Decisions

There are so many different things that I could write about today, and many of those things are so hilarious you'd laugh till you cried (Aly -- I'm still working on that t-shirt), but I feel like being serious.

I have a very serious decision to make over the next few weeks, and I'm stumped. I could use some help.

As you know, I've been dealing with some really serious health issues lately. The biggest issue is that I've had so many kidney stones and surgeries and procedures to repair or retrieve stuck stones I have pretty serious nerve damage. Long story short: I feel like I'm having kidney stones all the time, when I'm not. I still have tons of stones in my kidney's, but they have taken up residence and decided to not move for the time being.

The problem that I have is that I'm in pain from this nerve damage all the time. My life is not my own. I have to take pain medication everyday. HOWEVER! I am happy to report that I don't take the maximum amount of the pill and I can't wait until I don't need them anymore.

The doctor thinks that it's time that we did what's called Spinal Cord Stimulation. Basically, they put an implant in that helps control the pain impulses sent to your brain. The doctor puts leads into the space between the spinal cord and the back bone to control the pain impulses from certain nerves. The leads are attached to a devise that is implanted under the skin. I would control the devise by remote control depending on how bad my pain is. I think the whole idea sounds like something that you'd see in a bad sci-fi film.

It's a 2 part procedure to get everything all done. During the first operation they place the leads but don't implant them under the skin. Yep. They'd be sticking right out my back. They'd stay that way for about 5 days, until I go into the dr office and they remove them. IF the leads seemed to help, then they would take me back to the OR (and another IV-- you'd think they wouldn't bother me by now, but they do) replace the leads and implant the device.

I just don't know how I feel about having an implant in my body. I'm only 34. I don' want this to keep limiting what I do. I want (and need) to go back to work, I need to get this situation under control, but I don't know if this is the right way for me to go. The idea of an implant and something inside my body creeps me out. I don't know how I feel about any of this.

There are things on my bucket list that I want to do, but I don't know if I'll be able to with an implant. Like run a marathon. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't know if I can give up certain things just yet.

If there's another way to get things under control I'd better find it FAST!