Saturday, December 27, 2008


Sometimes at work we have so much to do that we have to work all night. (I've said before, there's A LOT more to running a clothing store than just folding clothes.) The night of December 23rd was one of those nights. The store was open until midnight, then a small group of us was scheduled to stay several more hours.

At about 10:30p.m. Andrea and I went back to one of the offices that sit side by side just off the backroom. Both office doors were open. The empty office can be used by the District Manager, but he is based out of Logan, so we use that office to store our marketing. The other office is used by the management team to run the store. Andrea and I went back to the office to print some signs for some markdowns that we were working on. I gave Andrea what she needed and I was going to stay in the office to print some things. Andrea walked away and then started yelling: "FIRE!! FIRE!!! THERE'S A FIRE!!!" I jumped up and ran out of the office, and sure enough the chair in the District Managers office was on fire! It was really on fire! The flames were over a foot tall!!! I yelled into the walkie-talkies that we wear for Trish to get back to the backroom RIGHT NOW! Then, I grabbed the fire extingisher and put the fire out!! Using a fire extingisher is just like it seems in the movies. At this point Trish comes running into the backroom and asked: "What the heck is going on back here?!" Then she smells the fire, sees the smoke, hears me and Andrea coughing, and is: speechless. Sometimes there is just nothing to say. We spent the next 45 minutes trying to air out the back room, cleaning up the mess from the fire extinguisher, filing incident reports, and just trying to keep things under control. A little while later I was sitting at one of the two computers in the office (the office that didn't catch on fire) and Trish came in and sat down. She asked me if I was okay and all I could do was laugh. I laughed until I cried, the kind of laugh that makes your belly hurt. She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. When I got myself under control again all I could tell her was that sometimes you have to laugh so you don't cry.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

What a day! I'm so disappointed!!

Look how cute he is!!!

So after years of begging and pleading, I finally got Greg to take a day off work to spend with me for our anniversary. The fact that he took a day off at all is AMAZING, I've seen that guy go to work with the stomach flu.

Anyway, Greg took the day off and had some fun things planned for us. I woke up feeling fine, a little groggy, I have been getting to bed late the last couple of nights, but I felt okay. So, Greg took me out to breakfast. And as I was looking at the menu of yummy pancakes, waffles, and french toast, I started to not feel so good. You should have seen the look I got from Greg when all I could order was a fruit bowl. After we ordered, I just sat there, and Greg kept asking me if I was okay. By the time our food got to our table, I knew I wasn't okay. I ate one grape and had to go running for the bathroom. That's right folks, I got sick in an IHOP bathroom. DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!

The plan after going to breakfast was to go and see the BODY WORLDS exhibit at the Leonardo. I've been wanting to go to see it since it came to Salt Lake. Greg, bless his heart, was going to take me. We drove up to Salt Lake, me feeling worse and worse, but I wasn't going to ruin my day with Greg. So, we went to the exhibit. Cost 44 bucks. Well, I got sick there too. Fortunately, I didn't embarrass myself too much because I made it to the bathroom. Barely! The exhibit was amazing, but NOT the kind of thing you should go to if you feel sick to your stomach.

Greg's plan after Body Worlds was to go shopping at Gateway and finish up our Christmas shopping. But I just couldn't do it. I felt so bad when I asked Greg if he could just take me home. He was great about it (like he always is about this kind of thing) and took me home after a quick stop to Walmart. He bought me some Cherry Coke to settle my stomach, and the James Bond movie Casino Royale to watch. He's so sweet.

I've always had huge issues with guilt. ALWAYS! And I'm having tons of guilt today. He never takes the day off work, and he did just after a couple of big snow storms, so work is really busy. I was so excited to spend the day with him with no kids, no cell phones, no work, and I got sick! I know that it wasn't my fault, I didn't mean to get sick, but geez!!! I was hoping that this would be the beginning of a new tradition for our anniversary, but I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to take another day off to spend with me for a long, long time.

So, this is how Greg spent the rest of his afternoon:

That's not so bad, is it? I just wish today could have gone so much different. I ruin everything. I'm sure this is something I'll laugh about, someday!!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

16 Years!!!!!

Look at what I got at work today:

Today Greg and I are celebrating our 16th anniversary!!! WOW!!!! We have officially doubled the length of an average marriage in the United States. I mentioned this to my Dad and he told me: "Well, don't worry about being AVERAGE!!!!!" AMEN!!!!!

I am so happy. Not just today, but with life in general. Work is crazy, home is crazier, and I'm still in alot of pain, but I'm happier than I've been in a long time. It's refreshing!

I was looking at our wedding picture and we look SO YOUNG!!!!! I was only 18 when we got married (a child bride), but I'm happy.

I must have done something right sometime in my existence to deserve such an AMAZING husband. Heaven knows that I've given him reasons to not like me very much, (he has also given me reasons to not like him either) but he's stuck with me. Even when I turned stupid for a couple of years. I really don't know what he sees in me.

These are some of my favorite things about Greg:

1. He's HOT!
2. He's funny!
3. He makes me smile!
4. He's an amazing father!
5. He's an amazing son!
6. He's a great provider!
7. He taught me how to keep score to a baseball game.
8. He listens to me (or pretends to) when I need to vent.
9. He always expects my best.
10. He sees the best in me and everyone around him.
11. He has amazing faith!
12. He tends to sees the big picture!
13. He takes me to the movies and dinner when he doesn't want to.
14. He talks sports and politics with me.
15. He's my best friend!
16. He loves me!!!

I really think I've got the most amazing husband on earth. When I look back at the last 16 years, I think we've had more happy times than sad, and there is really no one on earth I'd rather be with. We were talking to a friend at church who is a widower and just got engaged. We were congratulating him, and he said: "It's so nice to have a companion again. You two are so blessed." This reminded me how fortunate I am to have Greg to lean on when I need to. Sometimes I think I lean on him too much, but now I feel like he's helping me stand on my own. Does that make sense?

Some things he does DRIVE ME CRAZY!!! Like:

1. He's a Cowboys fan.
2. He's a Dodgers fan.
3. He likes David Locke.
4. He and I don't agree on politics, most of the time.
5. He puts spicy Velveeta Cheese on his Doritos. GROSS!!!!
6. He eats said Doritos and then ties to kiss me!! I HATE the smell of Doritos! He also does this with black licorice. NASTY!!

As much as anniversaries make us look back, this year I'm looking forward. I am looking forward to the years to come! I know that things can change, but I'm going to do my best to keep them from changing.

Being with Greg makes me happy!!!

I love you!

Thanks for the flowers!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sweet Revenge!!!!

Today, I got my revenge on Kolbie for being such a stinker at church last week (see: Kolbie what am I going to do with you post).

Before we came home from church today, Chris came over and announced that he was going to be set apart as the Secretary of the Deacon Quorum. Well, okay. Greg and I thought that they would ask a kids parents if it was okay if they were called to a calling, but whatever.

So, Kolbie comes up and says: "What's taking so long? Can we leave now? I'm hungry!!!"

Greg turns to her and says: "No, the Bishop wants to talk to you."

Kolbie: "About what?"

Me: "About your behavior last Sunday!"

Kolbies eyes got as big as dinner plates, she folded her arms and marched herself right out of the church. Greg and I thought that she was going to start walking home, but it was just too cold. She decided to stand outside and stare us down for a minute. So, the Bishop called us all into his office. The Bankheads were there, Brother Gustafson, Derrick Jensen, the Bishop and Brother White.

The Bishop walks right up to Kolbie and says: "I understand that you upset your mother last week."

Kolbie: "Um." At this point she glances over at Greg and I and sighs.

SIDEBAR: Greg and I are trying to control fits of glee.

Bishop: "You know you shouldn't act like that at church, right?"

Kolbie: "Well, yeah I guess."

Bishop: "Don't upset your Mom like that again. Okay?"

Kolbie: "Okay."

Fortunately for me, Kolbie didn't know that I told the Bishop the entire gruesome truth about why I got so mad and left last week. He actually though it was pretty funny.

We have all been home from church for about 30 minutes and Greg and I are soooooo happy!!! I hope Kolbie learned a lesson from this!!! I'm just glad that Greg was smart enough to tell Kolbie that the Bishop wanted to talk to her in the first place. CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Now I'm just DISGUSTED!!!!

As you all know, I'm a huge baseball fan!!! I can't wait for opening day. But today, I've just had it with baseball!!!

The Yankees just signed C.C. Sabaitha (sp) to a 7 year 164 MILLION dollar deal. Excuse me but, WHAT THE HELL?

In the last few months Wall Street had to be bailed out by the government and now The Big 3 are begging for money, but the Yankees can afford 164 MILLION DOLLARS? For a pitcher that chokes in the post-season? Come on, really?!

I know that the Yankees and my beloved Mets have the most money to spend on "talent" but this is ridiculous!!

SIDEBAR: Greg, the Dodgers have one of the biggest markets in baseball, so I don't want to hear one word from you about my Mets! I bet the Dodgers spend big money this winter? For example: How much did they offer Manny?

It seems to me, that in an environment when people don't know if they're going to have a job in the next 7 months (let alone the next 7 years) that money could be better spent.

I get that sports are entertainment. I REALLY GET IT!! One of the reasons that I love baseball so much is that I can forget so many other things for a couple of hours. But 164 MILLION DOLLARS TO THROW A BALL? Also, how much money is Tom Cruise going to make on his new movie? Unfortunately, some of his paycheck will be my money, that movie looks really good!

The picture of entertainment is starting to make me gag!!! Brad and Angelina are living in (un)wedded bliss and NEVER look like they've been up all night with infants or sick kids. Jennifer Aniston is the perfect wife or girlfriend. Heidi Klum has never had plastic surgery (that woman has had like 3 babies, yeah right! She's just genetically superior! Some things genetics can't prevent. LIKE STRETCH MARKS!!) Nicole Kidman has always been the loving supportive (never angry or hurt) wife of an alcoholic. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have overcome anorexia. Roger Clemens really wasn't on "the juice". Stephanie Meyers has never had writers block!!! And A-Rod and Madonna are "just friends". GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

Another thing I understand is that many of these people do some very good things. There are tons of foundations and organizations to help the less fortunate, but this is turning into a joke.

But guess what? Sometimes we just need to escape!!! Sometimes we need to sit in a movie theatre, baseball stadium, basketball arena, turn on the TV, or read a good book. Sometimes life gets so crazy and nuts, that you just need to turn your brain off for a few minutes. At least I do. What I can't understand is how we worship and throw money at these people. I know that these people can do things that I could never do (watching a big league pitcher is amazing if you really think about it). I could never throw a ball, hit a ball, make a basket, sink a putt, write a book, and I feel like an idiot anytime a camera comes within 20 feet of me.

But what about the "average joe"? I know that things are tight at my house. We're cutting back on so much (we needed to do that anyway), and so are most of my friends. I have friends that have lost jobs and don't know how they're going to survive. I'm worried about my own job. Today, hearing about 164 million dollar deal, is just too much for me to handle!

All that being said, if I had to opportunity to play a game and get paid money like that I wouldn't say no. Would you?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Memories and Questions

Some experiences in life can really take you back and make you think. I've had a couple of those today.

Today I had to opportunity to look back to a time in my life I'd rather forget, but I'm kind of glad that I don't. One thing I've learned over the years is that God forgives and forgets, but we aren't supposed to. Meaning that some lessons aren't meant to be forgotten. Sometimes we need to remember how miserable we were, so we can say: I chose to not do that again.

Forgiving myself is my greatest sin. I can seem to give most people a break but I can never seem to forgive myself. As my mothers says: I am my own worst critic. My best never seems good enough, and when I fall I fall further and harder than anyone else. I also can be a bit dramatic (can you tell?).

Another thing I've learned is that we are not only our worst decisions. I'm a an addict, but that's not all that I am. I will not be defined by my worst moments. I am more than just my bad decisions. My bad decisions will always be a part of who I am, but they are not all that I am. I am better than my worst moments.

I was reading in ESPN The Magazine about Josh Hamilton (one of my personal hero's). He's a drug addict that was banned from baseball, was reinstated and has made all kinds of history (see: Homerun Derby 2008).

"And then he was interviewed by ESPN's Erin Andrews, and as he spoke with her -- about God, being saved, about the heights that can be reached even from life's lowest watermarks..."

After reading this quote, I couldn't get it out of my mind. Can heights be reached from life's lowest watermarks? What does that mean? It means that we need to learn. I learn most of my lessons the hard way, but I'm trying to catch on as fast as I can.

Another thing I've learned is that the more we think we're different, the more we're all the same. I have a problem with addiction, what's your problem? We all have one. No one should sit in judgement of others because we all struggle.

Tonight I went to Relief Society Enrichment Night and we talked about the Parable of the 10 Virgins. The Bishop made a comment at the end that it's hard to believe that Christ would leave some of us behind, but that's what will happen if we're not prepared. At first this upset me, then depressed me, but now has gotten me thinking (I don't know if that's a good thing). I'd hate to think that I would be left behind, but what are my choices bringing me? Where exactly am I going? Am I headed in the right direction? Am I going to have enough oil in my lamp? It seems I have more questions than answers these days but I keep looking. I don't think that these questions are bad, they just take time to answer. I've been "in the church" my whole life, you would think I'd have some of this figured out by now, but like I said, I tend to learn things the hard way.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Kolbie!!! What am I going to do with you?

Well, Sacrament Meeting is almost over, and here I sit at my computer blogging. I am so FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!

Last night we went and saw The Forgotten Carols, and it got me thinking. I'm not doing enough. I've written in the past that I've been having a hard time with "the church" but not with "the gospel". I don't really know if that's true anymore. How can I not be struggling with the gospel when I can't even stand to be at church for 3 hours a week? That just doesn't make sense to me anymore. I've also decided that I'm be very, very, very selfish. My family, really wants and needs me to be with them at church. Katie is the only one who has come out and said anything, but I can see the look in Greg's eyes when he asks me if I'm going to church and I tell him no. I ask myself all the time: Why is something so simple so difficult? And to be honest, I don't really know. No, that's not really true either. I am so self-conscience of my past. I feel judged because of my past, but mostly I feel embarrassed. I've made such an ass of myself. I also feel now, that I've been too judgemental of the people around me. I've been so quick to say that people don't know my pain, or where I'm coming from. Maybe they don't, but maybe they try. That should be enough for me. I really don't know where they're coming from either, so why should I judge?

I remember a time that I felt the spirit so strongly, frequently. I miss those days. Life sure was more simple then. I ask myself why I don't feel the spirit much anymore, and I have to be honest, I haven't been trying. I've become lazy, and selfish. The qualities that I'm so quick to point out in other people. This just feels so complicated.

Anyway, after last night, I decided to make a real effort to become better. The thing that really got me was when one character told another that sometimes the veil can be very, very thin. The first thing I thought was: I'm sure doing all I can to make the veil a brick wall. So I decided to become better, to make a better effort. So, I got up this morning in plenty of time to get myself ready for church. In fact, Greg didn't have to "remind" me once what time it was, and I tried not to complain about how I looked (an excuse I've used in the past is that I don't look very good, I'm not going to go), the kids were up and showered. I even went to church with a sore throat and feel achey. We were even early.

Sidebar: I think the bishop about had a heart attack when he saw me walk into the Chapel early. But that's neither here nor there.

So, you may ask: Why am I home from church early? Why, if I've turned over a new leaf am I sitting at home blogging instead of sitting at church trying to learn? Well, my youngest child is why. God knows I love this child, but she can defiantly be a trial. We were out late last night, and had to be up early for church today. That's a lethal mixture for my youngest. She decided to start fighting and causing a ruckus during Fast and Testimony meeting. So I took her out. Made her sit in the foyer with her arms folded and wouldn't let her say a word.

Sidebar: My Mother always taught me that it was best to make life more difficult for an unruly child while out in the foyer. It teaches them that it's better to be in Sacrament Meeting. Well Mom, that easier said than done!!!

Well, I'm sitting with Kolbie in the foyer trying to look stern and mean, and the next thing I know, Kolbie has gotten up and bolted. She opened the door and started running from the building yelling: "IT'S MY LIFE!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" I have to admit, this did make me laugh a bit, but I couldn't let her see that! I couldn't run after her, that would only be what she wanted and I was wearing my high heal black boots, I didn't want to break my ankle. That would really leave an impression with everyone at church. Well, Kolbie finally decides to stop running and sit down. I catch up to her and she starts running the other direction. I catch up to her again, and this time she knew she was in trouble with a capital T!!! So I grabbed her by the wrist and wouldn't let go. She started really freaking out at this point.

So what did I do? Unfortunately, I went in and got my things and the car keys from Greg and came home. Kolbie is now in her room and she won't watch TV, listen to the radio or ipod, or play on the computer today. And she's not going to go out to play for at least week!!! I love this child with all my heart and soul, but she really try my patience!!!!!!! I have to say of all my children, she has come with the most drama (beginning before she was even born--that's a long story that I won't bore you with now) but I KNOW that Kolbie was sent to our family to cement us together. She may bring drama, but she also brings hugs, kisses, smiles, and lots and lots of love.

One good thing about the gospel (and the church) is you can always try again tomorrow. That's what I'm going to do!!!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I've Lost My Freakin' Mind!!!

This year Chris started Jr. High. I know, I know, I'm much too young to have a child in Jr. High, but sadly it's true. Anyway, when Chris started school this year we told him to be involved in as many things as he could. And he has. First, was cross-country track, and now wrestling.

I have to admit that when I gave Chris this advice I didn't really think to much about it, just be involved, but now I'm going to wrestling meets! If you've never been to one, your really missing out. First of all, you get to sit in a stinky Jr. High gymnasium. Next the "outfits" they make the wrestlers can be disturbing (to say the least -- my sister saw Chris in his and about had a fit). Watching these boys get "warmed up" is about the funniest thing I've ever scene. No where else in the world can you see boys doing back bends and jerking around like they're having some kind of fit. And finally, you get to watch two boys try to rip each other apart. I can't believe how many people have told me that wrestling isn't really fighting and that it doesn't hurt. Ahhh... It is to fighting (where else can I see a nice guy that I go to church with every Sunday on his hands and knees screaming: "Throw him to the floor!!!! Throw him to the floor!!!! Pull his arms back, use your weight and smash him into the ground!!!!" Yeah, right, it's not a fight. And don't tell me it doesn't hurt, I've scene all the bruises that Chris has. The highlight of my wrestling experience was when one boys squeezed another boy so much that he threw-up. FOUR TIMES!!!!!! Gross!!!!!!

I have to say that despite all of these negative (and disgusting) points I found myself enjoying myself at this weeks wrestling meet. I even found myself cheering for the boys that I knew (many I've known for years) even though most of the time I was just peeking through my fingers because I was trying to cover my eyes.

Chris lost his match in 3 rounds on points 5-2, but I'm so proud of him. He has been faithfully going to practice every morning, I usually see him stumbling into the bathroom before I leave for work, and I go to work REALLY, REALLY early. I'm more of a baseball girl (that's a surprise if you really know me :). I can explain the infield fly rule, but I don't know one thing about wrestling rules. I can admit my ignorance, I try not to, but I can admit it.

So, you may ask, what's the point of this blog? And the answer is: I think I've lost my mind!!! Normally, you can find me lounging in the warm sun, drinking a lemonade, listening to my ipod, keeping score of a baseball game. You can even find me yelling stupid things like: "Swing all the way through" (like there's really another way to swing) "See the ball and drive it" (What's the point of that?) Or "Keep your eye on the ball", (what exactly does that mean?) Anyway, the point is, I'm normally a nice mellow baseball fan, but today I found myself saying:

"Come on Chris be aggressive!!!"
"Use your weight to keep him down!!"
"Come on now, don't let him move!!"
"Your not hurt!!"



Like I've said: I've lost my freakin' mind!!!