Sometimes your biggest blessing are staring you in the face, or are a phone call away

Again, it's been a long time since I put anything on here. But I can't end my day without writing about it. It was one of those days that I just can't forget, so I need to write it down so I can remember it when I need to. Please ignore all misspelling and typos.

My day started as normal, I couldn't sleep so I woke up grumpy and yelled at my family about something stupid that really didn't matter in the long run. I think it was about not being able to take a shower when I wanted to. Like I said, something really stupid.

When I was able to take my shower I got ready and went to the doctors office, for yet another appointment, for yet more news I really didn't want to hear. I dealt with a receptionist that obivously didn't want to be there and I have never had a positive experience with. On the upside of my morning Greg did go with me to my appointment, so I was glad to spend more time with him. Although you wouldn't know it by my behavior. At that point we went to the pharmacy and spent a couple hundred dollars on medications that will hopefully more my "situation" easier to deal with until we (meaning me, Greg, and my doctor, who is a nice guy but is REALLY difficult to get an appointment with which can be frustrating).

Though I shouldn't have been happy about it Kolbie stayed home from school again today. She has a nagging cough, but nothing else is wrong with her but I didn't want her to share any germs with any innocent classmates. It was really nice to have somebody at home with me during the day the days can get long and depressing with notbody here to talk to. I am so thankful for this computer (that I spend too much time with but it's really great to be able to connect with somebody even online).

Once Kolbie and I got home from the doctors and the pharmacy we changed into our jammies and started to relax for the afternoon, and Greg was hurrying off to work upset that every took so long because he's really busy. But I had one huge problem once I got settled, WE HAD NOTHING TO EAT IN OUR HOUSE. And when I say nothing, I mean really nothing people! Kolbie tried to grate slice cheese because she wanted nachos. I don't care who you are, that's just gross!!! We have been so busy, and I've been "on the bench" poor Greg is just too busy to do any grocery shopping. Please understand that I am not being critical of Greg, he's working so hard, and you can only do so much.

To be completely honest about things, my heart is breaking for Greg and the kids. Unfortunatley they are dealing with the hardest part of this situation. I can't drive them anywhere, and I'm so emotional about things I cry all the time. Infact I just woke my husband up at midnight (which I'm sure he appreciated since he has to work early tomorrow) in tears. But I couldn't really tell you what I was upset about. I just worry like any parent and wife about problems that you can't fix and just don't seem to go away.

Seeing my worry for Greg and the kids I did take action. I called the Relief Socity President (that always helps me figure things out when things get tough though she would never admit to it). Thank you, you know who you are. And I realized that I just needed to "suck it up" and get myself to the grocery store. One huge difficulty we're having as a family is that I can't drive. Fortunatley, I am blessed with great friends and neighbors. I called around to see what everybody was doing. Most of my neighbors were doing their homeschool duty (which I'm finding more amazing and not as "unusual" as I once thought), but remembered a friend that mentioned that if I ever needed a ride anywhere (or anything else for that matter) to give her a call. So I did, and to her credit she was at my house within 15 minutes. We all say "give me a call" or "if you need anything", but do we really mean it? she was there when me (and my family) needed her. And to top it all off, she has 2 small children. Anyway, she came and picked me up and off to Walmart we went.

My friend let me do as much shopping as I needed ($200 dollars worth -- that just goes to show you how depleated my family was), when she only spent $30 bucks at the most. She never complained, or made me feel hurried. Infact, she got mad a me for buying her kids a Happy Meal from McDonalds and for me leaving a couple packages of chocolate-chip cookies in her car (I honestly think she was a little annoyed when I told her that I knew nothing about any cookies).

The entire point of all my rambeling tonight is to say thank you to a couple of friends that were as good as their word, and taught me a lot today. Sometimes we forget that our biggest blessing are staring us right in the face, or are literally a phone call away. It was hard for me to swallow my pride and call a few friends to ask for some very needed help, but they didn't question and were so respectful and giving it just amazes me. My friends understood that it's tough for me to ask for help, again.

I came home from Walmart absoutley exhausted and ready for a nap, but very greatful and happy. Chris put the grocerys away before football practice (which another friend came and drove him to I am blessed in so many ways it amazes me), and as I relaxed (I will save how amazing my children are for another post, but I think you all know how absolutely amazing they are) I thought about how much I learned today.

Thank you for all you do, arranging a few means, rides to practice and dance class, and a ride to the grocery store never meant so much.

The Miracle Of The Moment

It's almost 1am and I'm sitting here at my computer trying not to cry.

In a few short hours Katie is going to girls camp for the first time. She is so excited, which makes me happy. She says no thanks everytime I tell her that she can stay home with me, which makes me happy and sad. For the record, I had a great time at girls camp. I loved every minute of it, with the exception of 1 day the first year that I went. But that's a story for another day.

When I write posts, I try to be funny and light-hearted, even if that's not how I'm feeling. It brightens my mood. But today, I just can't muster up the energy to be funny and light-hearted. The fact of the matter is: I'm dreading the next few days.

I know that I'm going to send my little girl to camp, and in some ways that little girl won't ever come back. She's going to comeback a young woman. She'll come back changed. I will still have the beautiful girl that she has always been. She'll still be goofy and silly. She'll be the most organized person I know and still have a messy room. She'll still be the picky eater of my family. But she will also come back completely different.

She'll comeback after spending a few day completely without me, and I really hate that fact. I hate that everyday she'll need me less and less. I hate the fact that she'll learn and grow and progress and I won't be there to see it. Katie is becoming such a wonderful young woman. She has purpose and substance. She has strength and stability. She has the power to make me laugh and cry. She has taught me how to really love someone.

The night Chris (Katie's older brother) was born, I was sitting in a hospital bed holding my beautiful new baby boy. I was so happy. I remember my dad leaning down and whispering in my ear: "...enjoy this moment sweetheart, because tomorrow your sending him on his mission." I remembering being so mad at my dad for this comment. I remember telling him to "...buzz off..." because I wanted to enjoy the moment. The reason I'm sharing this story, is that I do feel like I'm sending my kids off on a mission.

I know it's only girls camp, but I feel like my kids have grown up so fast. And I feel like I've missed it. I've been there, but I've been caught up in so many other things I haven't really enjoyed the journey. I have a close friend that I wish I was more like, because she truly enjoys every moment of being with her children. She enjoys listening to their funny stories and stupid jokes. She loves jumping on the trampoline and making fun birthday cakes. I'm not saying that she's perfect, or that she doesn't get frustrated, but I do wish I was more like her. Greg seems to have this ability as well. He is so content just sitting back and watching the miracle of the moment.

I walked out of my room last night and overheard Katie saying her prayers. That as a mother is a wonderful moment. She asked in her prayer that all my kidney stones will go away, so her mom can be healthy again. She also asked God to send her Papa a new liver so he can be healthy too, and we can all be happy. I stood there and listened and realized that my girl is growing up. The baby that was so small I was scared to hold is growing up to be an amazing woman. I must have done something right alone the way somewhere to have such an amazing young woman as my daughter.

She is not without her problems. She has a short fuse and yells at her sister and brother all the time. She has a messy room. She's not very good at math. She is very picky about what she's willing to eat. She watches too much TV. She is far from perfect. But I don't think I could love her any more than I do now.

I guess the point of this post is that I am blessed to have such a wonderful young woman as my daughter, but I'm sad that she's growing up so fast. She's leaving for girls camp in a few hours and I know that she's never going to be the same again. She's going to go away and she's going to have fun with her friends. She'll laugh and giggle and not sleep. She's going to learn from amazing leaders that love her and she will learn to love them. She is going to build relationships and memories that she'll have for the rest of her life. And I won't be a part of any of it. I know that some of this is my choice and I feel so guilty about that, but I also know that she has to do this. I know this is an experience that she wants and needs.

I know that I'm long-winded and am probably over-reactingto this as I do about so man things. I'm happy for Katie and I'm excited to hear about all her adventures that are coming. But I don't like the fact that everyday she needs me less and less. I know that as a parent the best thing I can do for my kids is to let go and watch them soar, but that is the hardest thing I will ever do.

Post Script: I don't have the energy to proof-read this post, so I apologize for all my spelling errors and typo's.

Hey June!!! Is that the mouth you pray with?

I know that no one is reading this anymore since I haven't posted anything in almost 2 months, but I just haven't had anything much to say. Which never was a problem before, so I decided I need to start posting again. So:

WOW!!! WHAT A DAY!!!! Today was "Flip-Flip Day" (aka: Black Friday's uglier and MUST MORE UNPLEASANT sibling) at Old Navy, which is where I work. I've spent the last few days trying to get the store ready for an ultra-busy day, but this madness exceeded even my expectation. I expected the long lines, I expected the store to be a mess, I expected my team to be overwhelmed (which is why I brought in my homemade Rice Crispy Treats and 7-Layer Dip which you wouldn't normally eat together, but strangely kind of work when your blood sugar is low), and I expected our customers to be a little grumpy. But this was INSANE!

First, I made Greg drive me to work because I didn't want to worry about trying to find a parking spot, and I wanted him to take some pictures. For the record I would like it noted that Greg teased me all morning about this, but then the car became strangely quiet when he pulled our little car into the parking lot. The only thing said was: "...drop me off by the door please. Please help me bring the Rice Crispy Treats to the back room." I didn't see Greg again for almost a half an hour.

Working retail isn't for the faint of heart. Someone important and really smart said that once, I'm sure of it!

I got to the store at about 9:45. I don't know what the line looked like before we opened, but it stretched all the way to the back of the store, back up to the front and half way back again. I feel like I should get hazard pay for having to run from the front door all the way to the back while carrying my 7-layer dip (which was delicious by the way). When a crowd of slightly pudgy moms already upset because they can only get 5 pairs of flip-flops see 7-layer dip it's like a moth attracted to a flame. SO WATCH OUT!!!!

Aside from almost losing my life over my pot-luck donation, the worst part of today was by far GRUMPY CUSTOMERS!!!!! I experienced the single worst customer I HAVE EVER DEALT WITH IN MY LIFE today. She and her husband (let's call them Walt and June) were the highlight of my day. I won't go into detail, but let's just say that I was shaking with anger by the time Walt and June decided to leave my store. I had to go in the back and take some deep breaths!!!!!

I definitely learned a thing or two from this experience. Like: THE NEXT PERSON WHO CALLS ME OR MY ASSOCIATES NAMES WHILE WE ARE TRYING TO HELP THEM WILL BE GIVEN THE NUMBER TO CUSTOMER SERVICE, MY NAME AND STORE NUMBER, AND THEN WILL BE TOLD TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to ask Walt and June if that was the same mouth they pray with. :) Judging from their behavior, I'm thinking not.

I help run a clothing store. It's not glamorous or flashy. I don't read to the blind, I don't cure disease, I don't prevent hunger. I simply do not understand why people can get so mad at me for doing something as simple as selling jeans and t-shirts. I understand that lines were long, and they only got 5 pairs of flip-flops, but COME ON PEOPLE!

I have been known (in my deep dark past) to get upset at some poor customer service associate, but my view has changed over the years. I have tried to make it a policy that every time I am lucky enough to have a good experience somewhere, I ask for the manager and give a good report. As a manager, I hear so many negative things, and so few good things, but I know that my team does a good job. Every time I hear something good or positive I ALWAYS share this experience with my team, and we all have better days. Why are we so ready to tell someone that they did a bad job and so reluctant to tell someone they did a great job?

Please, someone explain!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boys are stupid, but girls can be stupider

Last night at work 2 nice young men and a beautiful young woman happened to come through my line and bought a pair of mens jeans and 2 pairs of mens cargo shorts. No big deal. That happens every day. EXCEPT!!!!! One of the young men was wearing a hoodie that said something about Utah Valley State University Baseball. Since today is OPENING DAY I had to share this STUPID STORY.

After noticing the hoodie I said:
So, what pro-team to do follow?

Young man: I don't play pro, I play for Utah Valley.

I thought: WELL, DUH!!!!!! Opening day is tomorrow, if you played pro-ball you probably wouldn't be worrying about buying jeans in West Jordan Utah right now. But since I was giving great customer service, I didn't say that.

Instead I said: Your hoodie is for Utah Valley Baseball, do you follow a pro team?

Young man: No, I don't follow a specific pro-team. I follow pitchers. I love relief pitchers.

Obviously this kid is a pitcher. Bet you 20 bucks, he throws relief.

I said: That's great.

Young man: What team to do you follow?

I'm positive he was trying to make me feel stupid, so my reply was:

I love the Mets!!!! Always have. I think it's going to be a good year.

Young man: Well, yeah since you have my man K-Rod.

My reply: It's along way from Anaheim to New York, we'll see.

Young Man: Then why do you think it'll be such a good year?

I said: Well, lots of reasons. Carlos Delgado, we've been working on putting some depth in our bull-pen (K-Rod will help), we also signed Gary Shefield so he'll help get us some runs, and then there's always Mr. Wright.

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO NOTE THAT I WAS REFERRING TO DAVID WRIGHT AS MR. WRIGHT. GREG IS MR. RIGHT, DAVID WRIGHT IS MR. WRIGHT.

Young Man: Mr. Who?

Me: You know, Mr. Wright. David Wright my third baseman. Did you see his walk-off single to beat Puerto Rico in "The Classic"? It was amazing.

At this point, the young man turned to his friend and gave him the weirdest look. He then asked:

Why are you such a Mets Fan?

My reply: Oh, it started back when I was a kid. Darryl Strawberry was playing outfield for them, and I thought he was amazing. Old habits die hard.

Young man: Yeah, I like drugs too. HA-HA!

Me:That was a bad choice of words on my part. But his will be a great year. Tim Kirkjan has picked David Wright to be the NL MVP. I have faith.

At this point this young mans (I should say kid, he couldn't have been a day over 23) wife entered the conversation. She was standing there the entire time, she had heard every word of our conversation. She turned to him, grabbed his hand, leaned into him and asked: Do you have everything? Then she reached into his pocket and handed him his wallet.

I literally had to hold my breath so I wouldn't laugh. At that point, the kid paid his money and they left.

I went back to the fitting room and was laughing so hard I could hardly breath. A kid I work with saw me laughing and asked me what was so funny, so I told him the story.

His reply: Jill, boys are stupid, but girls are stupider.

Old married -- and loving it!!

Saturday afternoon our usually loud and busy house was eerily quiet. Kolbie was at Annie's (her best buddy), and Chris and Kate went to the movies with Austin. Greg and I... literally sat our kitchen table and ate in complete silence. Finally, we did have a conversation. It went something like this:

ME: With the kids gone, the house is so quiet.

GREG: I know. (Greg, always a man of many words.)

ME: What do you want to do?

GREG: I don't know, what do you want to do?

ME: I don't know. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

GREG: Well, (he says while rubbing his chin the way he does this drives me crazy, but in a good way:), I think there's a game on ESPN.

ME: What kind of game?

GREG: Baseball.

ME: Ok, sounds good to me!!!

And off we went down into the pit of our basement and watched the World Baseball Classic, we also watched Forrest Gump during the commercials to the baseball game. Venezuela beat Italy 6-0.

OH, HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE HECK HAS HAPPENED TO US? There was a time that if Greg and I were alone we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other, now we're content watching baseball and Forrest Gump. Let me be completely clear:

WE WERE ALONE!!!

OUR KIDS WEREN'T EVEN GOING TO BE COMING HOME SOON!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE WERE ALONE!!!!

WE'RE NEVER ALONE!!!!!

I fear that Greg and I have "passed the point of no return": we are old and married. Everyone always says when they get married that they will never act like their parents, they will never reach that old and married stage. Just like everyone always say: I will never say "because I said so" to their children. Yeah, well, it happens to the best of us.

At least Greg and I can laugh about it. I mentioned it to him this afternoon and we had a good laugh. I told him that if I were to remarry I was going to marry for money, he said he would marry for looks. I know he has no money, and apparently I'm quite homely. Oh well.

Despite all this, there is something to be said about being with someone for a long time. I feel so comfortable with Greg. But that's not always a good thing, like when he holds my hair back when I throw-up, (I'm sorry but when I'm sick, I don't want anyone to touch me let alone look at me when I'm puking). I know that some people say that if a man will hold your hair back when you throw-up it true love. Um hello, have you ever seen someone throw-up? It's not pretty, and despite being homely (and being with Greg for 17 years) I would still like to THINK I'm pretty when I'm around him. Call me crazy.

I love being married, even though my husband can drive me nuts!!! I love him even though he is the weirdest person I know. These are some of the things that makes him weird:

1. He likes Nascar.

2. Not only does he like Nascar, he has a "Fantasy Nascar" team. What is that exactly?

3. He puts Velvetta Nacho cheese on his doritos. I find this completely weird and TOTALLY DISGUSTING!!!

4. He's a Dallas Cowboys fan. This does bring me some enjoyment since they haven't won a play-off game in years and this week when they cut T.O.!!!;)

5. He'll come up to me hold out his finger and say:

Feel this.

What's wrong with your finger? I ask.

Just feel. He says.

So I touch his finger and ask: what's that?

His reply: It's my finger.

6. He has James Family Jump Rope Competitions.

7. He snores like a buzz saw (which he completely denies).

8. He has started to worry about what he wears except when it comes to shoes.
(I tell him he's turning into a closet Metro, which he completely denies by the way).

9. He only yells when he's REALLY, REALLY, REALLY mad. When we fight (oh yeah, we fight) he just stops talking. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!! I think that (at times) it's healthy to get in a good old fashion fight. Yelling at your spouse can release frustration, but the best part is making up. ;)

10. He pays someone to cut his hair (since Jaylynn moved). Greg is almost completely bald so paying someone to cut his hair is hilarious. He just won't break down and buy hair clippers to buzz what's left of his hair (a $2 dollar Bic razor and some shaving cream would work).

11. He listens to completely weird and un-hip music! Which I have started listening to as well.

OH NO!!!!!

THE WEIRDNESS IS STARTING TO RUB-OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite all of these weird things about Greg, I'm still in love with him. What's even more amazing is that he seems to still be in love with me, for this I am grateful.

Going to the dentist

Sorry, it's been a while since I posted anything. I haven't really had too much to say (for the first time in my life).




Tomorrow, I have to go to the dentist to have 2 cavitities filled (I have to go back in a few weeks to have 2 more filled). I HATE going to the dentist. I would rather have a baby (except for the being pregnant part, that's way worse than going to the dentist).

Anyway, I went to the dentist for the first time in a long time a couple of weeks ago, and I have 4 caviities. 4!!!!!!!!! The last time I'd been to the dentist was before Kolbie was born (she's almost 9). I truly, truly hate going to the dentist. So, I thought: "why am I paying for this stupid insurance when I know I have cavities?" So off to the dentist I went.

The dentist seemed like a nice enough guy, for a dentist. He saw how agitated I was about even being there, and he suggested that I get put under general anesthetic (sp) to get all of my teeth fixed at once. That sounded fine with me until he told me that it would cost me $300 per hour, and it wouldn't be covered by my insurance at all! What do I pay the stupid insurance company for anyway? So all my hopes and dreams of getting all my teeth fixed and clean at one time died!! Instead, I opted for taking a Valium an hour before I leave for my appointment. I hope it works, I'm about to have a heart attack just sitting here thinking about my appointment tomorrow.

So, here's my plan for tomorrow:
Step 1: Make sure that I plug my ipod in so it is charging on Thursday night.
Step 2: Pray.
Step 3: Brush me teeth really, really well every day, but especially on Friday morning.
Step 4: Pray.
Step 5: Be sure to take my ipod with me to the dentist.
Step 6: Pray.
Step 7: Take my medication 1 hour prior to my appointment.
Step 8: Pray.
Step 9: Listen to my ipod during my appointment so I don't have to listen to all that drilling.
Step 10: Pray.
Step 11: Try not to have a heart attack.
Step 12: PRAY!!!!!!

I don't think I've explained how much I hate going to the dentist. I hate everything about the dentist. The smell of the office, the smiling lady at the front desk, the smell of the office, the perky dental hygentist, the smell of the office, opening my mouth, the smell of the office, THE PAIN, and the smell of the office. I'm trying to not have a panic attack right now.

My addiction to Facebook

I just realized something, it's been over a week since I put a post on here, but I've been on my computer constantly. Why is that? I am an addict. I am addicted to Facebook. And I don't really know why.

I like to have interaction with my friends and co-workers. I like to be proactive and talk with them when I chose to. I love writing my blog, but all I feel like I do is drone on and on about something that is usually unimportant and then wait for someone to comment. On most posts I only get 1 or 2 comments, and I get so disappointed. I really don't get how people can get so many people to comment on their blogs. One blog I read is call NormalMormonHusbands and his posts generate over 100 comments. Of course his blog is much more entertaining than mine, but I don't even think my mother reads my blog. Basically I'm saying: my audience is small and my interaction with them is very limited. I love facebook because I can go online and see what my friends are doing or saying about themselves, and then I can interact with them if I chose to. And I can see so many more people. I looked up my high school graduating class, and got to read about so many people from high school. I thought this was really cool, until I realized that so many people have accomplished so much, and I have really accomplished so little in comparison. I don't recommend look up old classmates, it can get rather depressing.

So, you ask what did I do tonight? I chatted with a good friend about everything under the sun, and wasn't limited by the telephone. I could get up and tuck Kolbie into bed, use the bathroom, and brush my teeth, and it didn't interrupt my conversation at all. It was great. And when I say I talked to her all night, I really mean it. We started chatting at about 6pm and I logged of after 10 because I had to go to bed (what a joke that turned out to be, it 1:25am and I'm still not asleep)!

Greg asked me Sunday afternoon if there was a 12-step program for people who are addicted to Facebook, and "could we find a meeting or something to go to". What a funny guy. Right now, I like my little addiction to Facebook. My experience has been great (other than looking up old classmates). So keep up with Facebook, I really enjoy it. And you may also comment here too, I really enjoy that. It lets me know that someone reads my ramblings.

I Dance Like Elaine

So, last night for Valentines Day Greg and I...went to a church dance. I had a good time, but it was a little weird seeing a member of the Stake Presidency waltz to the Electric Slide.

We have some good friends from our ward that were at the dance, and it was fun. But it brought back a lot of unpleasant memories. I am not a social person, I stress out every time I'm put into a "social" setting. I ALWAYS say the first thing that pops into my head (see: I think I'll shut-up now post), and that has made for some interesting social "situations".

The biggest problem that I had on Saturday Night was: I DON'T DANCE!!!! Not around people anyway. I was the kid in dance class that was always on the back row half way off the stage for dance recitals, and I NEVER went to school dances. I do dance in my kitchen when I listening to my ipod, and I disco when my girls are dancing in the living room, but I only do that because of the reaction I get from them (Kolbie joins in, but Katie look at me like I've got lobsters crawling out my ears). The funniest thing about going to the dance last night was, Greg can't dance either. In fact, he stepped on my feet so much that they still hurt. Greg and I joked that we dance like Elaine. I don't remember what kind of party that Elaine, Jerry, Kramer, and George were at but Elaine was dancing.

George said: "Have you seen Elaine dance? It's like watching a full body dry heave."

That about sums up my dancing style. I'm too reserved and up-tight. I just can't relax in situations like that. I wish I was one of those people that could just relax and have fun, but I just can't. I'm just like my dad that way, my mom could let loose and have fun, but not my dad. I think my mom even won a dance contest she joined with my grandpa. I don't know what happened to me and my dad though, his mom (my Grandma Kate) used to tell me about when she and grandpa would put the kids to bed early then they would push all the furniture out of the way and they would dance all night. I think that sounds so fun, but Greg and I dance like Elaine, besides we would miss some sporting event on TV.

It was fun to watch our friends at the dance. I could just picture everyone as teenagers, and we still are the same people we were then. Here are some funny things I noticed:

Boys still pretend they can slam-dunk basketballs.

There is still the weird guy that dances wild-and-crazy and everyone watches, but he's having the most fun.

There is the couple that can dance really, really well. And everyone is jealous (or maybe it was just me).

There is the couple that hardly ever dances, but knows everyone and spends the entire time talking with friends.

A member of what I call "The Leadership Team" still walks around to make sure no one is making-out in the corner.

It takes about an hour before many will loosen up and go out and dance. Greg and I got there about 45 minutes late on purpose!

There's is still the person that can't dance, but tries. -- That's me. :)

One of the most interesting places to "people watch" is at a church dance. It's interesting to see who will fill what role.

I would go to dance lessons if the ward or stake had them, but yoga class would be safer for everyone involved. :)

I need some advice

I know that I tend to be overly serious, but I need some help.

I'm a Mother. I have the three best kids in the world. They amaze me, and scare me. Last night Chris (he's 13) started asking questions. TOUGH QUESTIONS!!! Questions that don't have easy answers.

I don't think questions are bad. Accepting answers, that's hard. During our discussion with Chris yesterday, he cried. At first this bothered Greg, but it just makes me love Chris more. He is very genuine. He has a very tender heart.

How do I help Chris understand that everyone sins? How do I help him understand that because we all sin, we are all more alike than different? How do I help him understand that when God looks at his children, he doesn't see all our faults, but sees all our potential? How do I help a child understand principles that I don't really grasp myself?

I openly admit that I have had (and am currently experiencing) a trial of faith. I seem to have more questions than answers these days. I can tell that Greg is frustrated, and I fear that my stubbornness is hurting my children. Maybe my ignorance is what's really the problem. Why didn't I prepare for the day when my kids ask questions with impossible answers? I knew this day would come, and I feel so unprepared!

I think I'll shut-up now

Anyone who has known me for any amount of time (like a second and a half) knows that I can be very outspoken and opinionated. I also have an amazing ability to stick my foot in my mouth. I have some stories that would curl your hair!

There was the time when Greg and I were eating dinner with his parents (about 2 weeks before our wedding) and I quoted a line from The Christmas Story. Ralphie's dad had just gotten his "major prize" and Ralphie was saying how much he loved that lamp. "It was electric sex glowing in the window." I will NEVER forget the look on Sharron's face. EVER!

Then today, I went to lunch with a friend from work. We were talking about the big Michael Phelps scandal.

Please keep in mind this simple equation: Jill + sports + opinion = DISASTER!!

JILL: Did you hear about Michael Phelps?

FRIEND: Yeah, I can't believe it.

JILL: It didn't surprise me.

SIDEBAR: Anyone, and I mean ANYONE that is continually told how wonderful they are will eventually fall on their face. HARD! That kid has been set up for disaster for years! Guess what? Michael Phelps made a bad choice. We all do. He just had the privilege to screw up in front of the whole world. I feel bad for him.

FRIEND: What do you mean?

JILL: Well, you know he was arrested for drunk driving when he was 19 right?

FRIEND: Yeah, I know that. But, I was arrested for drunk driving too. That doesn't make him a bad person.

CRAP!!!!

That is not what I meant, but looking back I can see where she's coming from. I am an idiot!

I also recently told a friend that I thought she was weird because she liked being pregnant. Then I told her that she shouldn't worry about what I think about her. Again, not what I meant. The problem is this friend doesn't really know me well enough to know that I tend to speak and then engage my brain. Sorry--you know who you are.

To be honest, more than one person has been offended beyond repair because of my big fat mouth, and I feel like I've suffered because I don't have these friends.

Greg has learned to deal with my "problem" very well over the years. He doesn't even act embarrassed anymore (most of the time), and frequently he doesn't even say anything to me. He already knows how crappy I feel because I usually figure out that I've screwed up on my own. After all this time, Greg usually just laughs, shakes his head and walks away. He's a very good sport about everything, unless I really out-do myself. The thing that amazes me about what a great sport he is, is the fact that I really don't try very hard to censor myself when I'm around family (his or mine). I think I like the shock factor.

This character trait is something that I think is funny or quirky in other people, but I HATE IT ABOUT MYSELF!!! I also thought that I would grow out of it as I got older. Boy, was I wrong!! The older I get the worse it is. If things don't change soon, I'm going to be a lonely old woman with a lot of cats. Maybe age = honesty?

STORY: At work, I was given the responsibility to improve our break room. I spent so much time measuring, and thinking and trying to come up with ideas to make things better. Finally, 2 days before I was scheduled to make all the changes I was talking to one of my bosses and said I needed to get Greg in to look at things to give me some ideas. In my defense: Greg is very good at that kind of thing and could help me figure things out. Well, I went on to say and I quote: "...I just need the brain of a boy to help me figure this out..." My boss, his name is Dave.

Like I said, I think I'll shut-up now.

Mom Jeans

Today, Greg and I spent out day remodeling Katie's bedroom. Several years ago we had a flood and are now fixing up the room for Katie. I'll post pictures later.

Well, we got up this morning and I decided that I didn't want to wear my good jeans to do home improvements. So I pulled out my pair of retired jeans that I only wear when I when I do home improvements. I put them and one of Greg's famous Monster Truck T-Shirts, old shoes and was ready to go. I happen to glance in the mirror and was HORRIFIED!!! I was wearing "Mom Jeans"!!!

You know what Mom Jeans are. They're high-waisted (so high waisted that the waist band almost touches your bra strap), they have tapered legs, are a disgusting color, are baggy and loose (you buy jeans like this because you THINK they make you look thinner, but they only make it look like your wearing a denim tent), the back pockets are so high on the back, your butt looks just pain scary.

I was wearing "Mom Jeans", I also call them: My I Don't Care Anymore Jeans. I am not a fashion expert, but I am trying a lot harder than I used to. I wouldn't buy Mom jeans now if my life depended on it. I did go through a period of my adult life that I just didn't care what I wore. I blamed this stage on having small children (that was part of it) but I could have tried harder.

So, today I had my "Mom Jeans" on (I have to add that they are much looser than they used to be YIPPEE!!) but I was just going to do home improvements, I don't want to ruin my "good jeans", so off to work I went. I spent the day sawing, hammering, and do all kinds of fun things. Then Greg announces: "We have to go to Lowe's, grab your coat." So I did, and out the door I went. It might be useful to add that I hadn't really brushed my hair, I didn't have any make-up on, (I had brushed my teeth, it's just gross not to), and don't forget the jeans and monster truck t-shirt.

Greg and I got to Lowe's and as usual, I went wandering off to look at all the cool stuff when Greg got to figure out how to run a phone line down to Katies new room. I was back looking at sliding-glass doors and around the corner came a couple. The woman looked so beautiful! Her hair was done, her make-up on, she didn't have on mom jeans. Not one hair out of place! I was thinking how cute she looked, then she gave me the weirdest look. You know that look. The "you've spilled spaghetti sauce on your shirt and you don't even know it look". I glanced down, and remembered (much to my embarrassment) that I was wearing my Mom Jeans! I didn't know this woman, I'm just grateful that I didn't run into an old boyfriend or someone I knew in high-school (I usually do when I look that crappy). I decided that I don't really care enough about how I look. But I'm going to leave in a few minutes to take Kolbie to the movies, I have showered and washed my hair, I'm NOT wearing my Mom Jeans or a monster truck t-shirt, but I'm only wearing mascara. Maybe I'm just getting old!!!

P.S. My nice jeans are not from The Brittany Spears or Paris Hilton school of thought. A woman reaches a certain age when she shouldn't be wearing super low waisted jeans. I freely admit that I have reached that age. But, I don't look like I'm wearing a denim tent either!!

Gotta run, we're going to be late for Twilight!

So many of us forget...

My friend Heather posted this video from YouTube on her Facebook account, and I had to share it. It makes me happy and makes me cry EVERY time I watch it. I'm too dumb to get the video to post on my blog from YouTube, but trust me, it's worth your time. Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZtU676jA_k


Anyone, and I mean ANYONE that knows me, knows that I love sports. There is nothing I love more in this world than watching my kids (or anybody else) play ball. I love a good ball game. Usually baseball and football.

But, the thing that I HATE about sports is that we easily forget what they can really mean. We always hear about someone signing a huge contract, or being recruited by the best college teams. The focus always on "getting" something. We forget so quickly what sports really can mean to someone.

99.9% of kids that play ball (in any sport) will never play professional ball. That's just a fact. A few are lucky enough to play in college. And some will even play on their local high school teams. But how many can say that they play because they truly love the game they play?

This kid, by most peoples definition, would never be successful at his sport. Even his parents and coach will admit that. But seeing pictures of him at those basketball games he really, really loves basketball. He was given the opportunity to play in that game because HE EARNED IT! He was dedicated and devoted. He earned his chance.

I remember when Katie played in her first season of baseball. She played with the boys. Our friend Dan was her coach. Heather was her biggest cheerleader. Katie learned a lot that season. But the biggest thing she learned is that she loved to play. Katie became a "special" project for that team. The goal of those coaches, (and her special cheerleader) was to get that kid a true hit, and get her on base. The team also because supportive. So many boys just wouldn't care, but this team did. When she would go up to bat you would see every member of her team crossing their fingers, their arms, their legs, their eyes, and anything else they could for luck. One of her coaches ever promised her that if she got a hit, he would wear a pink belt to their next game.

The rest of this story, I'm sad to say I didn't personally witness. I was running somebody to practice. But Katie got up to bat, against the best team in the division. And she got her hit. She got a HOMERUN!!! Her entire team ran out to home plate cheering. And coach Dan ran over and picked her up and swung her around. I think her special cheerleader might have cried. And her coach wore a pink belt, just like Katie did for every game she had.

A year later, Katie was playing in an older division. She was the only girl on the team (again). She didn't have coaches that were as dedicated, but she did have an umpire that would promise that he would buy her a corndog if she hit the ball. He would tell her: "You show these boys real girl-power! You show them what a girl can do!" Almost every time Umpire Colby said this to her, she would hit the ball. And everytime she did, he would buy her a corndog (even is she hit a foul ball).

Since then, Katie has fallen in love with softball. She sets goals, and does her best. She truly loves playing her sport. I love that about Katie.

Am I perfect at remembering what sports are really about. Absolutley not! I keep score, and follow stats, I have even been known to yell at umpires and a few coaches. How many of us really remember that sports are about having fun and spending time doing something you love? How many times do you see dedication like this kid has? How many times do you see an entire gym cheering and going crazy because something truly special has happened?

The kid in this video is special. But he's not special because of his disability. I think he's special because of his ability. His amazing ability (that so many of us forget) to find something that we are truly passionate about. Finding something we love.

My goal this season is to try and remember what sports can really be. Helping kids learn and grow and love the sport they play.

Change!

I just noticed that it's been 2 weeks since I put anything on here. That's a really long time. Honestly, I just haven't had a lot to say. I know how shocking that sounds, I ALWAYS have something to say, but not too much lately.

The only really amazing thing that I have done lately is watch the Inauguration of Barak Obama. I thought that this event was truly amazing! I feel grateful that I am lucky enough to watch this amazing part of our history.




Truth: I did vote for Barak Obama.

Truth: I don't feel like he's "The Savior" of our country.

Truth: I didn't choose to vote for Obama because he wasn't Bush or McCain. My choice came from who he is, not who he isn't. Although, I really don't like Bush or McCain.

I feel like it's time for a huge change for our country. The attitude and mood of our country reminds me of when I was a kid. WAY BACK in the 80's. Personally, I'm sick of hearing about how crappy the economy is. I think if the STUPID media would stop talking about how crappy things are, they wouldn't seem so crappy. Maybe I'm wrong. It's time for attitudes to shift. It's time to see what we can do to make things better not just point the finger of blame.

Truth: I wouldn't want to be Barak Obama for all the money in the world!

Mr. Obama has just started the most stressful and difficult job in the world (other than being a parent, he was already one of those), being the leader of the free world. My friend Trish, who is from Ireland, and I were talking about the election, and she said that on election day, at a funeral in rural Ireland, they were praying about our election. This shocked me. I don't claim to be a world traveler, (I haven't even left Utah in several years, sad but true) but I think as Americans we don't realize how far reaching our country and influence really is. I mentioned this to Trish, and her exact words were: "You Americans have no idea how important you are, and how you effect EVERYTHING."

While I don't think that our new President should be looked at as "The Savior" of our country, I know that he will be blamed if things don't change. That's a ton of pressure! I have a very simple (and occasionally stupid) mind. The only thing that I can relate this to is my job, and yes, I know that being President of the United States is a lot different and much more important than running a retail outlet. But, Trish is the GM of our store. She can't do everything to make that store be what it's supposed to be, but if things aren't working, the buck stops with her. That's how I look at our new President. He CANNOT make all the changes that need to be made. It's impossible. But he can LEAD us to change. But there's that old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I wonder if this will be true with our country. Are we all going to be willing to let someone lead us? Are we going to be willing to help and follow and lead when we need to? My Dad always told me that part of being a good leader is knowing when to follow. Are we, as a country, humble enough to do that? I know that the buck will stop with the President, and I think he knows that. Is there a more stressful job (other than being a parent)? Talk about having the weight of the world on your shoulders! I know I couldn't handle it.

I guess my question to all of us is:

"Are we all going to complain for the next 4 years, or are we going to get our hands dirty and do something about all this?"

I want to make it clear, that I don't think that Mr. Obama is always right. I decided a long time ago that questions are good. We should ask questions and be informed. I'm just so sick of ignorant people complaining that everything is so bad, and then do nothing to help things get better! I've heard people on the news say things like: "Now that Obama has won the election, he's going to make it so that I won't have to pay my mortgage, and I won't have to work as much!" I know this isn't very lady-like, but WHAT AN IDIOT!!! Everyone talks about change, but who really wants it? Change comes from hard, hard, hard work. It doesn't matter if your trying to turn an economy around, or trying to stop drinking so much Coke. CHANGE IS HARD!

So:

Do we have what it takes? Do we have enough focus and determination?

I hope and pray that we (as a country) have enough strength, self-control and vision to bring about true change.

"We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people. Yes we can."

~Barack Obama

My sweet girl turns 12!!!!

Yesterday, Katie (my sweet girl) turned 12. I can't believe it!

I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. Greg almost missed her birth because he was downstairs in the hospital cafeteria in search of a hamburger. Grandma was right outside the door. And she was the smallest baby I'd ever seen. She only weighed 5 lbs 6 oz at birth, and lost an entire pound when we took her home. I've never been so TERRIFIED of something so small before. Anyway, Katie has grown into a wonderful young woman. I am so proud of her. Here's why:

1-She is very smart. Her grades are important to her and she works hard.
2-She is very self-motivated. I'll never forget when Kate decided to make a New Years Resolution to have no missing assignment for the rest of the school year. AND SHE DID IT!!! She now has a goal to get straight A's and is only short by 2 B+'s! WAY TO GO KATIE!!!!
3-She has a very strong sense of right and wrong. A lot of things are black and white for Katie. Either it's right or it's not. Period.
4-She is VERY out spoken about her sense of right and wrong. If your doing something that she thinks is wrong, she'll either tell you or she'll stay away from you. That simple.
5-She has an AMAZING sense of humor. Once a kid was teasing her about her height (she's very tall and slim) apparently this kid that was teasing her was very, very short. She called him a Leprechaun! I know this isn't very P.C. but it's HILARIOUS!!! She does this kind of thing all the time, just says stuff that's off the wall and funny.
6-She loves animals. I wouldn't be surprised if someday Katie decided to join Greenpeace or something. She loves animals, and cares about how they're treated. She's not a vegetarian although, I wouldn't be surprised if she turned into one.
7-She has the MOST BIZARRE eating habits of anyone I know. As a small child, she would eat almost anything, until she turn about 4 and then EVERYTHING changed. For the last 8 years Katie has been sustained by: Mac and Cheese (the good kind, not the off-brand), PB&J, Spaghetti-O's, spaghetti (we're really getting sick of spaghetti), the occasional piece of meat, and chicken nuggets from Wendy's. She also won't eat a potato in ANY FORM! She refuses to eat french fries even when I offered to pay her 20 bucks! There have been times like Christmas and Thanksgiving that she's sweet-talked Grandma or her Papa into making her Mac and Cheese so she could have something to eat.
8-If your mean to her, she'll just stay away from you. Unless your her sister or brother. Her attitude is: Fine, if your not going to be nice to me, I'll just go somewhere that people are nice to me. This is trait that she gets from her father, if I had this attitude it would have saved me so much heartache and tears.
9-She has gotten a very distinct sense of fashion. I think we've reached the point that I can't buy anything for her to wear unless she's there. Her new favorite place to shop is Aeropostale. She looks like a walking ad for the place.
10-Her favorite color is green. She even made me make green frosting for her birthday cake.
11-She is very aware of her heritage. She's named after my Grandma Kate, and Katie loves her with all her heart. She feels the same way about all of her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brother, sister and her parents.
12-She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES her friends. If your a friend of Katie, then your her friend for LIFE!!!
13-She seeks out friends.
14-If she feels like someone isn't being treated the way they should, she'll tell you AND do something about it!

and finally:

15-KATE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!! I've told her a couple of times, if the Brain Surgeon thing doesn't work out for her she could always be a Super Model. She just rolls her eyes and says "whatever", but I'm serious! I think she's going to give the boys in the ward and school a real run for their money!


There are so many more things that I could say about my sweet girl, I could go on forever!


I LOVE YOU!!!

Excuse me, WHAT??!!!

Today while I was hard at work doing markdowns in baby girl with my boss Lisa and friend Judy, I said:

I really can't wait till bowl season is over! Maybe then I could get something done at home.

Judy: What are you talking about Jill? What's bowl season?

Me: You know, bowl season. College football BOWL SEASON!!!

Judy: What's the big deal about college football "bowl season"?

Me: Well, I go home from work every night, and then switch on the TV for a few minutes and there's a bowl game on and I just sit and watch it all night long. I'm just ready for bowl season to be over!

Lisa: Jill, when football season is over, there will just be another sport starting.

Judy: What are you two talking about?

Lisa: Well, Jill loves sports. It's like she got the mind of a man!

EXCUSE ME? I DO NOT HAVE THE MIND OF A MAN!!!!!!!!! Just because I listen to ESPN Radio, watch Sports Center, understand the infield fly rule, can keep score of a baseball game, anxiously await my ESPN The Magazine, look forward to reading Rick Reilly, know what it means when they say FIRST AND TEN in a football game, and think that the BCS is a bunch of crap, DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE THE MIND OF A MAN!!!!!

Honestly, I was a little offended, and really shocked!! The mind of a man? Come on!! Is there any lower insult? First of all, boys are GROSS!!! It doesn't matter if they're 2, 22, or 102, BOYS ARE GROSS!!! If you don't believe me, go ahead and ask one, they usually admit it. Second, I love a GOOD romance novel (they're hard to find), most men wouldn't be caught dead with a romance novel! I also worry too much what people think of me (many of the men I know don't really care too much what other people think. At least Greg doesn't)! I worry about not doing enough for my friends, family and at work. I have also been known to cry. None of the men I know cry when they get over-tired (I do) and not understand why they're crying, it's not manly. Also, any man with this many curves would run back to the cave from which they came and hide forever! And finally, ALL men instinctivley know how to use jumper cables and change a tire (I don't)!

And as you can see from the above images, I clearly DO NOT have the mind of a man!

By the way: opening day for baseball is just 2 1/2 short (okay really, that's a long time) months away and spring training starts next month!!!!! Now, that's "the most wonderful time of the year"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST SHUT-UP!!!!!!!

One of my favorite radio programs is Mike and Mike In The Morning on ESPN Radio. I try to listen everyday, and on the computer. Once a week they nominate and have listeners vote on their "JUST SHUT-UP" award. I would like to nominate Nick Saben, head-coach for the Alabama Crimson Tide.

Last night the University of Utah Runnin' Utes BEAT Alabama (he-he-he) 31-17. Personally, I missed the game because I was working, but had Greg call me with updates. Well, this morning I was reading the newspaper about the Big Game, and I think Nick Saban needs to JUST SHUT-UP!!!!!

Here's a quote from today (1-3-2009) Salt Lake Tribune:

"Some of the last of the Utes' motivation may have come from Alabama coach Nick Saban, who shortly after his team lost of Florida in the SEC title game mentioned his team was the only team from a "real BCS conference" to go undefeated. Saban said Friday his comment wasn't meant as a slight to the Utes, but also acknowledged the Utes played with more passion than his team did."

SIDEBAR: Not a slight to the Utes? Really? He was trying to give his team a "mental edge" (it didn't work). A bowl game is about winning a football game, they weren't going to sit around a campfire singing Koom-Bi-Ya.

The article continues (and this next quote really got me going):

"If that's what gave them their intensity, then I guess I'm responsible for the way they played and I'm responsible for the way we played," he said. "So I am responsible for the whole damn kit and caboodle," he said."

So, he's responsible for his team not playing well. I can buy that, he's the head coach. But thinking he's responsible for the winning team playing better than the losing team is going a bit far. He didn't prepare those kids for that game. A game, by the way, that had a very distinct home field feel for Alabama (go look at a map Mr. Saban).

I think Mr. Saben's comments might have helped the Utes focus and get mad enough to HELP THEM WIN, but is not solely responsible for their win. If your going to look at where the Utes intensity came from just go back and listen to what ALL the sports talking-heads have been saying for the last month and a half. That might have added to their intensity a little bit, don't you think?

I think the quote from the paper that says "The last of the Utes' motivation may have come from Alabama Coach Nick Saban..." is right on. Did you hear that Mr. Saban? The LAST of their motivation, not ALL of their motivation!!! What an idiot!!

Nick Saban needs to JUST SHUT-UP!!!!