the end of our lives is that this world was made a little better because we were here. Adrian taught me lots of things, but I guess the thing that I will remember most is: use the time you have wisely, and we can all make a difference.

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends. Many of whom helped Adrian with his petition to the governement. I think that I'm going to find our if I can be a bone marrow donor, I don't know if I can because of my health issues, but it's worth my time to find out.

Thank you Adrian!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The Redeemed Team?

I've been watching the Olympics A LOT!!! But one thing I refuse to watch is Men's Basketball. If you've read my blog for a while you know that I'm not a fan of basketball. I think I should change that opinion: I'm not a fan of professional basketball, I can handle college and high school basketball. But I digress, I DETEST the Olympic Mens Basketball team!!!

On the way to the hospital on Thursday we were listening to ESPN Radio and they asked an intresting question. If you would watch Michael Phelps swim or the Basketball Team play, what would you watch? I'd have to say I'd watch Michael Phelps, but if the question was: Would rather watch paint dry or the Basketball Team play what would you watch? I'd pick watching paint dry.

If the basketball team were made up of the best college players in the country, it might be more intresting. The team they have now has made it almost impossible to lose, and I hate that. I feel watching a team play that cannot be beaten is boring, and a bit insulting. Why all this big talk about this team? They win by so many baskets it sickening! The big talk was about Greece and how the team needed to avenge a loss in the last Olympics. What's the fun of watching a team that can't be beaten?

I know I'm probably in the minority, but I feel that watching a team that can lose is more exciting than watching a team that's unbeatable. I guess my main questionis: What's the point? What's the point of watching a team that not only can't be beaten, but wins by huge amounts every game? What's the fun in that? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe they will lose, but I doubt it.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My Mom




This is my Mom. Anything good about me comes from something this beautiful woman taught me.

My Mom will love me no matter what, and that's pretty amazing to me. My mom has always been a working mom, but I never felt like there was anything more important than our family to her. There have been times that have been difficult for my mom, but she has shown me over the years that she will do anything for her children. Even if it's painful.

Mom amazes me about so many things. She can always change my perspective about things. And she loves to tease me about the silly things I do. The best thing about my mom is that she is happy if we're happy. The main expectation that Mom has had for me over the years is to be happy and productive. When I'm happy with my life, Mom's happy. When I'm not being productive or am doing something I shouldn't she is the first to tell me to shape up.

Mom for me is grace personified. With Dad being sick Mom's in a position that she never thought she would be in. Most days she does an amazing job of keeping things going. She can even deal with me and my emotions about Dad being sick. Mom has dealt with the realities of Dad being sick in such a graceful way.

Mom loves being a Grammie (grandma) to all her grandchildren. Her face lights up when she sees her grand kids, it's a great thing to watch. She tries to have snacks at her house just for the kids (and when I say just for the kids, I mean just for the kids -- I got scolded for eating those snacks). She loves those kids so much.

My mom is my truest friend. She is always on my side (except when I'm wrong), and is the first one to tell me I'm wrong. My Mom is someone I can laugh with and tell secrets to. My Mom is the first person I go to when my heart is breaking, and when I'm over the moon happy.

Sometimes I worry because I'm afraid that she feels like she's not as important to me, as my Dad is. But she's just as dear to me as anyone. Abraham Lincoln once said: "Everything I am is because of my angel mother". That's how I feel about my Mom. Everything good about me comes from something she taught me. Thank you Mom for just being you! I love you!